terror or humiliation - triggers? - The MS Discussion Board

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#179683 - 09/11/07 02:27 PM terror or humiliation - triggers?
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	i hate this. partial memory - i can see only a glimpse. i know i'm being held down. i know my brother's there and everyone's laughing at me. and i know my clothes are being removed. but to get any closer and i am filled with terror all over again. i am actually getting out of my chair as if to run away. i've tried staying calm, talking to myself, and to Young Mark with reassurance. two emotions are rampant during this. terror and humiliation. and both are off the scale. but if i try to "look" any closer, suddenly it's like the memory isn't there. fogged over. complete disassociation i know. and i know this means Young Mark isn't ready to go there yet. but why then does this partial memory keep surfacing? why am i plagued with something my own mind refuses to admit??? i hate this.
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#179878 - 09/12/07 01:47 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	i really do hate this gah i need a word stronger than 'hate'
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#179885 - 09/12/07 02:27 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: MarkK]
FormerTexan Site Administrator MaleSurvivor Registered: 09/12/04 Posts: 9970 Loc: Denver, CO	Despise, abhor, loathe...? _________________________ Money talks ... but all it tells me is 'goodbye.'
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#179888 - 09/12/07 02:52 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: FormerTexan]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	Thanx, Andy. I think part of the reason I can't find a single word is so much of this emotion is a boiling rage just seething under that hate. I just know I'm tired. M
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#179893 - 09/12/07 03:30 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: MarkK]
Mike Church Moderator Emeritus MaleSurvivor Registered: 01/23/03 Posts: 3439 Loc: Toronto, Canada	Mark make sure that the boiling rage is directed where it belongs and not inwards as we so often do. _________________________ Mikey IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.
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#179894 - 09/12/07 03:32 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: Mike Church]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	i don't know where else to point it! i'm the one remembering JUST ENOUGH to bring the anxiety and panic i'm the one who won't remember WHO $\:\($
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#179895 - 09/12/07 03:41 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	yanno what i don't think it matters anyway sorry
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#179896 - 09/12/07 03:55 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: MarkK]
Mike Church Moderator Emeritus MaleSurvivor Registered: 01/23/03 Posts: 3439 Loc: Toronto, Canada	Mark it really does matter. Can I make a suggestion?? _________________________ Mikey IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.
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#179897 - 09/12/07 03:59 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: Mike Church]
Mike Church Moderator Emeritus MaleSurvivor Registered: 01/23/03 Posts: 3439 Loc: Toronto, Canada	I have suggested this to others and it seems to help. but you need some help to do it. Get a baseball bat, preferably aluminum and some heavy gloves. Take it and a friend you trust into the bush someplace. Pick a nice big tree and start whacking it with the baseball bat. I know it will feel stupid at first but the anger will come with each swing. Just maybe you will get a breakthrough. the reason for the friend is to let anyone else who happens along know that you are not some sort of crazy bat murderer. The tree will understand. I did this once and it helped me a whole lot. _________________________ Mikey IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.
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#179950 - 09/12/07 10:11 PM Re: terror or humiliation - triggers? [Re: Mike Church]
MarkK Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 04/02/07 Posts: 2472 Loc: Denver, CO	had a therapist do the foam bat - pillow - type thing. i couldn't swing it once. he also tried to get me to yell or scream - also couldn't do it. the trees here are safe m
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