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#180707 - 09/17/07 01:44 AM dirty little boy , will trigger
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
look at you adam, such a dirty little boy
you never really were ,their bundle of joy
they didnt love you then ,they dont love you still
but if your a good boy ,i promise i will
see iv'e got you now ,and i'm all that you got
if you will let me ,i can teach you a lot
we'll start with some touching ,just here and there
iit will feel so good, you wont even care
no it wont hurt ,it will be fun
i only do this with you ,your my special one
i know it feels different ,but dont be scared
if we do this together ,it will be a secret we shared
just our way of proving ,how much we care
see how your body says this is good?
its telling you we are doing ,just what we should
it's saying you love me , i want to love you to
if we do something more ,would that be ok ?
i promise to go slow i'll show you the way
do you feel the heat as i take you inside ?
i feel you react ,it fills me with pride
i know that your mine now ,you'll never go back
the sounds that i hear ,escape from your heart
i know you will love it ,it;s only the start
so show me adam ,that your love is true
just bend down here ,i'll tell you what to do
i know it seems nasty ,and too big for you
but if you love someone ,this is what you do
your mouth might be sore ,but that can be healed
if you do this for me ,our love will be sealed
you'll be mine forever ,they wont take you away
please if you love me ,you'll do it ok?
what are you doing ?your turnning away!
you should be a good boy ,and do what i say
thats better so much better, see it's not so bad
look up at me baby ,but dont look so sad
you've learned this so well ,for something so new
but there are even better things ,that we can do
real man things , then you'll be a man to
do you want me to do it? to make you a man ?
you have to be strong , but i know you can
it might hurt at first ,but the pain will go
if you just relax ,if you just let it happen
it will be so much better ,
dont make me hurt you ,dont make me mad
when i get mad ,it gets very bad
dont cry on me boy ,this is'nt play
i'll show you pain ,that wont go away
it's no use to fight ,you know you cant win
i'll beat you to pieces ,then lock you in
so now that its over ,look what you've done
you made me do this ,your the guilty one
your so dirty adam black through and through
so tell dear adam ,what should i do ?
what can i do ,with a boy as dirty as you?
you made me a monster ,what can i say ?
i'm sorry poor adam ,but you have to pay
each time i hit you its out of love
it's to drive out the bad ,that your so full of
this pain will make you understand that this is real
this pain will wash out ,all the bad you conceal
i do this to help you ,i'm not being mean
your such a dirty boy ,you'll never be clean
you can wash ,you can scrub you can stand in the rain
nothing will wash it away ,except your blood and your pain
taste it adam ,taste the pain
tease the flavors ,of guilt and shame , that taste of copper
fills your mouth like mud ,taste it adam taste your own blood
if i hurt you enough ,if you say what you mean
if you say that you love me ,i'll beat you clean .
it's enough for today ,you did very well
you passed your first test you like the pain that i can tell
so back to the closet ,you should try to rest ,
rest gives you strenght ,i want you at your best
tomorrow will be easy just wait and see
if you really love me ,you wont fight no more
if you dont fight then i'll know for sure . i love you dear adam its why you live your pain is exquisite your blood flows like wine and from this day forward you'll always be mine .



if this dont belong here please move it or remove it ,its one of those things that had t o be let out you know?no thought went into this i sat and it came adam























Edited by shadowkid (09/17/07 01:48 AM)
_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180708 - 09/17/07 01:48 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
Shaking...I hate him beyond words


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#180721 - 09/17/07 08:51 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: healingpartner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
ditto on what she said

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#180728 - 09/17/07 09:07 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
lots of tears this morning. tears of understanding. I ache for you, my friend. you and little Adam. I too feel the hate mentioned before, but more than that I feel the pain of the child who was trapped into believing the lies.

thank you for sharing your heart.

M


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#180737 - 09/17/07 09:43 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: MarkK]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
And I feel the pain for the man that still believes them....


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#180776 - 09/17/07 12:32 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: healingpartner]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I am so sorry Adam....words dont do my anger justice.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#180790 - 09/17/07 01:51 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
hp is right ,in lots of ways i do believe it and since i can find no othher reason why bad things keep happening its real easy to think well he was right i do deserve it. i did what he wanted ,i had a choice ,i coulda died .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180805 - 09/17/07 02:52 PM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
one thing this shows is even if a perp realizes what hes done after its over,and feels bad?this is how he deals with it ,i was to blame i made him a monster and i had to pay for what he did . i made him molest me so i had to pay hell he thought he was doing me a favor! strange though he never stopped molesting me and i never got hurt enough to make up for it .if i made him do it and he punished me ,then why did he do it over and over for 97 days?the sex would have been bad enough but i had to pay after everytime.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180897 - 09/18/07 06:55 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
thanks to everyone that responded ,it has helped just getting this out

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#180919 - 09/18/07 09:17 AM Re: dirty little boy , will trigger [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

I'm so sorry. Reading this poem brings back so many of the things we've talked about over the last two years. But mainly I want you to know you didn't deserve a bit of it. None of it. No boy does.

It's hard to see the truth of this, but we all make our way to the light in different ways. One of these days you will as well. I am very sure of that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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