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#181708 - 09/22/07 11:26 AM Can one really change what "turns them on"?
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Here I am wondering about something. If a survivor is "turned on" by, say, dirty sex w/ a prostitute b/c of his belief that all sex is dirty, can he really change that way of feeling/thinking? Can there really come a day where it no longer appeals to him? If so, how? Can therapy help him see the connections to the original horrible abuse and change it that way? It just seems it would be hard to change something where sexual arousal is concerned. Any answers out there??

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#181721 - 09/22/07 02:10 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Brokenhearted]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
doubt it. its in your genes and chemical makeup.


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#181732 - 09/22/07 02:59 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
sex being dirty is in your genes? it might have something to do with the fact that sex became perverted by someone ,i think that stuff can be changed ,i was not born thinking sex is dirty and has to hurt ,somebody taught me that .

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its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#181738 - 09/22/07 04:07 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: shadowkid]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Don't know that I would agree entirely with the statement that it's in your genes, etc. For instance, referring back to something Kathryn posted some time ago, some people are highly eroticised by shoes or rubber suits or other strange things. I highly doubt such attractions are genetic, but I do believe that genetics and/or chemical influences among other things probably play a substantial role in what turns us on.

Overtime, by continued thought, viewing, even experimentation with a given sexual activity or situation a person can increase that particular erotic trigger over and above others to the point where it is sexually stimulating when it previously had not been a particular turn on.

One answer to your question could be to consult with a reputable sex therapist regarding this issue.



Edited by walkingsouth (09/22/07 04:09 PM)
_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#181742 - 09/22/07 05:11 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: WalkingSouth]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
Jarrad --

To anyone who was abused by a parent the suggestion that sexual pathology is "in the genes" is repugnant.

Please be mindful of how your statements here affect other readers.

TW


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#181754 - 09/22/07 05:54 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: testingWaters]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
We interrupt this interesting thread to post the following...

Let's remember that what is triggering to one survivor may in no way be triggering to another. While we try to give users here the courtesy of trigger warnings, it is impossible to predict by what or when someone may be triggered by something we post. The best effort any of us can make is simply to make an honest effort. Understanding and sensitivity is a good habit on the part of all users in this situation.

We now return you to your irregular, unscheduled reading of posts...

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#181757 - 09/22/07 06:07 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: WalkingSouth]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
WS --

Point well taken. but its more than just a trigger for me. Attraction to prostitutes or thinking sex is dirty may well have a chemical makeup but it is quite definitely not "in the genes."

TW


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#181764 - 09/22/07 06:21 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? *DELETED* [Re: testingWaters]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

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checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#181770 - 09/22/07 07:19 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: ttoon]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
good lord you all are so fucking sensitive.
i stand by what i say. i did not learn to like boys. i did not learn to like both being a top and being a bottom. i didnt learn that i get turned on more when someone kisses my collarbones than sucking me off. that all is in my genes and chemical makeup. could i change liking boys or being turned on when someone kisses me in a certain place? no. you cant change it. can you control it? proabbly. but then eventually you will bust and "act out" and all that bullshit. so i stand by my answer. no you cant.


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#181771 - 09/22/07 07:32 PM Re: Can one really change what "turns them on"? [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
what about "changing" into yourself? abuse had me so screwed up i "enjoyed" and was "turned on" by a lot of things. over time and through therapy, and starting to remember the things that STARTED the whole mess - what used to be "me" isn't me anymore.

so i say yes, of course you can change. we can argue whether or not someone was actually "meant" to be a certain way i suppose, but why? isn't it acceptable that some people can and other's can't? or some do and others don't?

or are we so full of ourselves it has to be just like we are or it's invalid????

m

and since when is being sensitive BAD?


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