Rich
It was not my intention to offend any member, old or young. I just was expressing my option. I also wish I had a place where I could go to get help and information when I was young. My concern lies in the monitoring of what is said. Are parents aware that their children are on this site? In some cases I am sure that they are not or cannot because they are the offenders themselves. I know that chat is monitored, but once something is said it can’t be taken back. I once spoke with a member who was under 18 and was asking questions and carrying on a conversation that I believe was appropriate. However I soon received a message that warned that I needed to be aware when speaking with minors on the site. After this message I took some time to think about it and agreed with the monitor who wrote me. I do not want to say something that could be taken as inappropriate for a minor. I do not want a minor to assume my trauma via a self projection of my victimization. Or add to their distress.
I have been a police officer in the civilian world and in the army and have dealt with predators and I regret to say that the chat room is an ideal location for them to groom a minor. I was offended when I received the message from the monitor because I believed that he was accusing me of being one of those people. After thinking about it and reviewing the conversation I understand that that was not the case, but it did make me concerned about what I should or should not say. I even got to the point where I was asking if anyone was under 18 in the chat room when I first entered. I don’t know where the balance lies, but it is not my place to decide it is those who run the site. I can only be careful of what I say and who I say it to. I just wish that this was a true environment where I could say what I feel and get the support I so desperately need.

Actually I like the PM's in the chat room,its easier to talk to people about stuff with out changing the main topic.Which I hate to do because then it makes me look like I am only wanting to talk about my only problems and nobody's else's.Although I have a bad habit of being very long winded in which I think I ran one person off with that........oh well.

i dunno
if i can be in the "Lounge" and type sentences that make no sense, have nothing to do with anything - and nobody asks me about them...
well, i just don't see much reason to stay in the main chat.

m

Jarrad, et al,
I've been coming to chat for about two weeks. I avoided it for months because I was extremely uncomfortable with it...had never chatted online in any manner before.

I am a frequent user of the "other rooms." The reason I find comfort in that, is that I get overwhelmed by a crowded lounge. I'm a very visual person, and I actually imagine seeing all the people in the room. Because I have a one track mind, and because I get overwhelmed by all those different lines of type flying onto the screen (blame my OCD for that...it's a weird compulsion I won't try to explain here), I just can't stay there...even though I am finally very comfortable being part of the conversations.

I will point out that I enjoy chat much more when there is a meaty matter being discussed. I can banter with the best of them (I hope), but you may notice from time to time that I'll jump in at some pause to ask if anyone has an issue to discuss.

We all have our own particular ways of making the chat room work for us. I for one, don't get offended when someone runs off to the other rooms.

Thanks for bringing this up for discussion! Good thread.

Russ

sometimes for many reasons guys either cant take the topic in main chat or have something personal or just feel out of place ,PLEASE dont take this wrong but when its a room full of gay survivors i do feel out of place as im sure they would in a room full of straight guys, some topics trigger me but i try to stay anyway listening is learning and i cant understand the trigger if i run from it. said it before if you cant hang in chat ,the real world is gonna be a bitch. the only thing i can see that would be age affected would be sexualy explicit conversations which can trigger young or old guys ,i know most of the young guys here and yeah they are young ,but in no way are they kids ,abuse does that you know ,we grow up real quick ,and to be here at all shows me these are men not boys

Ok. Tough one, here it goes ...

Some folks talk too much, and shout. They use caps, bold, exclamations and bright colors. They make a big deal when someone they know enters the chat room. They interrupt conversations when they enter the room. They don't care and do not ask if there is an ongoing conversation. They just barge in and demand attention.

I am sure some folks don't mind this behavior and actually like it. I know the folks that do this think they are friendly.

However, some of us find this annoying, or makes us nervous. I think it's disrrespectful to interrupt a conversation because you joined the room and now the attention has to focus entirely on you.

I am not asking anyone to change their behavior but keep in mind that some of us are uncomfortable with this, so don't be offended or surprised if we leave the chat room or go into a private conversation when this happens.

This is the only way I have found to be polite and gracious despite the fact that I find this behavior rude and impolite.

When I am in chat....well alot fo times I have something to talk about that is not for the general public's knowledge and I think we develop good friends here who know our whole story. We feel more comfortable talking to them about sensitive subjects. Its nothing personal or against anyone else, but if I happen to be dicussing something truely embarassing I will create my own little room to discuss it amongst the very few people who know my whole life story rather than trying to reinform everyone ya know!

leaving because i am triggered does not mean i'm running from anything. allowing myself time to calm down so i don't act out is healthy - i'm sorry if not everyone sees it this way.

now if my leaving is truly causing trouble for everyone then i guess i could completely stay away from the main chat room or just not come to chat??

m

i think the main thing for me is that yeah, i get the main room is difficult to talk about "real" shit. but thats why we are here. to talk about it. so if everyone is making other rooms to talk about it, it kind of defeats the purpose of sharing. i understand people get triggered. thats not what im talking about. i have no problems with people runing over to the treehouse. that is what that room is for. i just think you re doing a a disserve to yourself an other members here by taking your "real" discussions to other rooms. thats how you make new friends and new connections. basically you are just isolating. which is a common thing a lot of us do.

Sharing to me is a highly personal thing - to be effective must be to whom i wish to share, when i wish to share.

i come to chat to connect, not necessarily to talk about anything in particular. And if that means sometimes i go to another channel, or make one where i can talk about personal things - i should be able to do so. this is all part of valuing myself, and i see no reason to feel guilty for taking care of myself.

m