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#181772 - 09/22/07 07:35 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
IF a survivor can learn to have sex w/ real intimacy and love, as opposed to plain "dirty" sex, I wonder if he would then prefer the sex/intimacy/love, because he is missing that now. Maybe sex is "just sex" until you learn to put sex and love together, then it changes everything??

Esp. if they figured out *why* they like the "dirty" secretive sex....i.e. it was dirty and secretive in their abuse...and once they make that connection, if they ever do, it seems like they would not want it as much anymore. Just my own thoughts as the spouse of a survivor...???

Interesting thread and, no, this is not a delicate tea party but I hope we can still discuss this.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#181773 - 09/22/07 07:36 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Ok... nature vs nuture... my thought is that the majority of our sex drive is genetic, but I think our environment, influences, upbringing and all that plays a role as well... my opinion is a much smaller role, but it can't be discounted.

Jarrad, you are a sweet talker! I think you should cut all the fluff and just say what you mean, ok? You don't need to hold back with us! Lol!!!

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#181774 - 09/22/07 07:38 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
one's nature can change


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#181775 - 09/22/07 07:41 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i'll say it again cause i guess you all didnt hear me the first time. you might be able to contol what you like. but you still like it. for example.. your beau can like dirty sex. your beau can go to therapy and try to be cured of liking dirty sex. therapist will give your beau suggestions. beau learns to like normal sex. beau still likes dirty sex. beau just learns that its better if he doesnt act on it. beau will always like dirty sex.


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#181776 - 09/22/07 07:42 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I think the correct answer to the OP is: it depends.

Some people are just born with certain desires, and some people acquire those desires through life's experiences. Either way, some people can change and some people can't.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#181777 - 09/22/07 07:44 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: BJK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
once you like it you will always like it?
no way.
said it before, say it again - maybe true for some, but not all


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#181779 - 09/22/07 07:48 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I think we heared you, Jarrad, we just disagreed.... crime?

Just kidding.. but if you need to yell, use all caps!!!!

interesting thread!

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#181780 - 09/22/07 07:50 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: dannym]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i always thought the only interesting thread was the loose one you pull and it unravels everything ....


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#181781 - 09/22/07 07:53 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: MarkK]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
disagree with me? who would do such a thing \:\)


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#181782 - 09/22/07 07:55 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
***waves from across the room***


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