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#182627 - 09/27/07 01:13 AM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: BJK]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Russ I tried to PM you but I can't get it to work. Would you please PM me so that I could respond?


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#182764 - 09/27/07 12:29 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: trusty]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Russ,

Sometimes things just utterly suck and that's the end of the story. I used to feel defeated on those days, like I was failing and owed myself better, but hey, all that did was make things worse.

Originally Posted By: trusty
at least I'm not running away from everything any more...I am hanging in for the fight...even when I know I can't win...winning isn't everything. Just getting out of bed has to be good enough some days.


That's exactly it. If each day we can tell ourselves "I'm doing what I can" that's enough. Hang in there and know you aren't alone.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182767 - 09/27/07 12:40 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: roadrunner]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
Everytime it does start to get better/easier, try to really take note of that. And the next time everything goes to shit, you can remind yourself more clearly of that moment and know that it WILL get better again. Know what i mean?

Til then -- you are not alone. We've all been right there, or worse. You'll get your strength back.

Love, TW


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#182852 - 09/27/07 03:51 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: testingWaters]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
thanks everybody...
i'm still low, but i hope i can get better soon...i do have hope. i went to my therapy this morning, and on the way i was thinking to myself that i wish i could see her twice a week when i'm like this. when i got in her office the first thing she needed to tell me was that my insurance will only pay for 30 visits a year, and that we only had 5 left until january. god, that about did me in...i started bawling like a kid. she assured me that she will ask for an extension...she knows there is no way i can spread these last 5 out....or just stop until january...so...i hope it can work out....otherwise it'll be some huge bucks i'll have to pay.

also, i'm seeing my psychiatrist in about 45 minutes....two weeks early....to talk about my mood and see if she wants to adjust my medications. i've just got to get out of this funk...can't stand much more of it like this.

it seems like the weeks are flying by without me...nothing gets done...i'm just existing...sleep...eat...fake my way through the day....put on a happy mask to go teach class...then back in the dark tunnel right afterwards....sucks.

well....thanks for listening.

russ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#182863 - 09/27/07 04:07 PM Re: This is just too hard... *DELETED* [Re: trusty]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#182906 - 09/27/07 05:52 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: nicky]
SECfanMIKE Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/15/07
Posts: 172
Loc: South Carolina
RUSS -

I'm so sorry. I've been in some very deep, dark, painful places too. Sometimes each step up feels like more than I can find the energy for. Sometimes even getting out of bed before my Sweetie gets home from work and maybe taking a shower is a major victory.

Please forgive me for adding to your pain this weekend.

I love you, brother. I'll be praying for you if it's OK.

Mike <><

_________________________
"...for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him..."

"...rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep..."

"...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost..."

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#182957 - 09/27/07 08:42 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: SECfanMIKE]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Russ i think the fact that you realize your in a funk and are wanting to get out of it is a very good sign that your on the right road.

Hang in their buddy,

Chris


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#182995 - 09/27/07 09:40 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: theatrekid]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
russ,

I going to repeat something earlier in this post.

Just a (((((Russ))))) for you.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#183014 - 09/27/07 11:13 PM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: TNuss]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
this place is amazing...to have such genuine support from my friends here means the world to me...thank you very much...i am blessed...you are really very dear friends.

love,
russ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#183516 - 09/30/07 04:43 AM Re: This is just too hard... [Re: trusty]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Russ,

Originally Posted By: trusty
Honestly, I'm a little embarrassed with my post...tried to delete it but it was too late. I'll make it some how...thanks to support from people like you and Dewey and Kelly.


I've been kind of overwhelmed lately - medical tests in Germany and then new mod duties. So I haven't been in the Gay Forum as often as I would have liked and I didn't see your post until this morning.

Russ, I read your first post on this thread as you feeling low and lost and calling out to be heard. There's nothing to be embarrassed about in that and I'm glad you did it.

I remember a lot of bad times when I just wanted so badly to talk and know someone was listening. That's all. Just listen to me someone, that"s what I was saying. We all need to be heard, I think, and we need to relearn the art of asking for support and understanding when we need it. That's another thing that's robbed from an abused boy; he learns to shut up and fear the consequences of being heard.

I hope you will continue to reach out when you need to. As you can see, you are heard and there are plenty of guys here who are listening and understanding every word, even more than those who post back to you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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