Newest Members
J44, Anura, reynel5, smc1972, Moi
12418 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
camdon (30), camdon greenwood (30), Denise (72), getteddie (66), morgoth (24), Ric (66)
Who's Online
4 registered (don64, traveler, tbkkfile, 1 invisible), 29 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12418 Members
74 Forums
63764 Topics
445306 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#179148 - 09/08/07 12:11 PM He Could Have Held Me
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I was not frightened
I just didn't want to
I didn't like it
It was creepy
I hid
But I knew I wasn't hiding
I knew he knew where I was
But, it felt safe there in the closet
Strange, huh?
He knew
I knew he knew
And yet curled up in there in a big ball in the dark it was somehow safe
Sort of
But, I knew he would come
And I knew what we would do
Do you know he never smiled
Never held me close
Oh, he held me
He had to hold me
I was so little
But he never hugged me
Never made me feel warm or loved
We just did those things
I wonder if he got off
Little kids don't know about those things
Don't think about those things
At least not the way we did it
It's like he just wanted to see me squirm
Like I was this sexual science project or something
I squirmed
God, I squirmed
And then it would be over
You know how bad I wanted him to love me?
You know the things I would have let him do if he would have just loved me?
Anything
Anything he wanted
But he did that anyway, didn't he
I loved him most times, I think
We did fun stuff
I remember laughing
I remember him laughing
It was just something we did
Something I had to do
A part of my day
But he never held me close
When he was doing those things
You know, those things
At least he could have held me

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




Top
#179154 - 09/08/07 12:55 PM Re: He Could Have Held Me [Re: Bobby]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

I'm so sorry. You deserved not only to be kept safe, but also to get that nurturing and comforting - that feeling of being a special boy - just as you, without conditions. And of course without doing those things.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.