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#179448 - 09/10/07 02:32 PM Good boys take turns
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
When i was little i wanted to please my parents
    they were my world, when they smiled the sun shone

As i grew, there were others to attend to
    keeping my sister happy, she might not want to play her "games"
    couldn't keep my brother or his friends happy, best to hide

Still older, and the crowd to please grew
    now it was my peers, again mostly for self preservation
    the beatings were shorter if i did what was demanded

I got married
    the need to please parents didn't leave
    instead i just added another person to the list - my wife

My children
    my reasons for living - the joys of my existance
    and more who need me to make the world right for them

Mom died
    and now there's my father's new live-in girlfriend to tend with

All i want to know -
    when is it flippin my turn???????????????


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#179460 - 09/10/07 03:41 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10948
Loc: Denver, CO
Mark,

I remember somewhere along the way that, perhaps after some therapy, I realized I could not please everyone. Somewhere along the way, I said 'oh well, ain't gonna happen.' I also realized it was ok for some people not to like me. When I saw it was ok for them to not like me, then it was ok for me to not try to please them. Granted the perception with immediate family may be different, even some of them can take a nice long break from my people-pleasing agenda, perhaps indefinitely.

Yes, good boys take turns, just not at the expense of the good boy.

My $0.02 worth,

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#179466 - 09/10/07 04:00 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: FormerTexan]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Start right now dude, get on the PC and surf youtube all day or go buy a nice bicycle and take off for an afternoon or go for a drive and visit your hometown or buy a cool model set (like tanks and planes or nascars) and put them together down in the basement while you listen to archived Micheal Savage shows on your mp3 player or WHATEVER.

You're an adult, DO WHATEVER you want to do. You don't HAVE to be with your wife EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. You don't HAVE to be with the kids EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.

Sounds like you need some "play time" to me.

Then again, I was never the people-pleaser, I never really gave a damn what others wanted of me. I guess we're all different huh?


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#179470 - 09/10/07 04:22 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: Hauser]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: FormerTexan
Yes, good boys take turns, just not at the expense of the good boy.

Originally Posted By: Hauser
Sounds like you need some "play time" to me.


Two outstanding comments. Thank you both for sharing from your hearts.

Of course, if hearing, accepting, and applying were synonomous - I'd have it made...

M


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#179496 - 09/10/07 07:51 PM Re: Good boys take turns *DELETED* [Re: MarkK]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#179499 - 09/10/07 08:10 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: ttoon]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Yes Mark, yes. When is my Flippin turn. Making me cry. We'll get there Brother, that's what it's all about, that's what the healing is all about. Time to realize, now is my time, same as you, now is our time.

When we realize we get to have a turn that's when the healing is done.

Love ya bro
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179502 - 09/10/07 08:14 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: mogigo
When we realize we get to have a turn that's when the healing is done.

I woulda thought that's when the healing finally starts...


M


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#179508 - 09/10/07 08:26 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I would think if we can get to a point that we realize that we DO get to have a turn that hard part is done.

Hear ya bro
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179511 - 09/10/07 08:29 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Hmmm ... that makes a lot of sense too.

But maybe when we:
1) Realize we DO get a turn
and
2) TAKE it

?

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#179515 - 09/10/07 08:46 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hard Brother, never been there. Still working myself. But if I can get to a point where I do value myself enough to believe I get a turn, I would think then I just become...what...normal? Maybe join the rest of the world in thinking I might deserve something???? anything???? ....Maybe put myself first.

Is there something so wrong in that. Putting myself first. I know feels wrong to me too.

Hard Bro, but in the end I "guess" I am worth it, who the F**k else is going to put me first other than myself. As an adult "logically" nobody else is.

Want to solve it for you bro, but I'm in the same place.

Are we worth it? Shit I don't know, but would we be here if in the back of our heads we thought different.

I suck, in my mind. But there must be something talkin to us. Right?

God forbid we like ourselves.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179516 - 09/10/07 08:50 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Major.
I dunno if *we* are worth it - but I know you are.
I would put you first.
I put everyone first - that's they way it's supposed to be.

but normal?

SHUDDER

i hope to never


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#179524 - 09/10/07 09:03 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
\:\) \:\) yea I know. wouldn't want to be "them" either. But I'm not talkin about becoming them, I'm just talkin about putting ourselves first. Shit bro, if we can get a little of them inside us without becoming "them" then I would think....what....paradise.

Imagine all the people here growing up on the same street, fuck I would think the wildlife would be coming out to say "hey, how's it going". No true answer's bro, but there has to be a better way than what we've beeen doing. Right?

I know I wish this was my community growing up, right. Never met people like here, that I know. What if this was the norm.

Gotta dream brother

I know I can dream or I wouldn't be here.

No answers Bro? just the same dream.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179525 - 09/10/07 09:04 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I don't dream
Stopped a long time ago


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#179526 - 09/10/07 09:05 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
dude imagine all of us living on the same street way back when, saying dude, f this - let's rise up and stop this now! awesome ( a fantasy yes, but maybe a good one) love, tw


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#179534 - 09/10/07 09:20 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: testingWaters]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Yea TW, wish I had the answers mark, can't give you what you want to know but I ain't leaving this place and I ain't giving up.

Best I can do Mark, don't leave me bro because we need everyone we can get, and you definately fit right in.

Love Ya (how many will tell ya that)
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179535 - 09/10/07 09:22 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
actually - lots tell me that. some because they want something - and the rest because they really don't know me.

fit in? that would be something new - to fit in.

as for leaving - i have no where else to go.

m


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#179542 - 09/10/07 09:36 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Shit Mark, I know, truly I know. I'm not flying high, I'm not livin "the dream". But I know I want you to be in my dreamed up world.

What do I want Mark? am I lookin for something. Don't really know you, have no idea what I can get out of you. So why would I say that? hmmmmm couldn't be cause I mean it. Trust me Mark, I'm in the same boat, outside this thread ask me what I think of people and I'll tell you "I hate fuckin people" do I really sound like a guy that would tell someone else I love them, not fucking likely.

This place is different Mark. This place is what the world COULD be.

In the end I know I didn't answer your questions. Shit, nobody's answered mine either. But I hope that I've given you a reason to believe that we do exist. Something I would have laughed at a few month's ago. Now I know I'm not alone, right Brother?

Maybe, just maybe. We'll finally make a community of just us.

Dreaming Bro, dream with me Okay. We need ya

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179545 - 09/10/07 09:41 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Dreaming hurts
I prefer being safe


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#179547 - 09/10/07 09:43 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
K bro, but I know yer lyin or you wouldn't be here.

Stay Strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179548 - 09/10/07 09:44 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
lying?????

you were doin so good too ...

sigh

cya

M


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#179553 - 09/10/07 09:49 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
cya, can't save ya Mark. Just offer a friend. If I can't do that then I failed.

What else is new, failure in my life.

Bro
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179554 - 09/10/07 09:52 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
no problem of course
and you didn't fail
it's me - i just don't do well with friends that call me a liar

silly me

ciao


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#179555 - 09/10/07 09:52 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
K, you did hurt me Mark, good job. Gonna spend hours going over and over again what I did wrong. But I guess that's the point, isn't it?

Just answer me one question? what are you doing here if your not dreaming?

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179556 - 09/10/07 10:05 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: mogigo
K, you did hurt me Mark, good job. Gonna spend hours going over and over again what I did wrong. But I guess that's the point, isn't it?

No. It is not my hope or desire to hurt someone else. I never should have started this thread. I'm sorry for offending you - I'm sorry I opened up my stupid mouth.

M


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#179557 - 09/10/07 10:05 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Ya know Mark, I'm not a therapist, I'm not being paid. For the last hour all I've done is tried to give a little of my soul to another. What am I looking for Mark. Something back? a little self esteem for myself. Not bloody likely when a person with major issues talks to another guy with major issues. Maybe all I wanted was to say "hey bro I can completely agree with what your saying". And now you put it all on me, like I was somehow succeeeding at what I was doing. Like I had some kind of alterior motive that you've figured out.

Mark, I'm not going to say Fuck you. I'm really not (wink wink) but really brother did you expect me to actually know what I'm doing, did you expect me to be a professional. We're both just hurtin fuck upped human being's with no answer's to the shit we've been handed.

You say you only do what's in the best interest of other's but here I am feeling like shit. I can understand you being testy, but to do that to another that's just as hurtin.....

PM if you want Mark, I'm never one to make snap judgments.

Love you Bro, because I understand. Nothing more, nothing less.

PS: Honestly just wanted to try and help. HONESTLY

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#179558 - 09/10/07 10:33 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: mogigo]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
I guess that, in response to everyone, the only way that we get our turn is to create it ourselves. It seems fairly consistent with most of us that we are used to being taken advantage of. Everyone has gotten used to us being passive, or, at best, passive-aggressive. Chances are that most people don't care about our feelings, which is unfortunate, because we are very "feeling" people.

I would say that, as long as we do what we've always done, we will get what we always got. It's easy to see and to say, but difficult to "apply". I'm feeling a little bit confident in saying that because I am becoming a little more assertive and it is making a difference. Try it. No one has died because of it for me. People may be a little stunned by it because is it out of the norm, but people do start to respect you for it.

These are our lives. Let's take them back, guys.

God bless,
John, The Music Man


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#179562 - 09/10/07 10:45 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MusicMan]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Solid advice, John. Thanx.

M


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#181968 - 09/23/07 10:25 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I too had to learn the hard way that I couldn't take care of everyone else, couldn't please everyone else, and couldn't even expect people to be happy if I did the things they asked me to do. I tried so hard to be perfect and apologized constantly, even without thinking what I was sorry for, but mainly for not being perfect.
After a while, people around me weren't happy because, if they had even a shred of human decency, they realized that I was only more miserable for the effort of trying to make them happy. I've recognized that I'm not responsible for anyone else's happiness. If I can help other people, good; but if not, I'll live with it, since some people simply want to be miserable and complain. Those people I can live without. I owe them nothing.
Be good to yourself, however hard that might be. We need to be free to do things for others from gratitude, not guilt or shame. I can relate to having no dreams, because I have none either. Still, I think what the other guy means is having a goal of healing. Any time you can take for yourself is time well spent, with whatever you enjoy (particularly listening to music, playing or watching sports, spending time with friends, etc.).

Ed


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#181970 - 09/23/07 10:29 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: copenbay]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
is this another "wink wink" moment?


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#181976 - 09/23/07 10:43 PM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: MarkK]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I'm not sure what you're asking. But if any of what I said helps, that's a good thing. I hope you're not taking anything the wrong way. I'm only trying to do some good here, if I can.

Ed


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#182035 - 09/24/07 09:55 AM Re: Good boys take turns [Re: copenbay]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
it's ok, Ed. I've been known to take things the wrong way - lol, ask anyone who's ever talked to me.

m


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