Newest Members
journey4two, VASurvivor, jayceemac, rwolf, FindingNemo
12328 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alicia (55), bubblytam (56), crazydragon (39), JGag78 (36), kris82 (32), Shin (28)
Who's Online
3 registered (Obi, journey4two, Greg56), 14 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12328 Members
74 Forums
63397 Topics
443267 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#17906 - 05/10/03 04:38 PM A Good Practical Exercise
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Go back to the age when your abuse began.

Now go and carefully observe children of that age, with their caretakers, at a park, playground, ballfield, zoo, etc.

Maybe you can take a notebook and record your observations of how those children act & interact with one another & with the adults around them.

Then you might go to the library or bookstore and read some books that accurately describe the developmental capabilities of a child that age.

Then, in your mind, put that child in an environment of abuse [perhaps like your own] and carefully think through your previous expectations
and harsh judgments of yourself.

This is usually a powerful exercise. Part of the reason for that is that survivors think back on their abuse with adult minds. They consider what happened and how they responded as if the child they remember could do what they are now capable of doing as adults [this may have something to do with the survivors' frequent lack of a real childhood]...survivors' perceptions of children, especially of themselves as children, are far from what is realistic.

We weren't adults then so how could we have stopped our abuser? How could we tell when we got
older after years of threats & fear?

This exercise could help some of us "shed light on a confused mind that for years has been full of lies and unrealistic expectations."

(Adapted from "On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse" by Diane Mandt Langberg, Ph.D., pp 64,65.)

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#17907 - 05/14/03 07:14 PM Re: A Good Practical Exercise
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
"I couldn't stop my mother. I couldn't stop my father. I couldn't stop any of my perps. I wasn't articulate enuf to get anybody to believe me or to help me." \:\(

"They were bigger & stronger than me. They had the power. They were in control & beyond my control."

"I was a small child outnumbered & overpowered by adults I was supposed to be able to trust. I was not a 46 year old man and they were not feeble & in their 60's."

"I could not help it and it was not my fault!"


Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#17908 - 05/14/03 07:38 PM Re: A Good Practical Exercise
KleinerSpatz Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/12/03
Posts: 15
Loc: BRD
Demanding the impossible:

Have those that were supposed to care do just not that, those paid to care do the opposite and the ones sworn to do Gods work commit high-treasen.

Then ask me to forget about it and walk on through life.

As if nothing happened.

Even if I were 46 and able, I would not have been able to fight off so many.

I am just a man, not something supernatural.

_________________________
Die Gedanken sind Frei!

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.