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#180170 - 09/13/07 10:51 PM Question about chatroom
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Several of us were talking tonight, about how the chat room enviornment have changed over the years. (Not always is a bad thing). It seem sometime, there is times when all us, we go into chat, not really to work at issues so much, but to rather just 'be' somewhere not alone, and talk of rather 'fluffy' things instead of issues. That is a good thing, and all need that. You can not focus at serious issues all the time. But it can be rather sometime indimidating to try to bring up a serious issue in a room where everyone is having fun and talking silly things. And sometime, the treehouse already is in use.

There is the option of course to open a new room, and perhaps that should be what people do. But we were wondering of whether it would be good to have another room in chat for serious, trigering issues only? The lounge could remain more social, the treehouse could be where people go for a break from whatever, but there would be this room, that if you see people in there, you know it is talk only of serious issues, and you can join or not join as you wish. And then people would not be interuppted during serious talk by people coming and going in the lounge, with all the hellos and small talk that happen with that?

We just wanted to put it here, to see if it was possible, and also to see what other people thought on it.

Andrei


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#180174 - 09/13/07 11:08 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Androsh,

I think this is an EXCELLENT idea! I hope something like this can come about.


Top
#180181 - 09/14/07 12:25 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: FLRich]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
I agree i think its a good idea.


Top
#180182 - 09/14/07 12:41 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: theatrekid]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
You want another room for talking about triggers?
That sounds theraputic, and cathartic
but also risky.

Would registered users who are not paying members be allowed to post comments?

I am brand new here and this is my first post.

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

Top
#180189 - 09/14/07 02:21 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Power_water]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I don't mean necesary about just 'triggers'. But sometime when the talk in the main room is about basketball and cars and such, it is not comfortable to sudden say 'hey, I have an issue'. And just as you start to talk on it, 2 people show up, people say hellows, people get distracted, and you don't get to speak on what you most need to talk on. The making a private room is always an option. We were just wondering of whether that room could already exist. It would not have anything to do with paying or not paying members, just in regular chat room. And welcome to here, Power Water.

Andrei


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#180257 - 09/14/07 10:10 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
**DELETED**



Edited by nicky (04/27/08 02:05 AM)
_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




Top
#180258 - 09/14/07 10:10 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Andrei,

I will raise this topic with the administration and see what we can do.

-D2K


Top
#180920 - 09/18/07 09:24 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Dewey2k]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5379
Loc: Washington State
Andrei,

I know this is an older thread but I would like to ask a question or two, of you and all the men here. You have all heard me say before that our voice is our most powerful form of communication and the first thing taken from us when being abused. I have seen time and again men make there own subroom in chat. These rooms have a soul point or topic that they feel needs to be talked about. I find the amount of ownership and drive given by a member creating their own room more powerful then if I make another subchatroom.

lots of love always, Nathan


Top
#180953 - 09/18/07 11:57 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Nathan LaChine]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andrei,

I'm not sure what the answer is but I think you have an excellent point. I have seen it happen many times that a guy will be working his way towards talking about something important when suddenly the conversation is sidetracked somehow. I know that discouraged me a lot when I was new and I still see it happening, even with guys who have been around awhile.

One way forward, outside of chat, would be to join one of the Healing Circles. These are very powerful and positive experiences and I would recommend that guys give them a try.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#180963 - 09/18/07 12:18 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Nathan LaChine]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Nathan,
I am sorry, I have read your post several times and do not understand what you are saying, nor do I understand the questions you want answered.
I think Andrei has a valid point, I have the same concerns.
If you can please explain what you meant, I'd appreciate it.
~Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#180966 - 09/18/07 12:20 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: roadrunner]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Hi Larry,
I have seen comments about circles but I don't know what they are and how to participate.
Is this something people do on their own and invite others or soemthing that is open?
~Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#180986 - 09/18/07 02:18 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: rcm]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Nathan,

It is not anyone's wish here that someone's freedom to create a subroom be taken from them.

The point is, chat, is it is now, is not the same as chat was just 3 years ago. We used to be able to talk about anything in chat, being totally frank, without having to worry about triggers so much. We never tried to trigger each other, and if we were triggered, we went to Treehouse.

The point Androsh and others are trying to make is, we need a subroom where guys know right from the get go that the conversation going in there will be honest and frank, and may be triggering. It would be a room with none, or little of the fluff chat, instead a room where we could seriously talk about our issues without having to worry every other minute about triggering someone.

Most of us have dealt with triggers for years. Some of us are willing to take the risk of a triggering conversation if it helps us or one of our fellow survivors.

For those of us who are not ready to deal with triggers, we would still have the option of "friendly" chat in the regular chatroom and also the added option of creating our own subroom.

One more response to Nathan...I could not agree with you more about having our voice or communication taken from us as boys. We found our voice here! Do not try and take it away by restricting what we can and cannot mention because it may be triggering for someone else.

We need a serious chatroom!! When I feel like talking about my issues, I personally don't give a damn about what the weather is like in Kansas, or what someone's favorite pop song is, or what they are eating that moment for dinner. I don't want to have to pick and choose every word I type because what I type MAY trigger someone else. Know that I, and most guys here, would never intentionally try and trigger a soul. We just want a chatroom that we can chat about our SA issues. That shouldn't be too much to expect from a MaleSurvivor site.


Top
#181345 - 09/20/07 06:27 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: FLRich]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
Well, I have actually tried out the chat room now.
And for the most part, I like it.
I do think another room would be helpful, a room to rant and rave and or ask for serious help with a painful personal issues.
I did enjoy the lounge, but I felt there were an awful lot of hellos and goodbyes. Creating my own room is a shot in the dark.

One question I do have about the chat rooms is, why is my other user name displayed there? Can other people see more of my identity in the chat room? When I leave a post on the boards here, I am always listed as powerwater, but in the chat room it seems to display my other user name. I don't like it. And it could lead to some confusion for people trying to develop relationships of trust.
Here you have one registered user and on the boards you see one name and in the chat rooms, you see another name. Why?

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

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#181391 - 09/20/07 11:02 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Power_water]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
The user name shown in the chat room is currently your user name that you log into the discussion board with. We are investigating to see if the display name can be shown in the chat room instead of your user name, but it will take some time to find out, and if so, more time to change. Please be patient.


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#182183 - 09/24/07 11:07 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Dewey2k]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Again, this seems an issue today. I go into chat room, and in the 'lounge', there is talk about diet, weight loss, not funny jokes about AIDS, and totally ignoring of new people coming in. There needs to be a place where you can go into when you are in a more serious or upset mood and need to talk without that crap and constant interruption. I gone into treehouse which only have one other person who do not want to talk at all (which of course, is anyone's right). Else of creating my own room, that I do not want to do, my choice was to leave and not talk about what I need to talk about. There is a 'board of directors' room that is almost never, if ever used. How much more hard would it be to create a 'serious issues only' room?

Andrei


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#182185 - 09/24/07 11:14 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i didn't hear you ask for help ak. we can't read minds.


Top
#182187 - 09/24/07 11:17 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Andrei,

I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to talk about what is on your mind. All you really need to do is ask for help. We'd have been available to talk. But we don't know if there is something on your mind if you don't say something.

Sorry:(

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#182192 - 09/24/07 11:24 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: BJK]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Well since it seemed I was invisible, I did not think to ask for help would even been seen. Never mind it. I've learned.

Andrei


Top
#182205 - 09/25/07 12:23 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Andrei,

I hope I didn't come off the wrong way. I really want to help if you have issues.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#182215 - 09/25/07 01:08 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: BJK]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i think if you come into chat and its busy just like in the real world ,sometimes you gotta say hey !shut the fuck up and listen to me ! its really good pratice for finding your voice in the real world . most times i think the joking goes on cause no serious topic has been brought up ,like everybody is waiting for some body to say exactly that ,hey i need help listen t me . i know i wouldnt ignore it if somebody typed that .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#182221 - 09/25/07 02:04 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
I keep thinking about going into the chat room but I can't spell or type worth a crap and believe it or not the only chat that I have done is to family and friends on Google chat. I keep thinking of going in and just being a fly on the wall to see if I think it is something I can keep up with and I'm comfortable with but I understand that some take it as being rude if you don't say anything so I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe one day I might try if I can get over being embarrassed of how bad my chicken pecking is.

Brokensoul


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#182225 - 09/25/07 02:32 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Raul, the healing circles are a planned group meeting, of same people every week, in a locked room from the chat room. It is like organized chat, but there is not the distruptions of people coming and going and changing of subjects all the time. There are three or four of them right now, and the person you can contact to ask of it is 'Muldoon'. He is the one who start them, and he could answer better the questions you have about it, and to know which groups are smaller and able to take in new members right now.

And speaking for myself, it is difficult to come into chat and have no one even acknowledge you are there. I have very hard time to ask for help or for people to listen to me please, and when I do that, it is usually because I am at the 'end of the rope'. When you are feeling already down at yourself, and others in there are joking around and having a good conversation with each other and not even saying hello to new people coming in, that can be very intimidating to trying to say 'hello, I need help please'. Just my opinion of it. To come in and tell people to 'shut the f*** up and listen to me' is something that is not at all in my character, and I doubt ever it would be. I do not find that a bad thing.

VN


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#182274 - 09/25/07 11:10 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: VN]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
We discussed adding more permanent chat rooms for a week or so and came to the decision that we would not be adding them for the following reasons:
  • Additional rooms can be created as needed by the users
  • A desire to keep the number of permanent rooms to a minimum
  • Creating a room or asking for help (finding our voice) is positive action toward recovery, and is something survivors need to practice in general

While the last reason may not seem like an issue in terms of using the chat room, it is actually extremely important. Something as simple as creating our own room to discuss an issue that is important to us, or interrupting the usual banter in the Lounge and asking to discuss something difficult is another step toward reclaiming the voice that was taken from us when we were abused. Taking action to reclaim that voice in a supportive environment makes it easier to learn to do this in an environment that isn't so safe and supportive. It's an important lesson to learn.

If anyone would like to discuss this further, please feel free to PM me.

Thanks,
D2K for The ModTeam


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#182280 - 09/25/07 12:01 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Dewey2k]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Dewey,

I, for one am the shy sort. I can certainly remember when I first came to MS. There is NO WAY I would have cut into the conversations of guys I didn't know from Adam, and asked to be heard, or "find my own voice."

I'm sorry, I must be missing something of the "supportive environment" in the chatroom these days. Several nights ago I was in there and the list showed at least 8 people there. I said, "Hi," got no response, then asked, "Is anyone still here?" and got two people to respond, "Yes". After a few seconds, they checked out of the room. The rest of the people were in subrooms or PMing each other.

Two nights ago, there was a list of about 6-8 peope in there. One other survivor and I were talking, and a new member of MS came in to check out the chatroom. The two of us were the only ones in there to even talk to him. He even asked where everyone else was.

Several times I have come to chat recently and the topic has been what color thong they are wearing. This is a supportive environment? Bullshit!

Chat used to be different and serious without having to be the odd one out wanting to have frank discussions about SA, or having to create a subroom (when in fact it took all of your courage just to enter the chatroom). Doesn't matter, after 3 yrs, I have had the help I need to better deal with my SA issues, and it's all about me anyway. I just hope the new guys get the same opportunity.


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#182290 - 09/25/07 01:06 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: FLRich]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Just some thoughts, from a relatively new guy here. (who's not shy and can talk till the cows come home)

1) I use the chatroom to connect with other people.
2) Sometimes I'm in a light hearted mood, but other times I want to be serious.
3) I try to acknowledge new arrivals, but sometimes I am typing and it may take a few minutes.
4) I will do all I can to keep people talking.
5) When the conversation stalls, I will try different topics until people get involved.
6) Sometimes these topics will be light hearted, but if a serious topic comes up, I will happily go with it.
7) I was welcomed with open arms, when I first started chatting, and I try to return that favor.
8) I think everyone should keep in mind, we are here to share and help. To that end, if someone comes in and wants to talk about an issue, we should respect that. I will stop talking fluff and jump in.
9) No one should be worried about getting serious. Most of the fluff is going on because no other topic has been presented.
10) If the room does not respond to a change of topics, I will sometimes move to the treehouse and invite the people who were involved to join me.
11) I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN TYPE OR SPELL WELL. AS LONG AS YOU GET THE POINT ACROSS, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
12) I type with two fingers, so I am sometimes slower than the rest of the room, but I still participate.
13) I love to be asked to give my opinion, so if someone wants to PM me or invite me to another room, I feel honored.
14) The chatroom takes a little getting used to, but once you get involved, I think you will enjoy and benefit from participating.
15) The trick to the chatroom, is to just start talking! I think you'll find that once you start, the more involved you will get.

Wow... I think I should stop talking now.

Just some thoughts.

Scoutvictim (Carl Hart on chat)

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#182292 - 09/25/07 01:11 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Scoutvictim]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I think I have another two cents to add as well.

Part of what got me to start trusting people in the chat room was the small-talk that sometimes goes on. It's all part of being social, and I like to get to know the guys and gals I'm sharing my innermost secrets with.

I, too, have been frustrated in the past when a serious issue presents itself and it takes a few moments for everyone to realize that the topic of discussion has shifted. However, on the other hand, I've found myself guilty of the same thing....

I can't be serious all the time, but I will be serious if you ask me to be.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#182334 - 09/25/07 07:03 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: VN]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
VN
If you need to talk and see me in the chat room please do not hesitate to PM me.
I understand perfectly what you say about coming in to the chat room when people are engaged in trival matters.
But if you need to talk please. I am here, as are others.
I hope you are feeling better,
Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#182365 - 09/25/07 09:23 PM Re: Question about chatroom *DELETED* [Re: rcm]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




Top
#182378 - 09/25/07 09:53 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: nicky]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, thank you, but I never said I feel I can not come in there. What I have difficulty of is to ask for time to talk, to tell people I need help. That is mine own problem, no one elses. I am not saying that anyone else is responsible for how I act or feel at all, in chat room or in general.

But I do continue to think that to not acknowledge new people as they come in is rather rude. Sometime, as Rich say, it is hard even to come in there. To come in and be ignored, it is not a pleasant feeling. And I am sure it is something that have happened to many people here at some time or another.

VN


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#182672 - 09/27/07 08:09 AM Re: Question about chatroom *DELETED* [Re: ak]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


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#182715 - 09/27/07 09:49 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: krayoss]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Kraycoss,

You explained things so well, the way chat used to be, when it was beneficial to us all. The way caht is now, I may as well go into AOL chatroom.


Top
#182977 - 09/27/07 09:03 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
prehaps we could call it , the screaming room

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

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#183054 - 09/28/07 04:41 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: rcm]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
To all concerned,

This whole chatroom discusion has created another thread, that seems to offer solutions, instead of just complaints.

Check out:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=182912&page=1#Post182912

Please add any thoughts you may have to solve the issue.

Thanks,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#183163 - 09/28/07 01:15 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Scoutvictim]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 691
The other thread has been removed, and the administration is aware of your complaints and requests. Please be patient. The administration will respond when time permits.

_________________________
Private messages sent to this account are checked irregularly due to personnel and time constraints. Please send messages to one of the moderators for the forum that is concerned by user name, or if there is no named moderator, send a PM to any moderator.

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#183409 - 09/29/07 02:56 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 691
Due to member requests, the administrators have created a permanent room titled SURVIVOR SUPPORT. We hope you use it to its full potential as a tool to help focus on and aid your recovery.

Dewey2k for The ModTeam

_________________________
Private messages sent to this account are checked irregularly due to personnel and time constraints. Please send messages to one of the moderators for the forum that is concerned by user name, or if there is no named moderator, send a PM to any moderator.

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#183421 - 09/29/07 03:17 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ModTeam]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
ModTeam,

I want you to accept my thanks! Thank you very much for this!!

This will be a big help to those of us who want to talk about survivor issues, but more importantly, I hope it helps the new guys that have need to come to this site.

Thanks Again!


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#183463 - 09/29/07 07:25 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: krayoss]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Originally Posted By: krayoss
So along came the idea to form 'Healing Circles' whcih at first glance, appeared to me to be a 'clique', closed group(s)which then, seeking perfection (as we are prone to do) initiated all kinds of heavy-duty rules and etiquite and times and protocol and layers upon layers of things you had to be aware of instead of just the freedom of sharing what was on your mind or coming to chat with people who have been through what you have


I never saw that you wanted to be a part of any of the healing circles that have been started since last April. I don't think you have a very good idea of what goes on in the Healing Circles.

You are very free to say and share whats on your mind and pressing againest your heart. The only things that you have to do is not talk over each other, you just have to wait your turn to speak. You should give it a try the next time a Healing Circle is formed.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#183465 - 09/29/07 07:47 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Muldoon]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
if you go to this new room and nobody follows how will that be any different than being ignored on the main ?i mean it will be te same people you say wont be serious that have to choose to go there for you or not ,right? so if anybody follows then that just proves we really didnt need the room after all

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its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#183474 - 09/29/07 08:44 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

That question (along with many others) is why the matter required some time to figure out what seemed to us to be the best way forward.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#183475 - 09/29/07 08:56 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: roadrunner]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
this whole topic makes my head hurt. can someone please grow some balls and just say "MS is how is it because that's just how it is." thats what we are all really saying. you guys dont realize that WE make up the site. so its a person problem not a system problem. we cant change the people who use the site.


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#183492 - 09/29/07 11:19 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Jarrad]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jarrd I have been here over 5 years and I have seen great changes on this site. I think that there is plenty of caring guys that are here to give and get help.

Lets all come together to grow stronger, so we can help all the new guys coming here through the many years ahead.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#183493 - 09/29/07 11:22 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Muldoon]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Adam I truly beleieve that there will be people here to help others in need. I never go to chat because I don't find it usefull. I will love to have this place to go to at 2am CDT when I get home from work.

This room is going to be an excellent tool for healing.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#183499 - 09/29/07 11:56 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Muldoon]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
muldoon, i didnt say there werent caring guys here. im saying that if people have problems with the site then they have problems with the people. because the site is just a empty thing without people


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#183564 - 09/30/07 02:39 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Jarrad]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Jarrad,

There are different types of people here with different personalities, and needs. At times they just need someone to chat with, nothing heavy, just everyday chat.

Likewise, there are times when guys need to chat about their SA issues. They only come to chat in order to have serious discussions.

My point has been, and maybe I am wrong, but if a new person comes into the chatroom for the first time and all he sees is 10 people talking about their weekends and what they are wearing, etc, he may feel, "What the hell? I can get this type of chat in any AOL chatroom. Where is the help?"

THAT is how I perceive it. I would never have come back to MS if I didn't think it was legit, and took my SA issuses seriously. This is just MY opinion. I have used this new room already and it was great! We had a great discussion about some pretty heavy SA issues.

Do I have problems with the people here? No! I just don't like being ignored or having to cut in on an ongoing discussion about some guys underwear preferences. I really don't give a damn if they wear underewear at all! I come into chat to try to discuss my SA issues and to listen to others' issues.

I also don't think this has a damn thing to do with growing some balls. I have a set already, thank you.

If the room isn't used, then delete it. I don't think it is a difficult thing to try out for a while.


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#183571 - 09/30/07 03:54 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: shadowkid
if you go to this new room and nobody follows how will that be any different than being ignored on the main ?i mean it will be te same people you say wont be serious that have to choose to go there for you or not ,right? so if anybody follows then that just proves we really didnt need the room after all


It happened today. I went there in black-tar depression and needing to talk to someone....stayed for 20+ minutes...no one from the main lounge came up. But last night two people did follow me there. So...who knows if this will work.

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#183574 - 09/30/07 04:07 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Still]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i dont follow for i think i am imposing on someone


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#183629 - 09/30/07 08:37 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: sabata]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Steve, what I usual do if I see a person in a room by themself, is to send a PM to ask if they are ok, if they want to talk. If they say they are ok, they just are taking a break or such, then I do not go in there. If they do want to talk, I do go in there. It is their choice, and I think most people would appreciate just that someone notice them and ask if they are all right.

andrei


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#183631 - 09/30/07 08:41 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: ak]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks-----------andrei----------------for the advise---i never thought of that0000000000000steve


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#183770 - 10/01/07 04:10 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Guys,

We put up the new room right away because there was such vocal support for it and it seemed clearly to be a good idea. There is still a lot to work out, including mod support, which we are trying to organize on the basis of available resources.

Please assume that if you go into the Support Room you are going in there to talk about serious abuse issues with your brothers - not why every NCAA football team except Penn State sucks. ;\) Others will follow you in there for the same purpose and you can't expect privacy - that's not what the room is about. The discussion may get heavy and triggery, but hey....

We want this room to be a success, so don't hesitate to call on whatever mod support you see around in other rooms if you need it. I was in Circle last night, but I still P2Ped to Rich to check on how things were going in the Support Room. That's a priority for us.

If you have any suggestions or concerns please PM a mod and let us know. We have already benefited a lot from comments some of you have offered.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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