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#182041 - 09/24/07 10:10 AM I don't think my experience was as bad
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
I have a hard time feeling like I belong here. I have interacted with other men here and have read some of their stories and feel like I do not belong here. My story is not even half as horrible and I feel very weird. The strangest thing is that if someone else told me this story (actually something like this happened recently) I'd definitely see them as victims of abuse. However, I cannot see myself as one. It comes and goes. Is anyone else here facing the same questions?

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#182045 - 09/24/07 10:21 AM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: rcm]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
This is SO familiar in my life. I barely remember anything - there are times I doubt anything really happened. So what am I doing here? Right now I'm riding a wave of feeling like I have no right to be here.

What you are feeling is not unique to you. What I have to do when this happens is try to listen to the guys here who say I belong. I figure it's their place and if they say I have a spot here, then maybe they see something I don't?

I don't know that I can offer you any real help - other than say you're not alone. I hate the way this comes and goes - but for myself - I rarely feel I belong anywhere.

m


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#182046 - 09/24/07 10:21 AM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: rcm]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
yeah totally. when i first came here i didnt think i was abused. it was my shrink who told me i was. haha. i dont call myself a survivor. bottom line tho dude, is "recovery" (and i hate that term too) recovery isn't a pissing contest. we dont all stand around talking about whose life sucks more. or whose experiences were the suckiest. its all relative. it all sucks.


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#182047 - 09/24/07 10:22 AM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: rcm]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
All I know is that there are no realistic comparisons of abuse... what affects one person at a particular time in their life is specific to that person.

I have had the same thought many times. My abuse was not violent. My abuse was by a teenager, not an adult. My abuse went on for 6 years and I did a lot to keep it going. I enjoyed many aspects of the sex.... but I've come to understand that a big part of my childhood was taken... altered... I could not trust, I hated myself for my arousal, I believed I was evil, I believed I was going to hell, I believed if anyone found out I would be sent away.... I believed it was all my fault.

RCM, it doesn't matter WHAT happened to us as kids specifically, it matters that we are here, brothers, to support each other and help each other find peace and resolve -

I have read your posts, and I, for one, think you bring a lot to the site, so in my opinion, you belong here as much as any of us.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#182110 - 09/24/07 04:42 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: dannym]
bp83 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/29/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Arkansas
Oh yeah...you can look up my posts and see that it is a common thing. I think the best thing is to just not obsess about it.

_________________________
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Scott

"Life is for living, we all know, and I don't want to live it alone..."-Chris Martin

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#182114 - 09/24/07 04:51 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: rcm]
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Originally Posted By: rcm
I have a hard time feeling like I belong here. I have interacted with other men here and have read some of their stories and feel like I do not belong here. My story is not even half as horrible and I feel very weird. The strangest thing is that if someone else told me this story (actually something like this happened recently) I'd definitely see them as victims of abuse. However, I cannot see myself as one. It comes and goes. Is anyone else here facing the same questions?

It comes and goes with me too,sometimes I feel like what happened to me was not abusive and other days it seems like abuse.Like bp83 said I think its a common thing,like feelings of guilt.


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#182118 - 09/24/07 04:57 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad *DELETED* [Re: OICU812]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#182120 - 09/24/07 05:25 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: nicky]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
One second of abuse is one second too many, and it is all it takes to belong here.


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#182125 - 09/24/07 06:03 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: Dewey2k]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I was groomed, then abused. Before I came here, I had thought that if I had been beaten up and abused, it would have been better, because I would not have had mixed feelings about the abuser. I would have just known that someone using physical power over me was evil. Someone that was nice to me to get what they wanted just didn't seem as evil, and that is what confused ne for many years.

Since joining this site, I have realised that all abuse is evil - there is no better way to be abused - every single way leaves scars. Some scars you can see, some you can't!

Best wishes ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#182126 - 09/24/07 06:12 PM Re: I don't think my experience was as bad [Re: RICK57]
jf Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 54
dude i know exactly how you feel. I brought this up in the chat room the other night when i had to vent. It took me months to actually post something here cause i wasn't sure that i belonged. But seriously though man i'm glad i did. The people on this site have helped me more than i could have ever asked for. They'll definitely be there for you too man.


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