whats the deal lately in the chatrooms? everyone is pairing off and making thier own room. thats what PMs are for i thought. its nuts when there are 8 guys here but all are in other rooms. when the treehouse is filled everyone makes other rooms. thats weird. does anyone else wonder why this is going on all of a sudden?

speaking for myself - i go to another room typically for one of two reasons:
1) i've been triggered and i need some space
2) there's somebody i don't get along with - i'd rather not out-and-out ignore people - so leaving the channel seems less crude

m

I noticed it to.... i think its a conspiracy against us Jarrad.... lol jk... i have no idea why we have been doing it.

,Chris

It do seem kind of 'click-y'. But I guess seeing that they are in a seperate room, I feel less 'left out' then when I come into a main room of 6 or 7 people and all them are talking to each other and nothing is said in the room. At least I do not expect them to talk with me if they are in whole other room.

Andrei

Jarrad,

I am guilty of running off to another room, but honestly it's nothing against any of the guys in the main chat. Most of the time I will invite someone to another room because we have some unfinished business from a previous night.

Sometimes it's just easier to go to a private room, to pick up a conversation, than it would be to try and fill everyone in on what we had talked about the other night.

I also have found it more and more difficult to have a serious conversation in the main chat. I don't mean to say that fun is not important, but sometimes I just don't want to bring down the whole room.

Concerning the PM's, I really hate those little boxes. I agree with Andrei, if you're in the main chat you should participate. If you get into a conversation on PM, it's hard to keep up with the main chat. I find it difficult to multi-task.

I will say that if I'm in another room and it's not "locked", anyone is welcome to join me. If by chance it is "locked" and you still want to talk just PM me and ask to join. I really am not trying to be "clique-ish".

Carl

There is a threshold to productive conversation in terms of numbers of guys in chat. To me, the optimal number is 6 to 8 participants. Any more than that, it's hard to explore any specific issue in any depth. I think it's totally cool for guys to break off in separate packs. They're doing their thing and I'm doing mine.

Not to seem rude; but it seems to me that some people who feel that they are far along enough in their recovery they do not need to waste their time on those of us that are not. They seem that they do not want to be bothered. It is much better for them to go to a private chat or a circle meeting.

Well we need you, we need you experience and strength. I know that I have concerns about being in chats with minors, nothing against them I just feel concerned about what I can and cannot say. But, I am working on it and not accepting PM from most of them or as in one case for my saftey I am ignoring him.

As for triggering; I am sorry but we have to live in the real world and sometimes there are triggers. But, let’s not use them as an excuse so that we do not have to interact with others or deal with life.

Hope I did not upset everyone, but I am learning more and more to just tell it how it is.

Greg,

i hope you never stop "telling it like it is". i had to learn that before i could learn to start tempering my language, LOL.

you have very valid points - though we may disagree slightly on triggering, though i do concur they should not become excuses for hiding. however, taking time to "chill" when triggered is not only necessary for me, it is extremely healthy.

M

I think there is a difference between the 'circle' meetings and people in regular chat making their own rooms. The circle meetings have been going on for months, there have been many different 'signup' posts for them for months, and they are specific designed to be the same group of people each time. 'Drop ins', even from one group to another, are not done. There is a reason they were formed as they were. And there are some members in them that are very new to recovery and very new to this board.

Individual people in chat room making their own rooms that are still visible to the rest of the chat group, that is something very different. I can see it to be good in one way, specially if there is two or more people in main room who are all needing to talk on serious issues, it is I think more respect for them all to be able to talk to someone at same time. But it also look rather 'exclusive' sometime as well.

Andrei

Greg,

First off, the healing circles are just that. It is a group of guys trying to make sense of their lives, in small groups or circles, so that healing can take place. They are in no way only for those "far along enough in their recovery." You, and anyone else at MS, are more than welcome to join a healing circle.

Second, I apologize if I have not spent as much time in chat as I should. I do feel a lot of guilt over that, for exactly the same reasons you mention...The new guys need some of the oldtimers to help them along, and give them support. I have been at MS for over 3 years and the guys here have helped me more than anyone in my entire life. Many of these guys I met thru their posts and in the chatroom. Many of these guys are my brothers. I truly have grown to love them and care for them a great deal.

To respond to Jarrad's initial post, and to agree with you, Greg, I too, have noticed that anytime I do enter the chat, more times than not, I am alone. There can be 6-8 other guys there, but either they are PMing each other, or I have offended the hell out of a lot of new guys here. I am alone there.

I am shy, and it is difficult for me to just come into chat. I feel that I am disrupting a conversation that is already going on. So I usually read and then leave. Lately, what I have been reading, I cannot even relate to. I am beginning to think perhaps I am too old for chat. Most of the guys are teens or early 20s. Most of the conversations going on are relating to their interests and things I do not even understand, which is fine and normal.

When I first came to chat, we talked mostly about our feelings, fears, and about our SA, no matter how dark. I think it is super that the younger guys are at MS. I wish I had something like MS around when I was a teen or in my early 20s. I could have spared myself and my family a lot of grief over the years.

As far as triggering, when I first came here, the conversations in chat where usually heavy conversations. Yeah, we were triggered, but realistically, it IS part of life. It is part of OUR life. Being able to be frank, and say what I was feeling was what helped me the most. I could talk about my abuse without having to feel ashamed. We were all in the same boat together, both young and old.

I think perhaps we have become so "politically correct" until the conversations in chat are now stiffled. We are afraid of triggering someone, or offending someone. Hell, three years ago, triggering was part of our healing!! It just was. We realized that was a risk we took coming here and discussing our issues in chat. Note, we NEVER intentionally tried to trigger each other, and if we had something that was really likely to trigger a lot of people we used the Unmoderated Forums. But triggers are going to occur, we all live thru them, and usually learn something from the discussion.

I hope I haven't offended any of the young guys here. Like I stated earlier, I think it is super that teens and young men can come here and have a place to chat and not be judged. Three of my closest friends are young men I met here at MS, and were much younger when we first came here. We all got along and cared for each other regardless of our age differences. We had many discussions and conversations that were painfully frank, but in the end, we all learned something about each other, and most importantly, about ourselves.

I'll try to participate more often in chat. I need to meet a lot of the new guys.