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#181724 - 09/22/07 02:25 PM GF's daughter in college...
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

She's a HUGE trigger for me....

Had to pick her and her BF up from college yesterday...
2.5 hour drive one way w/ her and her BF talking about
all their NEW exploits...

What a fucking miserable fucking nightmare...I was not
ready to be around her yet again...I've only been seeing my
shrink for a little while and just started in my recovery
group...I'm not prepared to deal w/ the shit that she
is "confessing" to during conversations about her "sexploits"...
she doesn't even realize what she is talking about...she just
lets stuff out w/o thinking about the content...

She thinks shes an adult...well I got news for her, she ain't...
She can't even recognize all the shit shes building up is
sick, evil and twisted...and she will PAY for all this shit
sooner or later...these will HAUNT her...they will cause her
great emotional pain...

I was a miserable wreck by the time we arrived home...and she
was excited like nothing was even wrong w/ what she was
discussing during the trip home...

I couldn't shut her down, I didn't WANT to stiffel her
conversation...I just let her talk asking general questions
about her health, stuff about classes...
games she has attended...asked if she was involved
in any HEALTHY extra-curricular activities...but it seems
that everything shes involved in revolves around getting
more "hook-ups"...and partying...

(shes been like this since she was about twelve,
we couldn't get her to actively participate in
counseling then either, she refuses to believe that shes
UNHEALTHY)

I'm a wreck right now and still have 2 days left until she
heads back down to college...I'm glad the GF is taking her back
cause I cannot go thru that again until I've had some more
time to get my mind right....

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#181848 - 09/23/07 09:10 AM Re: GF's daughter in college... [Re: Frog]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear Frog:

I truly feel for your pain in having to deal with someone like this. I have had a similar experience with my older brother and I have been avoiding him for the very same reason. He talks sex and it is inappropriate. The thing of it that I can't understand is how my entire family is offended by his need to do this but they will not speak up to assert themselves out of fear of hurting his feelings!
This is a bunch of bull sH*t. (pardon my language here) Since when is someone who desires to spew offensive conversation of more importance then those they offend?
I'm telling you Frog, I'm not putting up with it any longer! I refuse to allow anyone to make me uncomfortable with their choice of talking trash around me. I've written a letter to him explaining my position on this and if he wants to interact then he'll need to clean up his act.
None of us should ever be held hostage by insensitive people. I could care less if he is hurt by me explaining to him what is good conversation and what is inappropriate. AT least he'll understand what normal boundaries are.
I hope that helps and I thank you for bringing this topic onto the table.

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#181860 - 09/23/07 10:15 AM Re: GF's daughter in college... [Re: sweet-n-sour]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
I agree with s-n-s. Frog, you are not required to sit and listen to that stuff if you do not wish to. You may wish to take a stand on this.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#181887 - 09/23/07 03:52 PM Re: GF's daughter in college... [Re: WalkingSouth]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

The thing is that I HAVE SET BOUNDARIES w/ her...she refuses
to honor or respect them...as if I do not matter, my feelings
are not worth the trouble...

I cannot tell her I do not want her around...she is a great
person when she ain't out "hookin' up"...plus she's the GF's
oldest daughter...it's not like I can refuse to let her in the
house...she is part of this family...

I spent the whole weekend avoiding her as much as possible...
It sux...I want her to participate in family "wholesome"
activities, but she is so preoccupied w/ "hookin' up" that
I get VERY PISSED OFF...

she just refuses to see any consequences to her actions...
she's told us that she has "different morals" than us????
WTF is that, "different morals"? Is there any other morals
I don't know about? You either got them or you don't...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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