I know it is very very hard, but try to be patient with yourself. I see it is monumental that you have begun to STRIVE for better for yourself in this life. That is the first step towards change. That you have taken yourself to a T shows you are ready. Now is the REALLY FRUSTRATING part where you start to observe all these things about yourself which you feel powerless to change, but it's all part of the process. You WILL get to a place of a greater feeling of centred self-empowerment, self esteme and self-worth.
In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself on a journey which is oh so exhausting. Everytime you observe these things, just give them a little time to just 'be' and trust that you will find your way,