Honestly, I'm a little embarrassed with my post...tried to delete it but it was too late. I'll make it some how...thanks to support from people like you and Dewey and Kelly.
I've been kind of overwhelmed lately - medical tests in Germany and then new mod duties. So I haven't been in the Gay Forum as often as I would have liked and I didn't see your post until this morning.
Russ, I read your first post on this thread as you feeling low and lost and calling out to be heard. There's nothing to be embarrassed about in that and I'm glad you did it.
I remember a lot of bad times when I just wanted so badly to talk and know someone was listening. That's all. Just listen to me someone, that"s what I was saying. We all need to be heard, I think, and we need to relearn the art of asking for support and understanding when we need it. That's another thing that's robbed from an abused boy; he learns to shut up and fear the consequences of being heard.
I hope you will continue to reach out when you need to. As you can see, you are heard and there are plenty of guys here who are listening and understanding every word, even more than those who post back to you.