last night i come to realise that i was'nt just a victim of sexual abuse, i was also subjected to physical abuse by my dad. for those of you who dont know i joined this board a couple of days ago and have found it really helpful to get my thoughs out in writing as i am unable to speek about them, i have memories of being sexually abused by a neighbour on severall occasions, i now also have moemories of the physical violance my dad would give me, once i was made to steal an action figure by another boy at school, needless to say i got caught, the police made a visit to the house one evening and told my parents what i had done, that evening my day cam into the bedroom and pulled me from the top bunk of my bed, he then took of his belt and hit me continuously with the buckle, i could sit or walk for days, was that justified in anyway, i know i did wrong but did i deserve that. another instance was i got caught peeing up the garage wall, my dad caught me in the act and dragged me indoors pulled my trousers down and threatend to cut my willy of with a pair of scissors, then there was a time when i wanted to watch night rider on tv 'it was new to us then' he turned the tv over and i thenik i must of sweared when he did it, i seem to remember his friend being there at the time, in any case out come the belt and along came another beating. my mother always said tome i was the bad apple out of us,now i know why i must have really disapointed them. for them to treat me like that. i also remember i had to have a minor op because i was haing problems with my hearing anyway i was taken to hospital and left there on my own over night, i didnt get any visitors untill after 8 the following evening when my my mum turned up i was crying, they let me go through all that on my own i must of been around 8 at the time. is any of that right? was i to blam like they say i was? today i woke up feeling worthless, angry for the fact that i have missed out on so much happiness.