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#180707 - 09/17/07 01:44 AM dirty little boy , will trigger
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
look at you adam, such a dirty little boy
you never really were ,their bundle of joy
they didnt love you then ,they dont love you still
but if your a good boy ,i promise i will
see iv'e got you now ,and i'm all that you got
if you will let me ,i can teach you a lot
we'll start with some touching ,just here and there
iit will feel so good, you wont even care
no it wont hurt ,it will be fun
i only do this with you ,your my special one
i know it feels different ,but dont be scared
if we do this together ,it will be a secret we shared
just our way of proving ,how much we care
see how your body says this is good?
its telling you we are doing ,just what we should
it's saying you love me , i want to love you to
if we do something more ,would that be ok ?
i promise to go slow i'll show you the way
do you feel the heat as i take you inside ?
i feel you react ,it fills me with pride
i know that your mine now ,you'll never go back
the sounds that i hear ,escape from your heart
i know you will love it ,it;s only the start
so show me adam ,that your love is true
just bend down here ,i'll tell you what to do
i know it seems nasty ,and too big for you
but if you love someone ,this is what you do
your mouth might be sore ,but that can be healed
if you do this for me ,our love will be sealed
you'll be mine forever ,they wont take you away
please if you love me ,you'll do it ok?
what are you doing ?your turnning away!
you should be a good boy ,and do what i say
thats better so much better, see it's not so bad
look up at me baby ,but dont look so sad
you've learned this so well ,for something so new
but there are even better things ,that we can do
real man things , then you'll be a man to
do you want me to do it? to make you a man ?
you have to be strong , but i know you can
it might hurt at first ,but the pain will go
if you just relax ,if you just let it happen
it will be so much better ,
dont make me hurt you ,dont make me mad
when i get mad ,it gets very bad
dont cry on me boy ,this is'nt play
i'll show you pain ,that wont go away
it's no use to fight ,you know you cant win
i'll beat you to pieces ,then lock you in
so now that its over ,look what you've done
you made me do this ,your the guilty one
your so dirty adam black through and through
so tell dear adam ,what should i do ?
what can i do ,with a boy as dirty as you?
you made me a monster ,what can i say ?
i'm sorry poor adam ,but you have to pay
each time i hit you its out of love
it's to drive out the bad ,that your so full of
this pain will make you understand that this is real
this pain will wash out ,all the bad you conceal
i do this to help you ,i'm not being mean
your such a dirty boy ,you'll never be clean
you can wash ,you can scrub you can stand in the rain
nothing will wash it away ,except your blood and your pain
taste it adam ,taste the pain
tease the flavors ,of guilt and shame , that taste of copper
fills your mouth like mud ,taste it adam taste your own blood
if i hurt you enough ,if you say what you mean
if you say that you love me ,i'll beat you clean .
it's enough for today ,you did very well
you passed your first test you like the pain that i can tell
so back to the closet ,you should try to rest ,
rest gives you strenght ,i want you at your best
tomorrow will be easy just wait and see
if you really love me ,you wont fight no more
if you dont fight then i'll know for sure . i love you dear adam its why you live your pain is exquisite your blood flows like wine and from this day forward you'll always be mine .



if this dont belong here please move it or remove it ,its one of those things that had t o be let out you know?no thought went into this i sat and it came adam























Edited by shadowkid (09/17/07 01:48 AM)
_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180708 - 09/17/07 01:48 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
Shaking...I hate him beyond words


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#180721 - 09/17/07 08:51 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: healingpartner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
ditto on what she said

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#180728 - 09/17/07 09:07 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
lots of tears this morning. tears of understanding. I ache for you, my friend. you and little Adam. I too feel the hate mentioned before, but more than that I feel the pain of the child who was trapped into believing the lies.

thank you for sharing your heart.

M


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#180737 - 09/17/07 09:43 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: MarkK]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
And I feel the pain for the man that still believes them....


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#180776 - 09/17/07 12:32 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: healingpartner]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I am so sorry Adam....words dont do my anger justice.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#180790 - 09/17/07 01:51 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
hp is right ,in lots of ways i do believe it and since i can find no othher reason why bad things keep happening its real easy to think well he was right i do deserve it. i did what he wanted ,i had a choice ,i coulda died .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180805 - 09/17/07 02:52 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
one thing this shows is even if a perp realizes what hes done after its over,and feels bad?this is how he deals with it ,i was to blame i made him a monster and i had to pay for what he did . i made him molest me so i had to pay hell he thought he was doing me a favor! strange though he never stopped molesting me and i never got hurt enough to make up for it .if i made him do it and he punished me ,then why did he do it over and over for 97 days?the sex would have been bad enough but i had to pay after everytime.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180897 - 09/18/07 06:55 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
thanks to everyone that responded ,it has helped just getting this out

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180919 - 09/18/07 09:17 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

I'm so sorry. Reading this poem brings back so many of the things we've talked about over the last two years. But mainly I want you to know you didn't deserve a bit of it. None of it. No boy does.

It's hard to see the truth of this, but we all make our way to the light in different ways. One of these days you will as well. I am very sure of that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#180951 - 09/18/07 11:56 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: roadrunner]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I read it

The evil that men do

fucking evil...............


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#181080 - 09/18/07 08:10 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: Hauser]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I'm so sorry, Adam.

You have every right to the anger that you have.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#181094 - 09/18/07 09:01 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: BJK]
SECfanMIKE Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/15/07
Posts: 172
Loc: South Carolina
ADAM...

How I hurt with you. The start sounds so much like what my grand-uncle did in seducing me. I can barely breath. My anger at the men who violated us...the pain they caused us.

You're SO brave sharing that. I admire you for being the man you are today.

Love you, bro... Mike <><

_________________________
"...for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him..."

"...rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep..."

"...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost..."

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#181133 - 09/18/07 11:44 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: SECfanMIKE]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Adam, I am glad you shared this. It was hard for me to read. I had to stop several times and read certain sentences over, because the cruelty they illustrated is beyond me. I am so disgusted that people do such things to little children. There is absolutely NO way ever a child "deserves" such a violation. What you wrote makes me think about my dear husband and I feel I know the hell he went through a little better. I am so angry that you and all the other children this has happened to had no adult around to protect them. Someone should be watching out for children like a hawk.

Awhile back a tv news crew came to our home. They came to interview us b/c there was a thing about whether sex offenders should be allowed to move into our neighborhood or not. We expressed politely that we would rather they weren't. After they left, my dad, who was visiting but was unaware of what the "interview" was about, reacted appropriately when we told him what it was about. He said, "I wish they would have asked me that question. I would have said, 'Sure, they can come to this neighborhood....but they have to be killed first.'"

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#181134 - 09/18/07 11:59 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger *DELETED* [Re: Brokenhearted]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#181159 - 09/19/07 09:17 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: nicky]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
(((((((adam))))))) hugs if okay bro?

im really sorry about what happened. it made me cry, i wish i could a helped in some way.


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#181263 - 09/19/07 06:26 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: Nyjah]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
you have helped in lots of ways nyjah, believe that k? dont think i'll ever feel any better than i did when you said small hugs are ok ,know what? it made it all worth it!

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#181401 - 09/20/07 12:01 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
you're welcome bro. thanks for helping me with hugs. i really appreciate them. i keep wishing i could go backwards in time and save everybody. kinda stupid though.


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#181465 - 09/20/07 07:19 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: Nyjah]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Nyjah
i keep wishing i could go backwards in time and save everybody. kinda stupid though.


I wish the same thing, Nyjah. I don't think it's stupid, though.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#181467 - 09/20/07 07:33 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: BJK]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
that kinda goes wth how i think to ,id stay this way forever if it meant all you guys would heal, ms taught me that i care more and hurt more for all you guys more than i do for myself.what i mean is my healing to me is not whats so important its seeing all of you get better .that would heal me

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#181473 - 09/20/07 07:56 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
If seeing us get better would heal you, Adam, then that gives me a pretty strong desire to get better.

Seriously.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#182677 - 09/27/07 08:41 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: Nyjah]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nyjah,

Originally Posted By: Nyjah
i keep wishing i could go backwards in time and save everybody. kinda stupid though.



That's not stupid at all, bro. It's a kind and compassionate thought and says a lot about Nyjah.

We can't go back, but what we CAN do is work in the present and future to help ourselves and each other. The friendship that you and Adam have is such a powerful and good thing for you guys in both those ways. Keep "being there" for each other. Sometimes we regret it when that's all we can do, but that's already a hell of a lot.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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