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#179871 - 09/12/07 01:37 PM Healing Circle for Family and Friends
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
I have been asked about the possiblity of starting a Healing Circle for those that are Family and Friend. We now have 4 Healing Circles going that are helping the guys deal with their issues in a whole new way.

The Healing Circles are a very simple concept. It is real time peer support over the internet. We meet the same time each week in a private chat room. Below is some info that is for the guys but it will give you some info on what this is all about. Some of you may have partner who are in a circle so you have a good idea about how it works and can share with the others.

I will help get it started but it would be your circle and you will need one or two persons to be the facilitator for the meetings. I think that it will be a great tool for understand our issues and support of each other.

If you would like to be part of this Healing Circle please reply here or PM me if you have any ????. Thanks, looking forward to helping you get your own Healing Circle going.

Tom



What are Healing Circles

A Healing Circle is a peer support group over the internet. Peer support groups can be a very powerful tool in the healing process. None of us is a trained therapist. We are simply survivors coming together to share our feelings. Therefore, we all take responsibility for making the meetings as safe and supportive as possible.


How it Works

We use the chat room format with a few changes. One of the members of the group is the facilitator who directs the meeting. Only one person is speaking at a time. It's a therapy type chat setup where each member can ask for time to discuss their issues and receive feedback from others. Much care is taken to avoid people being triggered. In order to have a open and truthful discussion of the issues, once formed groups will be closed meetings. The circles are a chance to get a little closer to the guys who meet with you every week ,it's comfortable, after a few meetings you get to know what to expect and what each persons needs and strengths are .
Many of us didn't really know what to expect from a group setting so possibly some guys are hesitant to join. Please read more so you understand what the Healing Circles are about



Why it Works

The Healing Circles are valuable resource for everyone. We all get an opportunity in the circle that many of us don't get in the outside world - the chance to share something that is pressing against our hearts, and to get some realtime feedback from people who at some level or another understand and feel that pain or concern. In turn, we all get an opportunity to help someone who is hurting and needs our support. That to me is what helps make this community a good one.



If you want to join us Please reply in this post or send Muldoon a PM



Below is some more information


Our Mission Statement.

We understand that the road is easier when not traveled alone and therefore the purpose of this circle is to provide a place of safety for men who as children or in adulthood have been victims of sexual abuse and or assault. Here, one can express his thoughts, fears, joys, or anger and know that his voice will be heard by others who will understand and validate him as a human being. Here, the focus is not so much on the past as it is on healing. Naturally the past and its abuse will come up from time to time but the purpose is to find a way through it to the healing that awaits on the other side. We will look at our journeys to see where we are on the road to healing and discuss things that work for us as well as things that do not. We will learn from the mistakes and successes of others and thus promote healing in our own lives.


Choice

If there is one thing that I have learned in my life it is that I have a problem. It is not my fault but the fact still remains; I have a problem. I did not choose to be sexually abused. The pedophile chose to abuse me. He did not ask my permission; he took what he wanted, leaving me wounded, confused and in pain.

So now it is my turn to choose. I can choose to stay here where I am and feel sorry for myself and try to convince or manipulate others to feel sorry for me too, after all, donít I deserve it. Or I can choose to seek heeling for my wounds. I can reclaim that which was taken from me. I can seek answers and relief from my pain.

Itís not my fault, but it is my problem. What I do about it is my choice. If like me, you are tired of being a victim, I encourage you to make a choice to heal, I invite you to join us here in The Healing Circle. Together we will travel a road that is not familiar to any of us but common to us all. We will support each other and lend a helping hand along the way.

This is not an easy road we travel and is not for the faint of heart but if you are serious about becoming a victor instead of a victim, by all means, join us. We are not super human nor do we claim to have all the answers. We are just a bunch of ordinary guys who want to use all the tools available to become the men we were created to be



_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#179873 - 09/12/07 01:55 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
I would love to join if I may.

Lorie


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#179883 - 09/12/07 03:17 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: healingpartner]
Wife Supporter Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 23
Loc: UK
me too, please


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#179898 - 09/12/07 05:00 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Wife Supporter]
selene Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
... same here ... also, i would like to volunteer to facilitate and hope someone else will volunteer for that as well ...

selene

_________________________
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

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#179901 - 09/12/07 05:25 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: selene]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Selene

Thanks for volunteering to be the facilitor. It does make the job easier if there is a team of leaders, than you can take turns. Also thanks for asking me to get this started.

Once we see how many people want to be part of it than you should see what Day and time works best for you. The meetings run 2 hours long. Also you will have people from all over in different time zones, it can be hard to find a good time for all.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#179903 - 09/12/07 05:38 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
I'd like to join definately. Great idea.



Beccy


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#179907 - 09/12/07 06:19 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: beccy]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
I would like to be part of the group as well.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#179916 - 09/12/07 07:08 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: violet]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
cool------------one big happy family


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#179933 - 09/12/07 08:00 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: sabata]
selene Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
exactly steve \:\)

_________________________
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

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#179946 - 09/12/07 09:53 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: selene]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
While I would love to join, I feel that I'm in a totally different spot than everyone else. My husband and I are seperated for one and he is not only not working on recovering, he is still in complete denial - about many things.

I find it hard at times to relate to all of you wonderful women - I think I'm better at this point putting my 2 cents in to everyone else's struggles than relating to dealing with a partner that is working on his issues.

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#179957 - 09/12/07 11:22 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: savemyfam]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
The Healing Circles are here to share what you want to when you want to. No one pushes you to say a word. It may help just to listen to others and that is good.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#179987 - 09/13/07 08:49 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: savemyfam]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
I would probably benefit from joining as well. What an awesome idea!

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#180028 - 09/13/07 11:50 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
I'd like to give it a go...

Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#180104 - 09/13/07 04:20 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Agape Girl]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11179
Loc: Denver, CO
Anyone who would be willing to facilitate, I will be happy to help train on facilitation particulars, guidelines, etc.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#180115 - 09/13/07 05:48 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: FormerTexan]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Thanks Andy

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180116 - 09/13/07 05:51 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11179
Loc: Denver, CO
Please send me a PM if you are interested in facilitating. We can set up a date and time to go to the chat if you like, and go over details. I will be leaving town tonight, but will be back late Sunday evening.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#180134 - 09/13/07 07:37 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: FormerTexan]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Andy Have A real Great healing experense this week end in the Mountains of Alta. I can only tell you that the Weekend of Recovery at Alta changed my life in so many positive way.

I am going to leave this post up for another week. We already have one gal who said she would take the lead but hopefully someone else with help out. I know it works well to have a team for our Wed Healing Circle.

Have a great weekend, Talk next week

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180148 - 09/13/07 08:38 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
healingpartner Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/04/07
Posts: 407
I might be able to help depending on the night. Kids activities are picking up, and rob is in 2 groups. So put me down as a solid maybe for helping facilitate...lol

Lorie


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#180149 - 09/13/07 08:50 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: healingpartner]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Lorie finding a good time may be the trick. I will send out a group PM next week and we can begin to talk about what time works best for all. Sure we can come up with one.

Thanks for taken a leadership role. It is cool that both of you already have a partner in a Healing Circle. You can gain a little insite from them.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180699 - 09/16/07 11:40 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
selene Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
... that's great that so many are interested \:\) ... and thanks tom for getting this all set up ... lorie, that would be great if you helped facilitate ... i've volunteered, too ... maybe we could work as a team ...

_________________________
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

Top
#180706 - 09/17/07 01:43 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: selene]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
I am very excited about the Healing possibilities the circle can bring to the partners here. You gals have so many questions that need to be ansewered.

I have been totally overcome by feeling this week with the birth of my grandson Sage. He makes me know that I have to continue to work to change the world so he and others of his generation will never have to go through what we have. I feel so lucky to still have my wife at my side during this time of my life.

It saddens me greatly to think that there are so many other guys who no longer have wifes at theirs side. The effects that the SA has on our partners can be overwellming at times and in the past there hasn't been the help. I hope that we can team up once a month with you gals in a joint Circle. Sure I can get some of the guys to join to have a round table discussion on topics you think are important.

There is still room for more partners in this circle, hope that a few more of you step up to take advanage of this opertunity.

Tom



Edited by Muldoon (09/17/07 09:53 AM)
_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180714 - 09/17/07 02:54 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
The Greatest Act of LOVE

made a new post of my reply

Tom



Edited by Muldoon (09/17/07 09:43 AM)
_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180718 - 09/17/07 07:33 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Tom,

"There is still room for more gals in this circle, hope that a few more of you step up to take advanage of this opertunity."

What about those of us who don't have gals as partners??? Are our "guys" welcomed too?? Would the ladies have an issue with that?

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#180727 - 09/17/07 09:07 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: pain4ever]
Wife Supporter Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 23
Loc: UK
No issue for me
WS


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#180745 - 09/17/07 10:00 AM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Wife Supporter]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Brian sorry about my narrow thinking on this. Only gals had signed up.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#180783 - 09/17/07 12:51 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Muldoon]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11179
Loc: Denver, CO
I thought of this while I was driving back from Utah yesterday. It occurred to me that the concept of "Family and Friends" indeed encompasses both genders. Focusing on issues resulting from F&F discussions in real-time I believe will benefit both genders who are on the F&F side of their relationship.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#180786 - 09/17/07 01:24 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: FormerTexan]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I just want to make sure none of the Ladies who are here would be uncomfortable with it. My partner could use some support and I think it might do him some good but i didnt know how the ladies would react to it?

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#180797 - 09/17/07 02:32 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: pain4ever]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11179
Loc: Denver, CO
Well, ladies, it sounds like pian4ever might be looking for some feedback on this. Would anyone like to add their thoughts? We have heard from Wife Supporter. Don't be shy all. \:\)

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#180820 - 09/17/07 05:15 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: FormerTexan]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
I believe having the partners of male survivor's on board would be of great benefit. The more perspectives and experiences that we share, the greater the potential we all have to learn from one another, support and find the best direction for a better quality of life.

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#181121 - 09/18/07 10:14 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
No problem here at all, in fact placed this post on the counter hoping my bf would take a peek, guess it's still to early. I would benefit from us sitting here in the circle together, but I guess it's just me for now.

I know SOMEDAY, we can though

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

Top
#181130 - 09/18/07 11:28 PM Re: Healing Circle for Family and Friends [Re: Agape Girl]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I would like to join this...not sure if I can make every session but would like to be included just in case...

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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