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#182216 - 09/25/07 01:11 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: theatrekid]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
i dunno if can do it guys. im sorry.


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#182217 - 09/25/07 01:15 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: Nyjah]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
If you do not do it, there is not need to apologize to anyone here. You do what YOU can do, and we all will support any decisions you make. Take care first of you.

VN


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#182240 - 09/25/07 07:04 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: Nyjah]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Nyjah,

You have to do what is right for you, dude. Your feelings and your safety is the most important thing. I admire you for wanting to go to court, okay? I don't blame you for not thinking you can do it, and I most certainly don't blame you if you decide you can't go through with it.

The hardest part is looking at our perps and saying, "you hurt me." We all know this, and you have every right to be afraid.

There is no need to apologize to us. We're scared right along with you. At least I am.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#182246 - 09/25/07 08:13 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: BJK]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Nyjah,

There is NO need to appoligize if you cant do it! OK???
I don't think I could do it even today. In fact, I know I could not!

Look.....you already got this guy pulled from harming others. You already spoke up and did something great. You already did it!!!

Cut yourself a break if you cant go into that courtroom buddy.

Rob

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#182249 - 09/25/07 08:20 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: BJK]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
nyjah,when we talked about this to be honest i was hoping you wouldnt do it ,cause its something so hard to do and you never know what the outcome could be.rick 57 can tell you what its like and i tried to be as honest as i could about it .i dont think you have to do this ,i dont want you to be put through what they do to you in court. if you ever do it has to be about nyjah ,not adam or the guys here or the other kids. if you think not doing it is letting somebody down please dont feel that way k?
see the difference now is you have the ability to choose,not like it was with the abuse ,and if you choose not to be hurt anymore who could argue with that? i know what court is like for a kid and i dont wanna see you go through that then see him get a friggin deal anyway. your my bro if you got to court that dont change if you dont .your a hero to me your strong and brave ,dont ever think you got to put yourself through hell just to prove a point . and dont be sorry k? adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#182257 - 09/25/07 09:51 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: theatrekid]
JerrySan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/04/06
Posts: 23
Loc: Clinton Indiana
good luck Nyjah


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#182259 - 09/25/07 09:59 AM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: BJK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nyjah,

It's very brave of you even to consider doing this, but here, as in every other aspect of recovery, do remember to put yourself as the first priority. Yes, if you accuse the man and he goes to jail that will be a great service to society. But are you in a position to do this kind of thing yet? That's what you have to be sure about.

Do consider what will happen if you go to court. You will have to describe what the man did - in detail, and you will be asked about this numerous times so they can see if you are always telling the same story. In court you will have to stand up in front of strangers and tell it in words. If you say something like, "And then he did it to me," they will ask you to explain exactly what you mean by that. Then the defense lawyers will ask you questions and try to make you contradict yourself. They will try to make it look like you wanted the abuse and it was your idea. They will ask about times when you had given up and didn't say no anymore. They will try to make you look like a liar, and they will ask if you are gay and just wanted the sex - things like that.

Little bro, I'm not trying to discourage you - not at all. But it's ROUGH going through court proceedings against an abuser, and it can take a huge emotional toll from the survivor. What would happen to you, how would you feel, going through all the things I described above? It's true that there would be social services people who would support you and help you to prepare and stay strong. But still, you would be exposed to a lot of close examination by people trying to make you look bad.

Do pay attention to what Visha and Rick have to say to you; they have been to court and they know what it's like firsthand. If you have specific questions, I'm sure they would be okay about you PMing them.

One thing you might do is to see what the statute of limitations is in your case. I know you're no longer in the state where things happened, so maybe that has an effect as well. But the point is to see how much time you have.

Speaking the truth to you Nyjah, I think it would probably be better for you to delay doing this. Wait until you are stronger. You have made so much progress in the last two years and you have gained so much in strength and confidence. But you do have your health and eating problems to think about, and there's also school to consider.

Remember too that you are 15, man! You have a lot of good years ahead of you, and there are endless things you can do to help your fellow survivors, regardless of what you decide about the abuser now or later on.

It's up to you, of course, and I think you know that however you decide everyone will understand and support you. But at the moment my thought is to put Nyjah first. Doesn't he deserve it? I think he does.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182569 - 09/26/07 08:23 PM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: roadrunner]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
i just feel like i gotta to do it to help other kids. like, talking about it just doesn't seem enough but im really scared.


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#182577 - 09/26/07 08:42 PM Re: going to court. possible triggers. [Re: Nyjah]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nyjah,

You are the one who has to decide, and you know that if you decide to go for it you will have a lot of support here to help you out. But you will have support and respect however you decide. Just do give some serious thought to the dangers that lie ahead. Have you talked to your house mom about this?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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