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#181321 - 09/20/07 12:48 AM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: Army]
wojax Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 171
Loc: Florida
As a Father of 4 I can not emagin a father doing these thing to his son...It is our job to teach our boys to be men and grow up strong and work hard to better themselfs...I taught my boys to be good prodictive men and when they were in high school to ware foot ball pads and have sprotmanship...how to swim and drive Never Never Never did I evrn thing of touching them...I just dont understand it....how dose sticking soming in your boys ass help him grow up stronge...I am very mad righ now.. I am very proud of my sons and what they have become the fathers thy are.
God Help me Im so mad right now.....

_________________________
Jer 7:23 ps 91:16

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#181322 - 09/20/07 12:55 AM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: jessedawg]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Jesse,

I am sorry, you are right, that it is only evil, there is no 'reason' to do such as that to a child, specially your own. Your father sound much to much like mine own. I am very sorry to anyone who grown up with such as I done, because I know how much it is pain and fear. My father is been dead now, and still I have fear of him. I am very sorry what hurt yours done to you.

VN


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#181360 - 09/20/07 08:36 AM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: VN]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
forgot i even posted this one
sorry to all of you who can relate, its not fair

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#181563 - 09/21/07 11:36 AM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

No need to apologize at all. You're asking a very important question here:

Originally Posted By: jessedawg
why is it that it seems so wrong and cruel that it happened to you but it seems so logical and deserving that it happened to me, like for you it was senseless cruelty, for me it was just something i had to learn


Do you remember how we talked about this one day in chat? The basic problem here begins with the fact that for a child the world centers around himself and what he wants and needs; his life is about getting those things and learning, as he goes, how complex this can get. But that's what growing up is about: How can I get what I want and need and still get along with the rest of the world?

But the key here is that the boy sees the world as centered around himself. That's not selfishness - it's childhood.

So what happens when the boy is abused? He wants to know why this is happening, and because the abuse is usually coming from someone he knows and trusts and perhaps loves, he doesn't blame that other person - he blames himself instead. And very often, like in your case, the abuser contributes to that by telling the boy crap like you heard: "suck it up", "be a man", "this is for your own good".

Because of this the boy will learn to feel all kinds of bad feelings about himself: shame, guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness, and so on. Even after the abuse ends those feelings are still with him; they're part of how he feels about himself as a guy.

But like I said, those are feelings about himself, not about anyone else. So he doesn't have any trouble at all seeing that other guys didn't deserve what happened to them. Those other guys are not him. His bad feelings are feelings about himself and no one else.

This is why you can see that Buzz so totally did NOT deserve to be hurt like he was. You can feel for him and you can easily reach out to him. But as soon as you turn to yourself those old feelings are in the way.

Think of it like this. You are sitting in a room looking at someone; you see them for exactly who they are - and you like them. But then you look at yourself in a mirror that is old, cloudy, and warped a bit. You DON't like what you see, of course.

But is that image accurate? Nope. It's a distorted one, and what you have to do is remember that every time you look into that bad mirror, that's what you will see. You need to remember that the image is you somehow, but badly distorted.

Recovery is about finding and installing a new mirror.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#181569 - 09/21/07 11:59 AM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: roadrunner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
wow, yea i remember that chat we had, thanks for reminding me again.

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#181573 - 09/21/07 12:33 PM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: roadrunner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: roadrunner

But is that image accurate? Nope. It's a distorted one, and what you have to do is remember that every time you look into that bad mirror, that's what you will see. You need to remember that the image is you somehow, but badly distorted.
Recovery is about finding and installing a new mirror.
Much love,
Larry


okay so i dont mean to make a joke out of this and you KNOW i really appreicate the advise and wisdom here but this made me laugh and got me thinking about "beer goggles" ya know like when youre trashed and all the girls in the room look really really really hot, but then the next morning when youre sober and hungover youre like what the fuck was i thinking and wheres the damn exit!?!?!? lol unrelated i know, but thanks for the laugh, i needed it!

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#181575 - 09/21/07 12:37 PM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

Originally Posted By: jessedawg
thanks for the laugh, i needed it!


rofl \:D Enjoy!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#181647 - 09/21/07 08:10 PM Re: a good way to shut someone up - trigger [Re: roadrunner]
wojax Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 171
Loc: Florida
Jesse,
I remember those days too LOL.....when your drunk enough they all look goodlol

_________________________
Jer 7:23 ps 91:16

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