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#179813 - 09/12/07 10:26 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: MarkK]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
mark, im not saying it wrong. im just questioning it because i dont understand. i think you need to do what is right for you. i just would hope to have the opperuntity to get you know you better, and i feel i can't because the smaller rooms are made. thats all.


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#179815 - 09/12/07 10:28 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: MarkK]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
The chat room is primarily there to help survivors work on their issues and further their healing.

The remainder of this post is written in my private capacity as a survivor, not as a moderator.

I have been in the chat room when someone has come into the lounge, attempted to discuss a serious topic, and was completely ignored.

I have been in the chat room when a member new to the room has come in, and watched that new member be told that he doesn't belong in the room because his abuse was not "good enough" to qualify as a survivor in certain peoples' view.

I have been in the chat room when people use their biases to abuse others and then go on to claim it was their "right" to do so in the name of free speech. I've seen people deliberately do so in order to trigger others, and I've seen it happen on all sides of any issue you care to name.

I have also come into a chat room having an immediate need to discuss an issue, and had the Lounge stop the conversation they were engaged in to listen to me and give feedback. Another time I was ridiculed and my pleas were not taken seriously.

There are people I avoid in the chat room because I find their personalities to clash with what I need out of the room when I am in crisis mode, or their attitudes are not helpful at that point in time.

The chat room is a mixed bag. You have to take what you get as far as the main lounge goes, but I think we should all be sensitive to each others' needs. At the same time, we all need to learn to protect ourselves when we find ourselves in a triggering situation. We need to learn to put ourselves first, and if that means creating a room where one can speak with a person that knows them well privately, then that is what it means.

The flip side of this is that everyone needs to realize that other people do what they do because they feel the need to do it. Rarely are we in a position to really cause someone to do something. If someone leaves the room when you come in, it is usually because they were going to leave anyway and you happen to come in at that time. If someone creates a private room, it is usually because they have the need to have a private discussion without the distractions of the main lounge.

If one really feels that people are leaving when they come into the chat room, then perhaps one should stop and examine why that is so, and then make changes to the way one does things, or not.

The chat room is there for all of us to use as a tool. We need to use it wisely while taking care of ourselves. Some people are not suited to the chat room, but that is a judgment for them to make, not the rest of us.

We're all survivors here. As such, we should work together to help each other recover from the terrible things that have happened to us, and not use our diverse traits to drive a wedge between us.


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#179816 - 09/12/07 10:29 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Jarrad, i may have expressed myself poorly - if you thought i was reacting to a perceived attack, i wasn't. and i hope you never stop questioning what you don't understand.

i hope to get to know you (and several others) better as well. i don't want to offend anyone when i leave the main chat, but at the same time i want people to accept sometimes i need to get away from the "crowd".

i appreciate your openness and honesty, Jarrad.

M


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#179819 - 09/12/07 10:38 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Not isolating really Jarrad....just not opening up the most personal part of my abuse with everyone i meet...It's about trust. I know the people I can trust and I wont arbitrarily open up to any joe bloe in the chat room.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#179823 - 09/12/07 10:48 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: pain4ever]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11025
Loc: Denver, CO
P4E,

I agree. There's some things I'm more comfortable sharing one-to-one than I am in a group of people where I risk hearing people minimize my feelings on the matter, or run rough-shod over it, or whatever. Or, maybe I am needed in the capacity of being a sole listener at a given moment. A 2-person chat room is perfect for these.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#179825 - 09/12/07 10:53 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: FormerTexan]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Not only that....but has anyone fell prey to the posers in chat who are simply not a survivor but a reporter or a perp. I have never fallen victim but i have helped catch them...

The last thing I want is to reinforce my trust issues by opening up to some perv who wants to get off on our stories and issues....ya know?

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#179829 - 09/12/07 11:04 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: pain4ever]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I wanted to add that like Trusty, I am uncomfortable when there are a lot of users in the chat room... not because of OCD, but because I'm so damn old. Chat is a new forum for me, and I am always one step behind... trying to figure out who is talking, what the acronyms mean, trying to type and read at the same time. So until I get a little more facility with the process, I bail if there are more than a few people in there.

I sometime use the other rooms as sort of an IM - PM's can be a little cumbersome if you are both on at the same time... but I go to bed so early, I rarely go to chat anyway... It's usually empty when I'm on.... all you night owls!!!!

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#179830 - 09/12/07 11:06 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: dannym]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: dannym
because I'm so damn old


you know, you could have gone ALL WEEK without having to bring age into this ...

**searches for his cane**


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#179837 - 09/12/07 11:37 AM Re: chat rooms [Re: MarkK]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I make it a point to be quiet for a few minutes after entering the chat room, and then I politely ask "Is there any current topic?" if there isn't much talking going on.

Or......if no one is talking.........I'll ask "May I suggest a topic?"

Dewey? I've NEVER seen that kind of behavior in the chat room. People being marginalized and there abuse histories being dismissed as "trivial" or whatever? Wow. I wish I was there at that time I would have had a thing or two to say to them!


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#179923 - 09/12/07 07:32 PM Re: chat rooms [Re: FLRich]
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
As one of the "old" guys, I've not become comfortable in the chat room, though I've only been there once.

This applies to ANY chat rooms, anywhere.

Maybe it's just that I don't type that fast, and things seem to move more quickly than I can keep up with. Maybe I just need more practice?

The one time I was there, I felt soooooooo much older than the other guys there. Not only that, but if a person has not been there before, I know for me, it feels like I'm somewhere that I don't really fit in, or belong.

It is not anything anyone there has said or done, just the way it feels.

Best wishes and warmest regards,
Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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