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#181703 - 09/22/07 10:45 AM How do I know if I am ready for a retreat
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Attended one already and it was too much from the very first minute I was horrified and coudn't stand it. I was stressed all the time and ended up running away, literally, before the end. And I didn't even attend all the sessions. If anyone has a clue why someone might react that way please help. It has been a few weeks and I can't yet figure out what happened.

NOTE: This was not an MS retreat. It was a different type of retreat. Now I am curious about MS retreats but because of this experience I am quite nervous.



Edited by rcm (09/24/07 06:44 AM)
_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#181714 - 09/22/07 12:13 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: rcm]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
The hardest part of being at a retreat is making the distinction between when we are frightened and when we are overwhelmed. In the first case, I find that I need to stick it out to prove to myself that my fears are baseless and are simply from a lack of familiarity in the situation. The second case is when I have to take care of myself and withdraw for a while until I can rejoin.

My suggestion is that you try to attend again and be very up front and open with your fears with the entire group, and push yourself to stay present. If you truly feel overwhelmed, then retreat to your room or a safe room until you feel up to trying again.

The counselors are awesome, and there isn't a single guy at any of the retreats I've been to who wouldn't understand what you were doing and why.

It's so worth it. Please give yourself a break and try again.

D2K


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#181716 - 09/22/07 12:30 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: Dewey2k]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
D2K
I think I was overwhelmed and frightened all the time
I had a very hard time finding my own space
Every time I tried to retreat to be by myself and calm down i had someone walk up to me wanting to talk or say hi
It was driving me crazy

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#181718 - 09/22/07 12:57 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat *DELETED* [Re: rcm]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#181794 - 09/22/07 08:53 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: nicky]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
rcm,
I have never been to a retreat, but I THINK I understand what you are saying. Sometimes I feel like I want to "run away" too. I don't mean just mentally, I mean physcially.

I have had this almost irresistable urge to run.... away from a painful, threatening (or so it seemed) situation. From where I stand this a perfectly normal reaction to what our "old brain" sees as a dangerous situation. So, first, please don't beat yourself up about your previous reactions at a retreat.

I am not sure how we should go about changing this, just that I must.

Grace and Peace,
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#181902 - 09/23/07 06:24 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: Gerald2007]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
If you feel like you need to be alone, then make sure you let people know. A raised hand will tell them to stop. A "back off" will let them know immediately that you aren't wanting company. Even a glare or a deliberate turn of the back.

As hard as it is, I think a retreat would be an excellent place to practice setting those boundaries and taking care of yourself, because you do have therapists there at your beck and call to help you.


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#182390 - 09/25/07 10:33 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: Dewey2k]
toomscuz Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 16
Hey Everyone,

My thing about atending a retreat is this is still all new to me I still don't know even 5% of what happened to me will still I benefit from it or should I wait till I know more?

Luke


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#182397 - 09/25/07 10:55 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: toomscuz]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Was the retreat you went to the Mike Lew retreat at Kirkridge? If so then I can tell you that the MS retreats are alot better for people that are nervous, there are like 10-12 facilitators for 20-30 people rather than 2 for 30-40 people and each one is understanding and will spend time with you if you are having a problem.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#182420 - 09/26/07 05:36 AM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: toomscuz]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Luke,
I think I am in a similar situation, which makes me a little uncomfortable. I hope someone has an answer for this.
RCM

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#182497 - 09/26/07 02:40 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: rcm]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
rcm, Luke and others thinking about this,

Think back to the things that abuse taught you as a boy: the world is full of danger, I can't keep myself safe, anyone who approaches me may be a predator. These and other messages - that's what's in our heads as we grow up, and that's the kind of thing that makes it difficult for us to cope with a gathering like a retreat.

I can't attest for the retreats run by other organizations and I have never been on one run by MS (I live in Europe), but from what I hear it's pretty clear that on our our retreats the facilitators know all about such feelings. If you are bottoming out there's someone there for you, and if you need it there's a safe room where you can go and talk to a facilitator. At no point are you pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. At no point are you left to feel abandoned and alone.

I should also point out that with our retreats, a facilitator will call you before the retreat to talk to you and get some idea of where you are in your recovery and what you might need. YOU are the most important part of the retreat!

But can I also point out something that follows on from a few other things that have been said here? One thing we unlearned as boys was the art of asking for what we need. An abused boy discovers that what he wants, what he needs, what scares him, what makes him feel bad - none of that counts for shit. So rather than cry out in the darkness and not be heard, he decides that the best thing to do is to shut up.

One thing a gathering like a retreat does is to help us reject those terrible and false lessons. You will that it's okay to ask for what you need, it's okay to cry when you feel hurt, it's okay to be human again.

RCM, perhaps what your thread shows us is that it's a good idea to talk together with guys who have been on retreats to see exactly what they thought and how their experience helped them. I hope others will respond to you.

At the end of the day we all have to blaze our own path of recovery, my friend. But I do think your effort to find yours would be aided by attending a retreat. I hope you will explore that further.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182505 - 09/26/07 03:00 PM Re: How do I know if I am ready for a retreat [Re: roadrunner]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
RCM --

One of the best parts of a MS retreat, for me, was feeling like I could opt out of parts I did not want to be part of. And, to some degree, that I was allowed to create my own path through all of this.

MS is totally professional and if you do sign up will do a series of intake questions to prepare you.

TW


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