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#180734 - 09/17/07 09:40 AM The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
The Greatest Act of LOVE

I know that many of you feel that we where dishonest by not telling you about the abuse before we got married. Most of us didn't think there was anything important to tell. Shit the SA had no effect on our live so far and it wasn't going to effect our lifes together with you. What was there to tell.

We have been told all our lives to

Just Get Over IT - MOVE ON - PUT IT BEHIND YOU

Little did we know how it was all going to come back and rip our lives apart years later.


I just want to let you gals know that telling is the hardest thing in the world for us to do. But there was no choice, we love you and the family we created together.


Telling you truly was the

The Greatest Act of LOVE, EVER

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#180821 - 09/17/07 05:15 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: Muldoon]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Thank you... I pray my husband feels that way one day and comes back home!!!! he does have a family that loves him !!!


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#180824 - 09/17/07 05:59 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: ptsdwife]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for my husband to carry around such a weight for most of his adult life...feeling isolated, full of shame and guilt for something he had no control over...then add having to see this brother throughout the years during family gatherings. I had no idea. He had told me all along that his brother-abuser was mean, but I did not fully understand the magnitude of what mean was until last summer. Although this has been one of the most difficult experiences that we have ever lived, I am grateful that he had the courage to disclose. I feel that regardless of it taking him 19 years to tell me about it, he is doing his best and I'm very proud of him for his strength and determination to work towards a better life for himself and our family.

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#241450 - 07/30/08 10:35 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: sweet-n-sour]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
i just wanted to bump this up. I think many of us here now, could benefit from reading these words.

Thank you Muldoon. NYDAISY



Edited by NY Daisy (07/30/08 10:36 PM)

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#241520 - 07/31/08 11:23 AM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: NY Daisy]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
NYDaisy thanks. I totally forgot I wrote these words.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#241528 - 07/31/08 11:56 AM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: Muldoon]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Yep, I had to get over why didn't you trust me real quick. He needs me, he needs me to be strong, supportive and loving. He has enough guilt to deal with. I'm sad some days about all the wasted time, but it's not his fault....he could only do what he could do...and keeping that secret was very important to keeping him sane. It was the most intense, scary moment I've ever had the day I sat down and refused to listen to the "didn't happen" speech after I had some concrete knowledge of the abuse. His anger was huge, his fear bigger. I'll never forget the day he let it all out...he's not filled with rage anymore. Thanks for the reminder Muldoon.



Edited by dangal (07/31/08 12:06 PM)
_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#241529 - 07/31/08 12:01 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: dangal]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
For me ,I thought as I got older It would not effect me.I would be more mature..but I didnt mature


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#241543 - 07/31/08 01:34 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: youthfulheart62]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
Wow Muldoon I needed to hear that. It is so hard wanting to help my husband so much and he is pushing me away. If he could only say that once he gets through this we could pick up our life again I would feel fine, but he doesn't say that. He is going to worry about him and his soul and when he takes care of that we will see. How can he feel like it is ok after all these years of being together and raising a family (20 yrs). He tells me he will always love me, maybe not as my husband but will always have love for me. What does that mean?
Thank you for your kind words.


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#241739 - 08/01/08 12:44 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: NY Daisy]
sparrowsong Offline


Registered: 07/31/08
Posts: 1
Hi everyone \:\)
I have just joined this site in support of my wonderful boyfriend, who recently opened up to me about his CSA. I can only imagine what a very vulnerable, scary moment it must have been for him when he told me. He is really the most important person in my life and though I had some moments of struggle regarding this site near the beginning(see post My Girlfriend and My Struggle), I am really so happy that he has found a positive, safe, and loving environment where he AND I can seek healing and support. Thank you all for being there for him.

He really must love me a lot to have told me, and this post has just reinforced that point in my heart and mind.


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#241750 - 08/01/08 01:16 PM Re: The Greatest Act of Love - Telling You [Re: sparrowsong]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
sparrowsong,

Welcome. I'm glad to see you and that you are supporting your b/f. This site is wonderful and I'm sure it will be of help to both you. One word of caution though. When partners post here, feelings can sometimes get a bit mixed up between the two of you as to what's OK to post and what's not. Sometimes one or the other of you may feel inhibited because the other is here. So, first, I recommend that the two of you speak and work out some ground rules that work for the two of you. Second, there is the membership option for one or both of you. With membership, there is an almost duplicate set of forums. The F&F can't see the MS forum and the MS can't see the F&F forum which allows more freedom if difficult issues are brought up. I'd love to see both of you become members, but I'll be honest and tell you that I seem to be quite alone in F&F at the moment, but the MS side is thriving and active. If you have any questions about this, let me know and I'll be happy to help out.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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