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#182221 - 09/25/07 02:04 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
I keep thinking about going into the chat room but I can't spell or type worth a crap and believe it or not the only chat that I have done is to family and friends on Google chat. I keep thinking of going in and just being a fly on the wall to see if I think it is something I can keep up with and I'm comfortable with but I understand that some take it as being rude if you don't say anything so I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe one day I might try if I can get over being embarrassed of how bad my chicken pecking is.

Brokensoul


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#182225 - 09/25/07 02:32 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: shadowkid]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Raul, the healing circles are a planned group meeting, of same people every week, in a locked room from the chat room. It is like organized chat, but there is not the distruptions of people coming and going and changing of subjects all the time. There are three or four of them right now, and the person you can contact to ask of it is 'Muldoon'. He is the one who start them, and he could answer better the questions you have about it, and to know which groups are smaller and able to take in new members right now.

And speaking for myself, it is difficult to come into chat and have no one even acknowledge you are there. I have very hard time to ask for help or for people to listen to me please, and when I do that, it is usually because I am at the 'end of the rope'. When you are feeling already down at yourself, and others in there are joking around and having a good conversation with each other and not even saying hello to new people coming in, that can be very intimidating to trying to say 'hello, I need help please'. Just my opinion of it. To come in and tell people to 'shut the f*** up and listen to me' is something that is not at all in my character, and I doubt ever it would be. I do not find that a bad thing.

VN


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#182274 - 09/25/07 11:10 AM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: VN]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
We discussed adding more permanent chat rooms for a week or so and came to the decision that we would not be adding them for the following reasons:
  • Additional rooms can be created as needed by the users
  • A desire to keep the number of permanent rooms to a minimum
  • Creating a room or asking for help (finding our voice) is positive action toward recovery, and is something survivors need to practice in general

While the last reason may not seem like an issue in terms of using the chat room, it is actually extremely important. Something as simple as creating our own room to discuss an issue that is important to us, or interrupting the usual banter in the Lounge and asking to discuss something difficult is another step toward reclaiming the voice that was taken from us when we were abused. Taking action to reclaim that voice in a supportive environment makes it easier to learn to do this in an environment that isn't so safe and supportive. It's an important lesson to learn.

If anyone would like to discuss this further, please feel free to PM me.

Thanks,
D2K for The ModTeam


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#182280 - 09/25/07 12:01 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Dewey2k]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Dewey,

I, for one am the shy sort. I can certainly remember when I first came to MS. There is NO WAY I would have cut into the conversations of guys I didn't know from Adam, and asked to be heard, or "find my own voice."

I'm sorry, I must be missing something of the "supportive environment" in the chatroom these days. Several nights ago I was in there and the list showed at least 8 people there. I said, "Hi," got no response, then asked, "Is anyone still here?" and got two people to respond, "Yes". After a few seconds, they checked out of the room. The rest of the people were in subrooms or PMing each other.

Two nights ago, there was a list of about 6-8 peope in there. One other survivor and I were talking, and a new member of MS came in to check out the chatroom. The two of us were the only ones in there to even talk to him. He even asked where everyone else was.

Several times I have come to chat recently and the topic has been what color thong they are wearing. This is a supportive environment? Bullshit!

Chat used to be different and serious without having to be the odd one out wanting to have frank discussions about SA, or having to create a subroom (when in fact it took all of your courage just to enter the chatroom). Doesn't matter, after 3 yrs, I have had the help I need to better deal with my SA issues, and it's all about me anyway. I just hope the new guys get the same opportunity.


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#182290 - 09/25/07 01:06 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: FLRich]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Just some thoughts, from a relatively new guy here. (who's not shy and can talk till the cows come home)

1) I use the chatroom to connect with other people.
2) Sometimes I'm in a light hearted mood, but other times I want to be serious.
3) I try to acknowledge new arrivals, but sometimes I am typing and it may take a few minutes.
4) I will do all I can to keep people talking.
5) When the conversation stalls, I will try different topics until people get involved.
6) Sometimes these topics will be light hearted, but if a serious topic comes up, I will happily go with it.
7) I was welcomed with open arms, when I first started chatting, and I try to return that favor.
8) I think everyone should keep in mind, we are here to share and help. To that end, if someone comes in and wants to talk about an issue, we should respect that. I will stop talking fluff and jump in.
9) No one should be worried about getting serious. Most of the fluff is going on because no other topic has been presented.
10) If the room does not respond to a change of topics, I will sometimes move to the treehouse and invite the people who were involved to join me.
11) I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN TYPE OR SPELL WELL. AS LONG AS YOU GET THE POINT ACROSS, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
12) I type with two fingers, so I am sometimes slower than the rest of the room, but I still participate.
13) I love to be asked to give my opinion, so if someone wants to PM me or invite me to another room, I feel honored.
14) The chatroom takes a little getting used to, but once you get involved, I think you will enjoy and benefit from participating.
15) The trick to the chatroom, is to just start talking! I think you'll find that once you start, the more involved you will get.

Wow... I think I should stop talking now.

Just some thoughts.

Scoutvictim (Carl Hart on chat)

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#182292 - 09/25/07 01:11 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: Scoutvictim]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I think I have another two cents to add as well.

Part of what got me to start trusting people in the chat room was the small-talk that sometimes goes on. It's all part of being social, and I like to get to know the guys and gals I'm sharing my innermost secrets with.

I, too, have been frustrated in the past when a serious issue presents itself and it takes a few moments for everyone to realize that the topic of discussion has shifted. However, on the other hand, I've found myself guilty of the same thing....

I can't be serious all the time, but I will be serious if you ask me to be.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#182334 - 09/25/07 07:03 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: VN]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
VN
If you need to talk and see me in the chat room please do not hesitate to PM me.
I understand perfectly what you say about coming in to the chat room when people are engaged in trival matters.
But if you need to talk please. I am here, as are others.
I hope you are feeling better,
Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#182365 - 09/25/07 09:23 PM Re: Question about chatroom *DELETED* [Re: rcm]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#182378 - 09/25/07 09:53 PM Re: Question about chatroom [Re: nicky]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, thank you, but I never said I feel I can not come in there. What I have difficulty of is to ask for time to talk, to tell people I need help. That is mine own problem, no one elses. I am not saying that anyone else is responsible for how I act or feel at all, in chat room or in general.

But I do continue to think that to not acknowledge new people as they come in is rather rude. Sometime, as Rich say, it is hard even to come in there. To come in and be ignored, it is not a pleasant feeling. And I am sure it is something that have happened to many people here at some time or another.

VN


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#182672 - 09/27/07 08:09 AM Re: Question about chatroom *DELETED* [Re: ak]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


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