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#181710 - 09/22/07 11:31 AM How much can one recover from PTSD???
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I am convinced my H has PTSD. Our therapist also has mentioned it several times. I am wondering if any of you can tell me if this is something that will last forever. It has been well over a year now since his main "personality change" where he feels nothing about anything, etc. and it's the same. I am really starting to worry. Will he ever return to the man I knew, who can get back the feelings toward me he once had? I know I'm not supposed to take it personally, but it is so hard. It's like living with and loving a rock. The rock is no longer cuddly or soft or giving or reachable. He beleives in his mind he still loves me but does not feel anything.

Maybe once we make the move (I'm still selling the house) and resume therapy there, we can work on this.

I just need some encouragement here. This PTSD is something awful. I miss my H!!!

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#181711 - 09/22/07 11:39 AM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: Brokenhearted]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Dear Brokenhearted,
i too am experiencing this with my guy and it feels like you cannot breath anymore. Waiting sucks but I can tell you that with the help of a good Therapist and your paience, he can get back to a "normal" life. He has to want it as much as you do and actually do something to create that movement. PTSD can be very dibilitating and only a therapist can recognize if meds, perhaps are also in order. Good luck and hold on.
M \:\)

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#181778 - 09/22/07 07:44 PM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: mmac]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
mmac,

When you say "Waiting sucks,"....this reminds me of what the psychiatrist said to me. Maybe I'm dense but I'm trying so hard to understand. He said, "Now it's just a waiting game..."

Do you and he mean that this thing has a limited lifespan? WILL it diminish on its owm just w/ time? Or did he and you mean that it's a waiting game, till my H gets help for this, till he decides to work on it?

I realize now it's been w/ us all along our 15-yr marriage, it's just that over a year ago is when it really "kicked in" more. I read something recently that describes him exactly, his habit of being a workaholic (so his mind is occupied) and then when he comes home he isolates (so there won't be any uncomfortable feelings or triggers w/ me). That's his pattern: Workaholic at work, isolates at home.

I realize this now. Has your guy gotten an actual diagnosis of PTSD? Does it take a psychiatrist to make the diagnosis or can a therapist? I am not even sure if mine has been officially diagnosed but they talk about it as though it exists w/ him. I'll have to ask her when I see her in 2 wks.

Seems like if someone gets diagnosed w/ PTSD they would want to figure out why or find out more about it or try to fix it.

I mean, if it is going to last forever then wow, I just don't know....

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#181816 - 09/22/07 10:31 PM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: Brokenhearted]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
I think my husband has PTSD but his not facing it... he just feel like he dosent love me anymore and he dosent want to be married any more so he brough me the divorsed papers 2 days a go... he left me 3 month a go and in the beginning he was going to conseling I dont think his going to it anymore.. we where married for 12 years and together for 14 and him too had the same signs workaholic and he used to get home and sit in front the computer because he had work to do... also he used to numb himself buying toys and always doing something we could never seat and watch tv like most people and its funny because even now I dont know how to watch tv.. I'm so used to having a full schedule because of him that I dont know how to relax and If I do I feel like I have no life now because without him I have nothing to do... my only advice to you if is worth is... MAKE SURE HE GOES TO THE RIGHT THERAPIST because like my husband he when in the begining but did not get any help so drop it and stared to supress all his feeling and I think that one of the reason that we are apart today its because he told me his secret and now I know so he can pretend with me anymore so
I dont know if this help you any or if I made it worst and I do have the same questions that you have, how long doest it last and really if my husband does not get T. he will play this game for life the only questions here will be whether he wants to play it with me or change life completly so I can only wait to see what his going to do.
Good luck to you, my prayers are with you and your family.


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#181817 - 09/22/07 10:58 PM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: ptsdwife]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Brokenhearted,
There is a beginning and an end, for both of you to face but each in his own way. For me, I know that although i love him I cannot walk his path, just choose to be along side of him when he walks it or not. His pain will last until he wants it to stop. His issues are his, thats what sucks. Its our love that makes us want to help in some way, yet all we can do is watch while he chooses to accept or deny it. It's his choice. Yours is if you can love him and stay either way, but it's his to make. and your choice is your own and he cannot make it for you.
PTSD is something a trained professional can diagnose. the level of his treatment can detemine who should ultimatley see him.
I was in the military and by itself PTSD can be a handful. With CSA too it can be insane. Every case, as every individual is different. like a bee sting, some its no big deal, others can be hospitalized.
Make your decision based on your needs, because if you are not good, he couldn't be either. Just like he is not good now and neither are you.
Either way, I hope for your peace.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#181819 - 09/22/07 11:09 PM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: mmac]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
PTSDwife,
unless a trained professional diagnosed him as having PTSD, be careful that you are not trying to assign him a label to fit the pain you are in.From what I have read, many CSA guys have a point where they feel the need to distance themselves and unfortunately, some divorce or choose to move away from those they love. That really hurts and it should not be something you just have to deal with. But it happens, just the same. Are you making decisions about your life based upon his issue(s) or what's right for you? I hope the later, but i've been there to. At some point, no matter how much we love them, they need to be able to freely make a choice, no matter how we feel about it. I am learning that with time. Yes, it sucks, Yes, I hate his pain and wish I could do SOMETHING to make this go away, but I cannot.
Try reading some of the Survivor stories on the forum. These exceptional men have shared their most frightening details and for me it puts into perspective of what we'd like them to do and how very trying that can be for them. Also, some of these guys have reached out in this format to let me know that some of the things I'm experiencing are normal and okay. They have pulled me through on many occasion.
I wish you peace.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#181824 - 09/23/07 12:12 AM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: mmac]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Hi mmac.

you are right... my husband has not been diagnost with PTSD, I have read all the books available and have found plenty of similarities and the stress factor is very important to consider since he just about lost it with all that was happening in our life at the time.. but I'm no counselour and I hope he will haved continued to go to one, even if the one he shoose does not believe in any effects due to the child abused.
my husband shoose to deal with this on his own or not deal with it not sure wich ...and you asked me if I'm making decision about my life based on him or me and it's a hard questions because since we have been married for 12 years we always made decision about our life toguether now his shoosing to make decision about his life on his own so I have no choice on the matter ... maybe with time or maybe in the next few minutes I might sound more compassionate because my feeling are all over the place ... I been hopefull, caring, loving , friend, angry, sad, happy and in between all in the same hour so his decision sure affect my life and as much as I want to be there for him I got to be there for me... at least now since he pusch me away.
I'm not sure we can find to t with the same aproach all the one I when to talk to once I explain the situation talk about PTSD but of coursed I was the one going not him... they did talk about time ( They all explain to me or gave me the example of : what would you do if your husband was really sick and you could not see him ) meaning will take time and I cant help him... the real truth is : WHEREVER OUR PARTNERS ARE GOING THRU ... ONLY THEY KNOW THE FULL EXTEND OF IT AND ONLY THEY CAN HELP THEMSELF OR DECIDED IF THEY WANT OUR HELP... whether is PTSD or CSA it affets our life and our familys the same .... I'm alone today!

= (


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#181830 - 09/23/07 12:44 AM Re: How much can one recover from PTSD??? [Re: ptsdwife]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
you are not alone. I have been there and am there now. You are right, It's all on them. Seems like sometimes we just have to deal with it. That's why this sucks. It's the continued effects of the abuse, only now you're abused too. It's like some kind of
yuk, hopelessness, anger, crazy thing that all of a sudden, suprise its yours. you didn't ask for it or want it but there it is. Abuse is like that for them, I would think and when it happens as a kid, God only knows how that must feel. I recently made a decision to remove myself from our home. Not our relationship, just our home. That was my choice. Was it based upon the craziness or our life and our reactions to this and other related issues, YES. but it was my choice.
You MUST make the one that is right for you. Stay or Go, Hang or not. Make that decision for what you need and want. He will make a decision for him. If you love him, i hope it's one you both want. I struggle evry day between understanding and feeling lost.
I will find my way and you will too!
Thios place helped my to ride the rollarcoaster of CSA and some days I win and some I don't.
My favorite saying is.." Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results".
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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