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#181255 - 09/19/07 05:51 PM Re: Had enough [Re: Muldoon]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Beccy -

I bid YOU Peace.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#181258 - 09/19/07 05:59 PM Re: Had enough [Re: kellygtx]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Thanks Guys...


I think I have just realised my own needs by doing this, but yet I sit here feeling horrible. He's only been gone a few hours and already I seem to miss his near-ness. I have written him a letter telling him I love him, but need for things to be less confusing in order to be a happy person and a healthy partner. I don't want him to feel I don't love him.



peace
Beccy


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#181261 - 09/19/07 06:19 PM Re: Had enough [Re: beccy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
{{{{{Beccy}}}}} You'll be OK because you want to be OK. You work at it constantly and it is not a losing battle, I believe that and you'll get to the point where you can believe it too. It's OK and entirely proper to be sad and miserable. Just because you are the one who made the decision doesn't make it hurt any less. So let yourself hurt and don't expect too much of yourself right away. In time that smile will creep back onto your face and you won't even realize it was ever gone.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#181269 - 09/19/07 07:11 PM Re: Had enough [Re: Trish4850]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Trish is absolutely correct.....one day at a time, even one second at a time, how's that line go?

"Put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the door" (not literally but you get the idea)

(((((((((Group HUG)))))))))))))

always,
Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#181426 - 09/20/07 01:26 PM Re: Had enough [Re: Agape Girl]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Hey, Beccy--
You've been struggling for a while with all of this. I'm sorry it's all so hard!
But you are still, no matter what, a very capable and loving woman and a responsible mother. It is OK to stick up for yourself and honor your convictions. More than OK--essential.
It's very hard not to know what will happen next; we always think it's possible to arrange our lives so that there's certainty. Now you know (again) that this is not true.
Be not afraid: you have done many hard things already in your life, and you can do this too, however it all turns out.
Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#181483 - 09/20/07 09:39 PM Re: Had enough [Re: Muldoon]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
Beccy,

I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is. But I do promise you that after you feel totally bummed and wonder if it really was that bad, you'll start to find yourself and you'll start to be happy with the chaos and pain and fighting gone.

It's been almost 4 months for me and it has been hard but things are falling into place. I'm sure you'll get there too.

I'm sure you are and always will be a wonderful mother and that will not change if you do become a single mother. My relationship with my sons has become so much closer because I don't have my husbands crap getting in the way, it's just them that I concentrate on now.

I believe in you and I know you can do it. I really do know what your going through and it's tough right now.

Your in my thoughts,
Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#181488 - 09/20/07 10:00 PM Re: Had enough [Re: Muldoon]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi Beccy,

Sorry to hear about you and the place that your in. What your going through has to be a very difficult situation to deal with. I can relate to the situation somewhat as I too have had to deal with some of the same issues your bf has struggled with. And, being married, I certainly can see your side of the situation.

I guess for me it is important to see you doing what you need to do for you. That is the right thing to do and you seem to be handling things the way they need to be handled.

I can only commend you for your strength, for choosing to take care of yourself in such a difficult time. I think that is a good start and by so doing, everything else will fall into place as it needs to. I only wish you the best.

Barney


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#181527 - 09/21/07 08:07 AM Re: Had enough [Re: Barney]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Thanks for the moral support HG, Angie, Barney.....


Yesterday I began to worry I'd done the wrong thing.....had terrible insomnia last night......gave bf my letter yesterday. Later on he said he had one to give to me too.....today he still hasn't given me one....said he didn't finish it.....I don't know why I feel so upset by this...



Today I feel very low.



peace
Beccy


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#181592 - 09/21/07 01:08 PM Re: Had enough [Re: beccy]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Hi, Beccy,
Have you ever gone back to review your posts here, or anything else that gives you a record of what you have been feeling and thinking in the past few months?
I know, I always want to keep a journal myself but I never have done so consistently.
But my idea is that if you look back as best as you can--to documents that you actually wrote then, because of course it's hard to recreate ourselves accurately in retrospect--I suspect that you will see a picture emerge. What I see in particular is someone with a more and more solid sense of self, able to understand where you leave off and where other people begin. Yep, boundaries, and you're doing very well with recalibrating them, I think.
I also see someone who is doing better with being patient with herself and with the process of living. Sure, I sympathize-- when I'm miserable I want the discomfort to stop as soon as possible (like yesterday). But it seems to me that you're developing a sense of baseline stability: today is a bad day, maybe, but tomorrow might not be. And in any case, you can cope with what comes.
Yes, it's rotten, and yes, I feel for you in your heartache. But there is much about your life that is still OK. And you and your children will be OK, no matter what develops over the long term for you and your BF.
Ten years from now--heck, even two--you'll have an entirely different perspective. That might not make it easier to accept the uncertainty now. But remember to give yourself credit for having already accomplished many challenging things in your life. Here's another challenge; you can meet it.
Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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