just when it seems things are better...

chuck had his first trigger (or at least the first he has shared with me, which is probably the case) while we were having sex the other day. I hate his stupid fucking uncle and all the shit we have to go through because of his fucking actions. I'm not upset with Chuck at all- i'm upset for him. Someone has to be.

Chuck had this look on his face that made me want to cry. He looked like he was having a panic attack. He sat on the floor because he said he felt too exposed sitting on the bed.

i think i was really good about it, but what am i supposed to do? do i ask him about it so that way avoid possibly doing it again? do i not bring it up? Should I offer to hold him or leave the room? Will he react the same way every time?

It's so fucking confusing.

Will the triggers just get worse as he's actually beginning to talk about the abuse & stuff?

memoryjogger

MJ,

Last question first. Yes, unfortunately. The triggers, memories, and his emotional upheaval will get worse before they start getting better as he's starting on the road to recovery.

I remember thinking after each horrifying episode that I had now crossed the bottom of the pit and was heading up the other side toward the light, but NO, It seemed to get even worse with each successive episode. Thankfully I can say that eventually it did start to ease up and now 4+ years later the events are not nearly as frequent and no where near as devastating as they once were, sometimes only lasting a few seconds rather than days or weeks.

What can you do? Let him know you love and cherish him in the best possible of ways. Ask him if there is any action or touch in particular that you do that triggers him so that you can find other ways of touch and communication that does not lead to upheaval. Read some books about being the partner of a survivor. There are a number of them listed for partners in the MaleSurvivor Book Store that can be found linked on our home page. Educate yourself on survivors and their needs. Continue to interact here.

He's got a huge benefit having you on his side. Continue to love and support him.

John