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#181828 - 09/23/07 12:32 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: ptsdwife]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Could be or could be him trying to justify or make okay, or live with it? You know him, is he pushing you away or running away. There is a difference. Pushing felt to me like, I want you here but this is too good or It scares me. Running felt to me like, I cannot handle this or you or anything so back off , i'm out.
That's me. The guys here who live (d) it can probably give you a better picture.
I'm just trying to survive his surviving.you know?

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#181829 - 09/23/07 12:43 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: mmac]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Yes I know ... well to tell ypu the truth in different time it has been a different man taking to me .. sometime I feel that he just dosent love me end of story it has nothing to do with the abuse and other time it's like his numb so .... again it all takes me to : I'm alone ... he does not want me or my help!
I'm happy for you ... i'm glad your partner is in the wall at least his doing something about sooner then later ( because his dealing with it)
good luck to you = )


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#181831 - 09/23/07 12:48 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: ptsdwife]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
He has stopped dealing with it again and that's one of the reasons I have moved out. I love him too very much to stay and continue to watch the pain. I was enabling him to justify stopping again. Sometimes they have to fly and sometimes they fall. Do you have children?

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#181832 - 09/23/07 01:08 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: mmac]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Yes 3 but the youngest is 18 just started university... he's providing for the family his keeping up with his job, friend and life in general and it simse to me that his doing ok in all aspects of it except ME .... so that it why .. maybe it really has nothing to do with the abuse but maybe its simply that he dosent love me anymore ... the weird thing its how it all happend ... it was very stressfull time and he had a personal situation with his father and got depress and I just sow him cramble and rebuilt himself ... very weird and when he became there was no space for me! I know this does not make any sence ... BELIEVE me it does not make sence to me = ) but it how it happend in May in June he told me he had never loved me then he told me he has done nothing but love me then in June after taking my daughter to collegue he told me how unhappy he was so I told him that if he wanted to go I will open the door and got his clothes ( I want him to be happy ) never thinking that it was going to be the end of us.... and at that time I do think he was running from it by now I think he has manage to put it away and since I know now (because he told me in June) he knows I will want to deal with it so that mean that I must be eliminated in order for him to continued ... but this is just one theory there can be another woman ... Mid life crasis or just fall out of love .. who knows but again nothing really matters the end result still the same : I'm alone ... Broken life, broken marriage,broken family, broken heart

just holding on to GOD = )


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#181849 - 09/23/07 09:14 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: ptsdwife]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
ptsdwife,

I am so sorry for your pain. Try to not get in his head and figure out what he's thinking or feeling, you need to seperate yourself from him emotionaly to begin your healing. Until you unwrap yourself from him and his issues, this will continue to be only pain for you.

I don't know if you recall, but I let my husband go to live the life that he wanted to live - a life that he can freely be an alcoholic without me upsetting that life. Now 4 months later he is sicker than ever and very angry that I'm not taking steps to fix things so that we can be back together again. The thought of this sick, selfish man coming back into my life makes me ill. I've come full circle in these 4 months and I'm not willing to let him sidetrack my life ever again.

So by all means you need to grieve over your loss, but at the same time if he does want to come back, take a look at how far you've come and like you said do you want to go through this ever again????

You said in your post that you don't know what will make him happy - let him figure that out, let him find the path to his recovery, let him figure out if he is in fact gay. YOU need to find what is going to make YOU happy. Stop focusing on him and focus on you - he's entirelly focused on him and your wasting precious energy focusing on him because he's very selfish right now and he's only thinking about himself. You need to get a little selfish and make it all about you.

It does get easier and you find yourself getting happy again. Hang in there and start having more faith in yourself. I have faith in you!!!

Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#181862 - 09/23/07 10:29 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: savemyfam]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
ptsd wife,

I too am sorry for your pain. I'm wondering if perhaps it's not time for you to separate yourself from this trauma and start taking care of you? Let him go. Face the future without him. He obviously is not in a place where he can do anything but cause hurt, confusion, and pain in your life.

It's time to quit worrying about what will make him happy. He's not in a place where his happiness will include you and frankly he doesn't seem to give a damn, as the movie line goes. It may take a while, but I assure you that facing the future without him will begin to look very appealing. You may wish to find a local womens divorce support group to attend on a regular basis.

I guess what I'm saying is it will be hard, but in the long run you will be better off without him in your life. Surround yourself with people who care about you and can support you in your grief, do the grieving you need to do, and begin your new life.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#181885 - 09/23/07 03:39 PM Re: The Proposal [Re: WalkingSouth]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Thank you, John

Yes all of you are right, whether by choice or by circunstance i have to let go of the past and move forward... and you know whats funny!!! if they could only do the same ... let go of the past and look forward to the future maybe some many of us will not be here ... today.... griving over the trauma that happen 25 years a go, and our partners did not let them go.... I know it's easy for me to say but then no difference that for me now, having to let go and move forward ...
Ohhh well!!! life goes on, I'm sure I will go on
thank you


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#181991 - 09/24/07 01:13 AM Re: The Proposal [Re: ptsdwife]
selene Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
.



Edited by selene (10/04/07 03:34 AM)
_________________________
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

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