WTF??? H gets a call from her today saying that he is going to be served. What?? She is sueing him for lost wages at her job. (After they found out what she did she quit, at the request of the manager) She said that if he doesn't pay her what she would have made the rest of this year plus what she would have made next year she will formally sue him, and "tell all kinds of stories in court." WTF?

He is already broken to the point of barely being able to function, he CANNOT handle this. He says that the phone call rattled him so much he didn't know what to do, but he did say, "You r*ped me, now you want money from me? No way." She is going to call him tomorrow.

What to do? I told him that he needs to call the police. He is mortified that people will find out about this and either think he's a lying cheating bastard, or think he's a girlie man for claiming that he was r*ped. Either way, lose/lose.

HOWEVER, she has already taken enough from us, and she WILL NOT get away with this. I think I'm going to sue her sorry predator A$$ for emotional distress. What should we do? Call the police?

Sounds like extortion to me. I'd call the police.

Call the police...

Document EVERYTHING, from the beginning of this nightmare
until now...

Not sure of the laws in your state, but you should record the
conversations from now on...go to radio shack or your local
electronics supplier and buy some phone recording equipment...
Here in AZ only ONE person has to give consent to record
a conversation and that person can be YOU not the other person...

I agree with Frog protect yourself by recording the phone conversation. Don't know if there is a need to go to the police with a formal complant yet but you may want to call and talk to a detective about the extortion. They should be able to give you some feed back on what you can do.

It sounds like it is a lot of HOT AIR coming from her.

Tom

I'm not a lawyer but I've worked in law for many years. Eddie is right about the extortion angle. It could be criminal extortion. The only trouble is, you need evidence and a Dist Atty whom will prosecute this type of case. But I would contact the police. Any evidence they gather for you becomes official. Your own tapes may or may not be accepted in court.

I'm also not a lawyer, but have been involved in legal matters for some time.
1. You do need to contact the police. They've heard it all, and if you talk with someone on the sexual assault unit it may help.
2. Talk with them or someone knowledgeable before you see if you can set up a sting.
3. It may not be "merely" extortion, but also a crime given use of communication systems (e.g., mail....) That means, you may have a federal case on your hands--bad for her, potentially better for you.
4. It seems to me (for what this is worth) that she has no grounds whatsoever to sue your H in relation to her job termination. He wasn't her boss, and didn't make the decision. (Now, she might be twisted enough to sue him for sexual harassment, but that's another matter.)
Good luck. This may be useful in the long run--something that demonstrates really how messed up she is. I will hope for the best for you.

Peace,
HG

Thanks all. We've had lots of advice from attorneys and a private investigator. H is ready to take her down. He says that in a way, it will help him to be assertive and finally make her pay for all the pain she has caused him. Plus, I think he wants to prove to me that he can prtect his family. Sting is planned...

Sadly, becuase this will be a federal charge with 10 years minimum (perfect place for a r*pist, if you ask me), I'm sure that it will get much uglier before it gets better. But, if life is truly like the good old John Wayne westerns, good always wins.

wife,

i'm sorry to hear things have progressed this direction; i'm also sorry to say i warned you this might very well happen back on july 22nd in my previous post:



now, i'm going to say something that might fly in the face of everything you feel, want to do, and how you think things might go for you.

you might also recall i wrote about who would be believed if this was ever to go to trial? you described your husband as tall and well built, and her as much smaller -

believe me, you don't want this to go to trial - it sounds like she has a down-and-dirty atty, one who will go to the mat for his client, and it probably doesn't matter one bit if she's lying or not. if they are suing you civilly, it's about money, plain and simple. (lost wages, remember?)

first piece of advice - there are lots of attys whose only way of thinking is to fight; the more their clients hate each other, the better for them, the more time they spend filing motions and defending them, going to court, the higher their fees, so literally, fighting for them is quite lucrative.

so a good "go get'm attitude lawyer" at first sounds great, but in the long run, well, sometimes talking and mediation is really the best. you have your back up about this, rightly so of course, but considering the situation, mediation might actually be better. your husband, did, after all, participate in a sexual act (that part has not been denied), whether it was rape or not must be proven in a court of law if that's where it's headed (i believe he was raped, as many on this board do but we're quite biased you know).

in other words, your husband has to be ready to open up and expose an awful lot of vulnerability - in a PUBLIC FORUM - as to why he believes he was raped - if he's really going to fight this in court. it could be VERY expensive to defend this, calling experts in to testify, etc.

i don't think anyone would really think that much less of him if he decided not to do that, would you? really?

on the other side, mediation (arbitration lawyers do this, contact your local office to find an arbitration lawyer) can very possibly provide a much less confrontational solution and one that can put this thing to rest legally once and for all.

once again wife, i DO understand your seething, raging anger inside and how much you really want to confront this woman. however, it could very well be things don't go your way, are you prepared for that? if both sides agree to an arbitration, generally there are no appeals allowed by either side, the final decision is final, period, that's it.

in a civil or criminal trial (if it goes that far)the appeals can go on and last for years - and until it's settled legally it will be in your life, your home, your bedroom, there won't be any escape, for a long, long time.

your marriage has withstood a lot; more than many, and you have my utmost respect and admiration for that. i only wish you the very best and hope you'll consider putting your anger aside while you think of what really is the best thing for your marriage, your husband and your lives together.

wishing you only the best,
indy

wife,

one more thing - i hate to say this, really i do and i'm not doing it to be negative or anything, just to prepare you for the worst case scenario - if - and that's a big IF - if by some chance this woman succeeds in civil court, it could very well be that the d.a. would pursue criminal charges against your husband.

please make sure all your counsels are telling you every possibility, not just what they think you want to hear, ok? insist on hearing everything; they know your district and the judges and what may and may not happen better than anyone.

again, all the best,
indy

you have your back up about this, rightly so of course, but considering the situation, mediation might actually be better. your husband, did, after all, participate in a sexual act (that part has not been denied)

[/quote]

Indygal,

While I appreciate your brutal honesty, I wonder if any of the male survivors here would agree that one needs to participate to be raped? My H has said that he felt like he "allowed" it, that he emotionally ran, that he was a "bump on a log." He just stood there, while she.... Is that participating?

I know that you are trying to help, but the bottom line is that he was raped. He knows it, and he thinks she knows it. She wants money, mostly becuase she knows how painful this is for my H and she thinks that he'll do anything to make her go away.

If she goes to jail, it will be for extortion, which has nothing to do with what happened that night. Keep in mind that she still has family here, and it is very important to her that they think she is little miss perfect. Her husband still doesn't know, and she never had any intention of him finding out. She was power-driven, and would have held this incident over my husband's head indefinitely.

I do hear what you're saying, and fully intend to go into this with eyes wide open (these days, there are no other options anyway). My H has told his story to several people, plus has the support of the therapist he used to work though the rape revelation. She has told several different versions of the story to several different people. (One of them was that it was a lengthy affair lasting several months)

I think I'm rambling, it's hard to see through all the pain...