I was abducted and rapped and tortured in many ways (repeated choking to the point of near or total blackout, then tender words and kisses as I was waking up. Also rubbing fecal material on me, forcing me to perform oral sex on them

And on top of this they subjected me to some strange occult practices involving blood rubbed on the body. And exposure to a real or fake Corpse of a little girl.

In my Art Therapy sessions some symbols keep apppearing
one is the star of david with a circle around it the other is a cresent moon with three small stars.

This happened some time between age nine to age twelve. I was forced to repress all memory of it. Memory returned and attacked me at age 25. Slowly over the years all of the 'flashbacks' surfaced, like a festering splinter of wood, slowly pushed out of one's bone.

The man who did this to me, seems to have done it before and probably did it again.

He traveled in two big long RV Mobile-homes, white boxy ones.
He used two mentally challanged and very strong young men to do this torture while he watched. He was a very old man,

I am now 32 years of age, and I am quite sure he is dead by now.
But I must find him. I must know who he was. I want to meet any other survivors of this man.

All I have is his name, unfortunately a very common name

John Campbell

Power,

I have been pretty much away from the site this past week, so I have't had a chance to welcome you. I'm glad you found us, and I can tell you you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

I have no idea how you would go about finding someone with such a common name, but can I ask you why this is important if you are sure he is too old to still be alive? Think of it this way: It takes a lot of resources (not just financial, but emotional as well) to track down a deceased abuser - especially with a common name - and those resources are then unavailable for your own recovery, in the sense of reclaiming your life for the benefit of your present and future.

I'm not trying to dissuade you; we all have to decide for ourselves what we need and why. But you might want to think what you will gain by tracking the abuser down when you know it will end at a grave somewhere.

Much love,
Larry

I wish you luck in finding him . If he is dead look in the Social Security Death Index . If he is sill alive try ZABA serch . both of thease sights can be found on the web .

PW --

For me, it used to feel like confronting my perp was the most important step. So I did it, and it was very very important. But in the end it had very little to do with my healing. Your perp was a scumbag. But you know that now - just a crazy old man who preyed on those weaker than him. Do you think what really matters now is freeing *yourself* from that terror and the other ways those experiences affected you? My perp is an alienated, incontinent old man who has nothing. The adult in me knows that just fine. Its the little boy who remains afraid and hurt. The biggest step I have made lately is to start attending to that boy, to stop focusing on my perp or anyone else. The only other person I know he perped is in total denial and won't talk to me about it. I have no control over that.

So do what you need to do, and if you can find more info, then kudos to you. But be careful not to confuse that confrontation with your own healing.

I am so so sorry about what you went through. I a glad you lived to heal.

Love, TW

if hes ever been busted for a sex crime you can go to meagans law website and enter his name ,most of the results have pictures of the perp . or any sex offender registry you might get 5o with the same name but most will have a mug shot of the perp . just be ready to see him looking at you from the page if he is there.

Thanks guys for the advice.

I didn't feel like I needed to find him so much before

But suddenly after my last two new 'FlashBacks'

I have new infromation that leads me to suspect that he was part of a small organized group. a group that may still be active insome way.


In anycase , I never really found out who he was,

He blew into our life and blew out again.