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#180632 - 09/16/07 05:14 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
Paul1959 Offline

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
As a father of two, it is certainly part of my job to model affection for my wife to my kids. I think in our culture we all know quite clearly where the line is. The best way to be a good father is to love their mother. I think your T is probably over reacting to something you said, or, at the very least did a bad job of communicating a point to you. If, indeed, you are to not show physical affection to your wife in front of your kids, I think you need a new T. Looking back over my childhood, I was quite comforted in the stability of my parents' relationship when I saw physical expressions of love - and trust me, it was all certainly G rated (he never touched her body in intimate places)- but snuggles, kisses, caressing all done in appropriate context give a child a healthy view of physical affection and give them assurances that their parents are in love and not going anywhere.
Trust your gut with this. It is probably right.

#180685 - 09/16/07 09:48 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Paul1959]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
I agree pretty much with Paul. The contact between the parents is pretty normal unless it is very loud or obvious. Normal contact, whether it is a kiss or hug in daylight in front of the kids, should be seen as a normal.

At night, hopefully the sexual contact between parents is not loud or obvious. Discretion means that the parents are quiet in their lovemaking and don't groan or moan in the same room as the kids if they have to share the space or the sounds could travel.

Seems like common sense to me.


Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#180687 - 09/16/07 10:05 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16268

I have to agree with Paul as well on this. Not only when he speaks of healthy physical contact between parents in view of children, but also in regard to the therapist's communication with you. Either he's one of the "walking wounded" which means he has his own issues that are spilling over into his professional life, or he's not communicating well his true meaning. Either way you need clarification and/or another therapist.


“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

#180761 - 09/17/07 10:53 AM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
kellygtx Offline

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Frog -

I am joining this a little late. But what I would do with my wife and with my kids are two entirely different things - like you WTF?

I would touch my wife in public in ways I would never touch my children but in no way would I consider them seeing that sexual abuse. They see far worse on VH1 or for that matter the Disney Channel!!

I often rub her leg, or put my hand in her back pocket while walking, or come up behind her and put my arms around her and pat her stomach...and I do that in front of the kids. That in my opinion is not sexual abuse.

I bid you Peace.


The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

#180870 - 09/18/07 01:16 AM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: kellygtx]
Frog Offline

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona


I agree...most of which you have described I do almost daily
w/ my GF in-front of OUR children...It is in no way uncomfortable
for me or her...maybe I should ask our kids what they think about
our "affection"...

on there disturbs me at times and I have them change the channel...

As for VH1/BET/MTV they are ALL BLOCKED...hehehe \:\) plus a few
others...and we don't have any of the premium channels like
HBO and the like...except for all our sports channels... \:\)

A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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