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#181875 - 09/23/07 01:42 PM my heart
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
my heart pains so much-----------------------so deep------------------this unsettled feeling in my stomach--------------tears right at my eyes------------but wont flow-----------------never knew i could feel so much------------------so sad so alone-------------------------i think i am finally admitting to myself-----------------the unfairness----------------------that was done to me-----------------------that little boy-----------------------scared not knowing---------------------------------------what i have missed in life-------------------------they say i am lucky------------------as i still live----------------------as opposed to all of the unfortante.....ones who didnt make it------------------------------at least they have pain no more------------------------------------------------please let the tears flow--------------------------------they wont -----------------------------just stuck-----------------------------this sick feeling---------------------------------------its almost like comming off a addiction--------------------my body hurts so much ----------------------craves -----------good hugs--------------caring -understanding------------------------love--------------telln me its ok---------------------to feel and be wanted---------------------------not abanded----------left alone to fend by myself-----------------------------i guess i know why i drank for years--------------------------and abused myself--------------------------the pain is so intense...............but i am feeling-----------------------------------steve


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#181876 - 09/23/07 01:46 PM Re: my heart [Re: sabata]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I hear you.............I never cry like you mentioned (except when I see puppies/kittens dying on Emergency Vets). But somehow I feel that I need to.


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#181877 - 09/23/07 01:59 PM Re: my heart [Re: sabata]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Steve,

Sometimes I feel like a great big wimp because I cry too much, but I have admit that it does feel better to do so.

For now, I'll cry for you, okay?

You deserve these feelings, dude, and even if you might hate them at first, you will learn to like them. Why? Because after you work your way through all of the pain, there will be some happiness.

And happiness makes it all worth it.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#181878 - 09/23/07 02:03 PM Re: my heart [Re: BJK]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks----------------------alan-----------------bryan--------------------just really feeling-----------------------now-----------------------------------------steve


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#181879 - 09/23/07 02:13 PM Re: my heart [Re: sabata]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
There are no whimps on this site to me. There are men who have losses to grieve, and crying is part of that grieving process. I have cried my share over the years. The injuries to the heart are profound. The losses have been terrible, numerous, deep, grievous. Please, never criticize yourselves for crying over these losses. It is realizing the pain of those losses and expressing it which allows us to move forward.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#181881 - 09/23/07 02:43 PM Re: my heart [Re: FormerTexan]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
steve if i wasnt so fucking just pisssed off about having to realize how friggin unfair it is id feel just like you ,maybe the anger will come before the tears ,or maybe they will come together , it is ok dude and so are you . shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#181886 - 09/23/07 03:41 PM Re: my heart *DELETED* [Re: shadowkid]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#181910 - 09/23/07 06:54 PM Re: my heart [Re: nicky]
tresheridas Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/05/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Utah
Hi, Steve,

Mike again. Listen, if you want to hear a voice, call me and I'll call you right back. I have those free cell phone minutes on weekends and after nine. But I can talk anytime, man, any time it will help.

I cried a lot. A lot. I mean, a whole lot. I think I had to. I think nobody had ever heard that baby cry and he just needed someone to hear him and say that they know what happened, they know.

One thing about living alone - you can let that little boy scream his pain and his rage and no one will come banging on your door. And he'll feel better, I think.

At least that's the way it worked for me. I know I need to be careful, because we each have our own way of dealing with this, but that's how it worked for me.

That baby was trapped inside me, alone, for decades and when I first touched him, that's what he wanted. He wanted my voice to scream his pain and his rage and my eyes to cry his tears - the ones that burn my eyes even now. And I gave them to him.

I don't know, that may have been when he first started to feel that I loved him and would never leave him.

My heart is aching for you and there are tears in my eyes.

You're gonna make it, man, you will. Trust that. From here I give you a hug.

Mike

_________________________
Tres

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#181923 - 09/23/07 08:33 PM Re: my heart [Re: tresheridas]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks--------------------------mike-------------------------------i think i need to feel the pain--------------------its just new to me------------------------you are a great man-------------------you reached that baby-------------------and i am going to reach the lost me inside-----------------------------steve


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