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#18064 - 11/05/02 11:41 PM for the last month
jaketk Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 49
Loc: illinois
for the last month and a half i've been having sex with this girl i met in class. she's a friend of a friend, and one night, before going to a party, she was flirting with me, one thing lead to another, and i simply gave in to keep her from going on and on about herself. i must have done something right, because we do almost every time we hang out. or should i say go out, i'm not sure.

she has no clue about my past. i've never said anything about myself, and aside from her seeing a few scars here and there, i doubt she'd have any clue. i honestly have no intention of telling her. it opens too much of a pandora's box.

my problem is that i'm the least bit interested in her. i can't relax with her. i don't even trust her. every part of me says push her away, but, well, you know how that goes. when i'm with her, i go on auto-drive. and when she wants to make out, i just do it. i follow her lead. i listen and try to figure out what she wants done, then i work my way to it, do it, and find another spot, another something to add to the foreplay before the sex happens. i'm not at all aroused by her. i haven't gotten off with her at all. i can still perform, that's easy, just nothing happens.

this is so reckless. i haven't used protection once, thought hasn't even crossed my mind. well, that's not true. it has, just haven't gone and got the condoms. i'm just thinking about how stupid this whole thing is, how i'm putting myself in this position, and i don't even know why. hell, i don't even like her, but i feel like i'm in a situation where if i stop it, she'll reject, and i can't figure out why i even care.

i can't believe i'm allowing myself to be used like this.

jake


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#18065 - 11/06/02 12:13 AM Re: for the last month
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Jake,

You are not an object to be used and the pain down the road will not be worth not stopping this now. I hope you can find the strength to do what you want and move on from this bad relationship. you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is sensitive to your needs. Someone you can allow to know all of you.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#18066 - 11/06/02 03:02 AM Re: for the last month
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
Nice to see you back Jake. Similar to what Ken said, the pain and hassle you are setting up for yourself later are not worth whatever little you are getting out of this. As far as not knowing why you are letting yourself be used this way, its simple. You're accustomed to being used. Even though you know its not good for you, its probably comfortably familiar in an odd sort of way. A healthy situation might even feel threatening and produce a lot of anxiety. With this girl, you are on familiar ground, performing in ways that have always been expected. You are just beginning to realize how unhealthy it is and that is the first step, so you are on your way. Nip this in the bud and stop giving yourself away to anybody who asks.

You and your body are not for the taking. You get to choose who you share yourself with. When you are 21 and single, the recreational sex you have should at least be hot. That's part of the fun of being 21 and single! And for god's sake, be careful. Condoms are not exactly a scarce natural resource. Buy a box and keep them where they are easily accessible, in various parts of your house if necessary. Along with water soluble lube, too. Also, and this is important, never wear two condoms thinking you are getting extra protection. The two condoms wear against each other and both break. Believe me, straight men can get HIV, along with other things, from sex with women. I have been the one who has had to give them their test results. I've also had to give the results to their wives and girlfriends they have brought the virus home to, so better safe than sorry. Thanks for letting me get on my soapbox about this for a minute, its important information. Back to you, let it go with this girl. You are just repeating past behavior you were conditioned to do as a kid and thats over now. You get to do what you want.

Roy


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#18067 - 11/06/02 01:08 PM Re: for the last month
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jake
it's every mans dream to have a cute girl throwing themselves at them, hey - sex is sex !
But making LOVE is different, so different.

Tell her it's not working, thanks but no thanks. Move on.

You've already figured out it's doing you harm, it must be to mention it. Don't let it do you lasting harm Jake.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#18068 - 11/06/02 06:26 PM Re: for the last month
jaketk Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 49
Loc: illinois
i know that with this girl, i feel nothing. i don't like her. i'm starting to think that's indication that maybe i'm not attracted to females to begin with. or maybe it's just her. there's no attraction there. i'm not aroused by her at all; the sex happens more as reflex than actual desire.

as a result, i haven't had an orgasm with her. so i doubt i could have impregated her. i know about that it's possible for pregancy to happen without an orgasm, but i doubt she's pregant. i know i should use protection, and i've had plenty of opportunities to buy condoms. it's my own recklessness, and laziness, that is the reason for my not purchasing them.

another thing is that sex doesn't do much for me. i don't really like it. i see it as a way of pleasing someone else, not myself. maybe that'll change as i get older.

it's kind of like i'm someone to party with her. i'm willing to please her, and what woman doesn't like a guy who focuses on her needs? i think every woman would like a guy like me, who doesn't ask for anything in return. a kind of life-size toy.

she's the rowdy type, so i think if i break it off, she'll get loud, and probably get in my face, and if she does that, it'll get real ugly. i wouldn't hurt her, but i would let her walk all over me either.

i'll just have to try it, because it really isn't working, and you guys are right, it does feel like i'm right back at home, with my aunt.

jake


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#18069 - 11/06/02 09:15 PM Re: for the last month
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Jake, the fluids you have prior to orgasim can get someone pregnant. The fluids can have some sperm. Chance is smaller, but still there.

Don't fool your self. Unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#18070 - 11/07/02 11:34 PM Re: for the last month
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
Jake, I did mayn things like that when i was 13-15, *had sex with people i didn't care about, and just felt used* But the only thing that made me stop and realize what i was doiing was hurting me. *physicly sometimes* but mostly mentaly. And i thought how horrible i felt after and uncomfy i was during it. And I stoped by thinkin of how i felt when it was all over. Hope this helps.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#18071 - 11/07/02 11:38 PM Re: for the last month
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
Hey jake, Me again, but I just thought of something else I did to help me. This was to make up things to keep my self away from those people who tempted me or i usually edned up having sex with. Also i found places to go after school *work, or class for you* to keep my self occupied so that i wouldn't have time. Just thought id add that.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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