why cant i do what i want to do and say what i want to say without them controling me!
i do what im suposed to do STILL
i have so much fear inside and i have no idea how to turn it off or even to find out whats making it hapen and all i do is hurt poeple becuase of it which hurts me because i care so much :-(
im not a bad person am i
please
im trying to get help
im seeing a therpist for god sake!
i said i would never do that
i hope he can help :-(
please

Nicky,

I know it is very very hard, but try to be patient with yourself. I see it is monumental that you have begun to STRIVE for better for yourself in this life. That is the first step towards change. That you have taken yourself to a T shows you are ready. Now is the REALLY FRUSTRATING part where you start to observe all these things about yourself which you feel powerless to change, but it's all part of the process. You WILL get to a place of a greater feeling of centred self-empowerment, self esteme and self-worth.

In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself on a journey which is oh so exhausting. Everytime you observe these things, just give them a little time to just 'be' and trust that you will find your way,


peace
Beccy