Can one really change what "turns them on"?

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#181772 - 09/22/07 06:35 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
Brokenhearted Member Registered: 08/07/06 Posts: 644 Loc: TX	IF a survivor can learn to have sex w/ real intimacy and love, as opposed to plain "dirty" sex, I wonder if he would then prefer the sex/intimacy/love, because he is missing that now. Maybe sex is "just sex" until you learn to put sex and love together, then it changes everything?? Esp. if they figured out why they like the "dirty" secretive sex....i.e. it was dirty and secretive in their abuse...and once they make that connection, if they ever do, it seems like they would not want it as much anymore. Just my own thoughts as the spouse of a survivor...??? Interesting thread and, no, this is not a delicate tea party but I hope we can still discuss this. _________________________ Brokenhearted It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Luke 17:2
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#181773 - 09/22/07 06:36 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
dannym Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 03/24/07 Posts: 543 Loc: Boulder, Colorado	Ok... nature vs nuture... my thought is that the majority of our sex drive is genetic, but I think our environment, influences, upbringing and all that plays a role as well... my opinion is a much smaller role, but it can't be discounted. Jarrad, you are a sweet talker! I think you should cut all the fluff and just say what you mean, ok? You don't need to hold back with us! Lol!!! Dan _________________________ "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head." Marge Simpson
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#181774 - 09/22/07 06:38 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	one's nature can change
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#181775 - 09/22/07 06:41 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
Jarrad Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 10/27/06 Posts: 1071 Loc: arizona	i'll say it again cause i guess you all didnt hear me the first time. you might be able to contol what you like. but you still like it. for example.. your beau can like dirty sex. your beau can go to therapy and try to be cured of liking dirty sex. therapist will give your beau suggestions. beau learns to like normal sex. beau still likes dirty sex. beau just learns that its better if he doesnt act on it. beau will always like dirty sex.
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#181776 - 09/22/07 06:42 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
BJK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 08/01/07 Posts: 1526	I think the correct answer to the OP is: it depends. Some people are just born with certain desires, and some people acquire those desires through life's experiences. Either way, some people can change and some people can't. Bryan _________________________ Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse. What the world needs now Is some new words of wisdom Like la la la la la la la la la. -David Lowery Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.
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#181777 - 09/22/07 06:44 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: BJK]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	once you like it you will always like it? no way. said it before, say it again - maybe true for some, but not all
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#181779 - 09/22/07 06:48 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
dannym Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 03/24/07 Posts: 543 Loc: Boulder, Colorado	I think we heared you, Jarrad, we just disagreed.... crime? Just kidding.. but if you need to yell, use all caps!!!! interesting thread! Dan _________________________ "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head." Marge Simpson
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#181780 - 09/22/07 06:50 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	i always thought the only interesting thread was the loose one you pull and it unravels everything ....
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#181781 - 09/22/07 06:53 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
Jarrad Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 10/27/06 Posts: 1071 Loc: arizona	disagree with me? who would do such a thing $\:\)$
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#181782 - 09/22/07 06:55 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	*waves from across the room*
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