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#181725 - 09/22/07 02:29 PM Medical/Dental Avoidance
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Many survivors have posted here about avoiding medical or dental procedures due to their abuse experiences. As most of you know, I'm in the final process of a book for survivors and I'd like to add a chapter on medical and dental issues.

Some survivors have said that the idea of someone working in their mouth feels very scary and intrusive. Likewise for getting physical exams, colonoscopies, etc.

I'd like to hear some of your experiences with medical and dental people, why you avoid, whether you've shared your abuse with the doctor, what kinds of responses you've gotten, what kinds of medical problems you've had due to avoidance, etc.

I will not quote anyone in the book without your permission. No one who is quoted in the book is identified beyond "A survivor writes:", or "The wife of a survivor said:"

Ken


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#181727 - 09/22/07 02:36 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
Ha. I told a dentist this year for the first time (after a 12 year dental hiatus) that I wanted him to know it was triggering for me to come to the dentist since I had been abused as a boy. I was pretty formal and succinct in what I said but he seemed uncomfortable and told me "he really didn't need to know that".

Honestly I felt like an idiot.


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#181731 - 09/22/07 02:52 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: testingWaters]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

I've avoided the dentist since I was 18...not sure why exactly
but it cost us over $3000.00 this year for the dentist to
fix all the issues w/ my teeth...

As for getting physicals..I've avoided them since my last one
when I was in the military 20 years ago...I passed out (fainted)
multiple times during the process of all the requirements...it
was hell...

I cannot get one...a physical that is...
just the thought of his hands "on" me or "in" me, sends chills
through my soul...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#181737 - 09/22/07 03:56 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: Frog]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
My urologist asked me about stress in my life. I told him I was working on it. Told him I was seeing a T regarding some childhood sexual abuse. I figured this was fairly important to tell him because of issues with scar tissue and pain during a biopsy. He was quite uncomfortable with that info. I asked him if I was the first to ever tell him that. I was. It was a teaching moment. Told him one in every six boys are molested by 16. told him about MS. Told him he probably needed to be on the look out for symptoms in his line of work.
He seemed to not especially grasp it..or didn't care. Either one, it was just another small attempt to educate the public about CSA.


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#181740 - 09/22/07 04:32 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: Paul1959]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I have had trouble with hemoroids . I believe that this is due to being raped . I do not want any one tuching my ass other than my wife . I have avoided haveing a prostate exam because of this . I just do not like being touched . espeshaly by other men
it just freeks me out

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#181741 - 09/22/07 04:58 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: OKIE MIKE
I have had trouble with hemoroids. I believe that this is due to being raped. I do not want any one tuching my ass other than my wife . I have avoided haveing a prostate exam because of this . I just do not like being touched . espeshaly by other men it just freeks me out


WOW...I thought I was the only one w/ this line of thought
w/ the whole hemoroids thing...

I can't even let my GF touch my ass...I FREAK out during sex
if she even gets remotely close to there...I too have avoided
the prostate exam because of this...

What is weird though is that I see a chiropractor on a regualar
basis, 2-3 times a week...he does sometimes "sense" me getting
VERY TENSE while he adjusts me...he gently "taps" my back or neck
to get me to relax...kinda like distracting me from the procedure..

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#181743 - 09/22/07 05:11 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: Paul1959]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
I have two examples of avoidance of doctors:

First, one of my abuse issues relates to my mother. I feel she started my cycle of abuse and I feel she wasn't whole heartily there for me because she was having an affair with high school sweetheart. Because of her affair my father was didnít spend a lot of time within our home. Neither seen the signs that I was being abused, also because of this I never went to the dentist as a child let alone the orthodontist. My lower teeth are bunched up and overlap each over and I have a slight overbite. When I was in the fifth grade I broke one of my front teeth and had to have a crown put over the remaining part of my tooth. Now as an adult, I do go to the dentist and he is encouraging me to have the crown/ cap redone and to go to the orthodontist, but I have resisted have anything done. I know should.

The second example, when I was 12ish, I had this abscess form on my anus, known as a perennial abscess. It may have been a coincidence that I started getting these abscess after my last abuse started, in which my abuser inserted objects up my anus. I remember the doctor talking to my mom about sometime of anal penetration or me not cleaning myself properly or something like that. My mother lectured me about making sure I cleaned myself better and never questioned the idea of some type of penetration. She totally missed the signs again. Iím now 35 and from time to time, usually when I have had bad diarrhea a few days later I noticed the start of the abscess forming, so I will started cleaning myself with alcohol wipes. To totally fix the problem I should have surgery, but I have never brought the subject of my abuse up with my general physician.

I know I should take care of these things, but it like I know I should lose 75 lbs. Itís like Iím holding onto my abuse by not doing anything about these things. Wow, maybe thatís where Iím at in my recovery. I need to start thinking of myself and taking care of these things.

THANKS!!!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#181744 - 09/22/07 05:23 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: testingWaters]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Originally Posted By: testingWaters
Ha. I told a dentist this year for the first time (after a 12 year dental hiatus) that I wanted him to know it was triggering for me to come to the dentist since I had been abused as a boy. I was pretty formal and succinct in what I said but he seemed uncomfortable and told me "he really didn't need to know that".

Honestly I felt like an idiot.


FIND A NEW DENTIST!!!!!... he is a doctor and should be more understanding.

The dentist has always caused lots of fear in my life. the idea of sitting their with no control as some one drills, pulls, and grinds away at my mouth is awful. I have lots of weird issues about my mouth. most of which i think are related to the abuse. but the dentist is the top of the list for things that are triggering for me. i used to not even realize why i didnt like the dentist. I try to avoid the dentist at all costs. unfortunately i have several cavities i need to get filled so I will be making another appointment in the very near future

,Chris


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#181753 - 09/22/07 05:52 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance [Re: theatrekid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I have no issues with doctors/dentists whatsoever.


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#181758 - 09/22/07 06:08 PM Re: Medical/Dental Avoidance *DELETED* [Re: theatrekid]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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