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#179531 - 09/10/07 09:15 PM Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS
memoryjogger Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/10/07
Posts: 7
Loc: VA
Read several things here- but never posted. Hope this won't upset anyone but I have no one else to ask.

My husband recently just told me about his abuse as a child. It has been hard, but we are working through it. There is something I have been wondering about and if it is a result of the abuse. I don't think I can mention it as I don't want to embarass him or sound like I'm accussing him.

I am aware that other people enjoy anal sex or play. My husband is very turned on by it but it's jut not my cup of tea. He has never pushed me to do it, but I know he really wants too. I know he didn't LIKE the abuse, but as it was his first sexual experience, he did RESPOND to it. Is it possible this is why he is so excited by it? I know that sounds sick, but sometimes I just feel like my vagina just ain't good enough. I know he is not into guys... and I'm not some uptight wife. I just don't know what to think about it. Hope this doesn't offend anyone.

Memoryjogger


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#179536 - 09/10/07 09:26 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: memoryjogger]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
haha not at all. a lot of straight guys like to have anal sex with women. he might ask you to use a dildo on him. if you dont want to do it, then dont. you have ever right to say no. but, you know.. if you never have done it, might be worth a try. could be fun.


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#179546 - 09/10/07 09:42 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: Jarrad]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Not a silly question at all...PM me, I have some links I provided
my GF w/ when we were discussing the "new" experience together...
I'll try to find them...

there are also some great podcasts (ipod not required) that cover
this subject by PROFESSIONAL SEX THERAPISTS and "common
folk" women too...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#179549 - 09/10/07 09:44 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Not sure if you were to provide him w/ the stimuli or was
going to provide you with the stimulation... confused...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#179559 - 09/10/07 10:38 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: Frog]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
I can't believe that this is being talked about on here. It is embarrassing!


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#179560 - 09/10/07 10:42 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: MusicMan]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
why is it embarassing?


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#179561 - 09/10/07 10:42 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: Frog]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Hi Memoryjogger,

I'm not sure that I can explain why some SA survivors develop what most call kinky sex practices. But I know that many do both male and female. However as you pointed out there are a lot of people without any abuse history that do the same. So it is difficult to tell if it is related to his abuse or not. But does that matter? Remember you should not become a victim of abuse either. This includes being nagged,made to feel guilty or for them to use their abuse as a reason to get you to do something that you don't feel comfortable doing.

So if you decide to do anything along the lines of kinky make sure that you do it with a clear mind and rules are made to make sure that if you want to stop for any reason that there won't be any problems.

Take care.

Brokensoul


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#179564 - 09/10/07 11:36 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: brokensoul]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Guys,

Let's keep this discussion specific to the question asked by the poster. If any of you wish to have a discussion on whether the subject is embarrassing or not please take it to the Unmoderated forum.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#179565 - 09/10/07 11:37 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: MusicMan]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: MusicMan
I can't believe that this is being talked about on here. It is embarrassing!


It was not my intention to embarrass ANYONE...EVER...

the post CLEARLY states "TRIGGERS"...and "EMBARRASSING"....
these forums are for anyone to post anything related to our
CSA...she does have a legitimate concern...
and we are responding...
as we do w/ everyones concerns and questions...

please give her the same non-judgemental respect,
honesty and openness that we give everyone on this forum...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#179566 - 09/10/07 11:39 PM Re: Embarassing Sexual Question- TRIGGERS [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

whoops...sorry walkingsouth...didn't mean to overstep any
boundries...WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN...that's why we have
MODERATORS right?

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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