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#180442 - 09/15/07 03:16 PM Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids?
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Got a question...

My psychologist told me that we could NOT be sexual in front
of our kids...i.e.; pat on the butt, rub of the thigh, any
thing that may be thought of as "SEXUAL" is off limits in
front of the kids...as these things/actions are considered by
the LAW and psychologists/counselors and so on as "sexual
abuse" of the children...
so this leaves only a light kiss, a hug or holding hands....
I'm pissed off....

Where the fuck are our kids supposed to learn how to properly
show affection in public or our home? What is considered
acceptable?

The fucking internet? Porn? Their fucked up friends? Television?
Movies? Radio? Advertising? Aren't these media outlets
sexually abusing our children w/ their very sexual content?
Isn't it even more so than what we show to our children?

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#180449 - 09/15/07 03:36 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Frog,

Victims and survivors of sexual abuse are naturally going to have their boundaries skewed a little when it comes to what is appropriate in front of their kids or in public. While I don't have kids of my own, I've talked to my sister, who does have kids, a great deal about this. We both believe that the best policy is to be as careful as possible when it comes to any type of sexual contact, especially in front of kids. Why? Because sex has been used as a way to gain power over us, and we need to make sure we never do that to someone else even if it is "accidental" (if there is such a thing).

A case in point...I consider a pat on the butt or a rub of the thigh to be quite inappropriate behavior in public.

However, I also find it important to make sure that your kids see you and your wife showing each other affection. That would invovled kissing, hugging, and holding hands. Maybe even a little cuddling, like putting your arm around her while watching a movie, would be appropriate. But when you consider how appropriate a behavior you display around your kids is, I think the best question would be to ask whether or not you would do that behavior to your kids.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#180452 - 09/15/07 03:48 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: BJK]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
So standing behind my woman while she is chopping some
veggies and rubbing her hips and smooching her neck is
inappropiate? WTF?

We do hold each other and cuddle during movies and
while watching television or just abouot anytime we
find comfortable or we realise we need it...

I do walk by and pat her on the butt every now and then
while walking by and maybe kissing her...I do not see
anything wrong with it...am I blind? Is it inappropiate
behavior?

Where are our kids going to learn "APROPIATE" SEXUAL
behaviors? In the above mentioned arenas?

I found this article on sexualization:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexualization





Edited by Frog (09/16/07 02:04 PM)
_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#180453 - 09/15/07 03:51 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Is rubbing the top of her thigh while watching TV considered
"SEXUAL"?

WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF?

Now it seems ANY/ALL DISPALYS OF AFFECTION ARE CONSIDERED
TO BE SEXUAL.....Now I'm supposed to just walk around life
not showing ANY affection towards others or my family...

A HUG is considered SEXUAL...TWO BODIES ARE TOUCHING SO
CLOSE YOU CAN FEEL THE OTHER PERSONS BODY...BIOLOGICALLY
WE ARE SEXUALLY STIMULATED BY TOUCH...IT IS SCIENTIFIC
FACT THAT WE ARE SEXUAL BEINGS...NOW I'M BEING TOLD I
CANNOT BE SEXUAL IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS? UGH....

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#180454 - 09/15/07 04:00 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Kids learn "appropriate sexual behaviors" through age-appropriate dialogue with their parents.

There is a fine line here. I don't see anything wrong with walking up to your woman, holding her hips, and giving her a quick smooch on the neck, and I don't see anything wrong with a quick butt-pat every once in a while either. However, remember that the reaction of your woman is just as important as your action. If she shrieks and jumps when you pat her on the butt, perhaps you'd better refrain from doing it in front of your kids.

If you are rubbing your woman's hips, or if your pat turns into a grope, I think that's where the line is drawn.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#180455 - 09/15/07 04:01 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: BJK]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I don't consider a hug to be sexual.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#180456 - 09/15/07 04:02 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: BJK]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Quote:
Victims and survivors of sexual abuse are naturally going to have their boundaries skewed a little when it comes to what is appropriate in front of their kids or in public.


Quote:
But when you consider how appropriate a behavior you display around your kids is, I think the best question would be to ask whether or not you would do that behavior to your kids.






Edited by BJK (09/15/07 04:03 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#180457 - 09/15/07 04:07 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: BJK]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Agreed...If she ever did jump or get offended I would immediately
stop and an offer apology and request forgiveness...

But I'm being told that I cannot express any "sexual" content
what-so-ever in front of our children...this disturbs me very
much considering I NEVER saw affection in our house growing
up...except from the multiple sexual abusers....

We try very hard to help our kids to see that there are alternatives
to what they are being exposed to outside of our influence of
the family...we have already lost one(she chose the partygirl lifestyle)
to the world and about to lose another to the influences of this sick twisted world...

So much for have morals...now I'm being told they are even wrong...





Edited by Frog (09/15/07 04:12 PM)
_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#180459 - 09/15/07 04:10 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: BJK]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Quote:
But when you consider how appropriate a behavior you display around your kids is, I think the best question would be to ask whether or not you would do that behavior to your kids.


NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I..............

So if I wouldn't do it to my kids, then I cannot do it to my
woman in front of them?

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#180460 - 09/15/07 04:12 PM Re: Being "SEXUAL" in front of your kids? [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Wow...stiffeled again...

I'm going back into my brain....I cannot live outside in this
world anymore...back to internalizing everything....no wonder
I do not have any friends....would rather be alone...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
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