why is everything so hard?
why is nothing clear?
why does it seem everything falls apart regularly?
why does nothing make sense?
why do I believe nothing?
why do I need this wall?

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH?

Lorie,

Sounds like something a survivor would ask....you are just surviving something other than CSA...the emotional after effects of being a wife of a survivor.

I feel you...I really do.

Hold on Babe...you are strong enough to!
Brian

Brian...

I think I am trying to survive CSA...just the ripple effects not the direct. I know it is not the same and I would never compare my pain to a survivor. But it has cut me, my family and all I have ever known to be true.

Bad day...cloudy rainy...rob on the road for the first time.

why .its a three letter word but the answers could fill a dictonary.

Lorie,

Hold on Babe...I dont know what its like from the other side but I think the after effects are worse than the abuse...to me anyways. You have been dealing with it for a long time...silenced in your pain.....I guess thats it really...you have been too quiet for too long.

Its a sad day all around 9\11 and all. I think this day effects more then people know.


I know your tough enough Babe!! Tougher than I am, I know that for certain!

Brian

Just wanted you to know that yesterday I had a 1st day too.

There's that old life we had 3 months ago, OLD behavior that brought us to where we are today. He's been great in helping me with trust again. He opened up his world (so to speak for me). But yesterday was the first day doing the OLD routine, minus the old behavior. It took me a little to swallow and allow it to happen. I did tell him that it would be a test for me, it was a little hard, more uncomfortable than anything. But I made it and with his help and compassion and definitely understanding my anxiety.

Guess it was his turn to fill my cup. Hang in there and if it's too much wave your arms for a little help, either here or to your partner or BOTH.

YOU CAN TOO, hold tight, treat yourself with gentleness today. Count the minutes you make it through, if you have to. It's all fair game.

Peace!
Kelly

LORIE

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD.
BECAUSE YOU CARE AND ARE A GOOD PERSON

WHY IS NOTHING CLEAR
WHAT IS CLEAR IS YOU HAVE MANY FRIENDS HERE

WHY DOES IT SEEM THAT EVERYTHING FALLS APART REGULARL
BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN, WHEN WE FALL APART YOU PICK US UP, WHEN YOU FALL WE ALL PICK YOU UP

WHY DOES NOTHING MAKE SENSE
OUR FRIENDSHIP MAKES CRYSTAL SENSE

WHY DO I BELIEVE NOTHING
I BELIEVE IN YOU MY FRIEND

WHY DO I NEED THIS WALL
WHAT WALL WE ALL SEE YOU FRIEND.

lORIE
I came here with nounderstanding what a friend was, let alone have any.
Then i posted and one of the many that answered was you. You have senserity in your voice and a deep concern for all us broken boys.
I now have feelings, ive never felt since i was a kid, all was grey to me.
How did i get these feelings, it was because of you, you called me friend and helped me.
How did i find my many voices, you showed me how to speak, you showed me how to shout.

I have zoned out on you, i have split on you, i have vented and taken up your time. You have listened and coached me back everytime to the real world.

you have listened, now im listening for the voice of my friend. Whisper i hear, shout i hear, i your friend am listening.

Backspin

Backspin....

That is possibly the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.

THANK YOU! for so much, but most of all for risking it to be my friend.

Your response helps me to see the why of it all...those are the good things that come from this. This is how the abusers can never win. Together we can do anything.

Thanks for reminding me, my dear friend.

Lorie