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#178671 - 09/06/07 02:30 PM on the subject of disclosing
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
who i disclose to and when is always my decision, yes?
i've disclosed to my wife, my best friend, all of you, and those in my peer support group.

so if i choose not to disclose to anyone else, even my family, that is my decision, is it not? and the same for confronting the perps - if i choose not to, that is also my choice to make.

at what point (if any) does disclosing/confronting become "necessary"???

M


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#178672 - 09/06/07 02:43 PM Re: on the subject of disclosing [Re: MarkK]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
I really don't know the answer to that and I wished I'd never disclosed.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#178673 - 09/06/07 02:54 PM Re: on the subject of disclosing [Re: user2007]
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
I believe that what you disclose, and who you disclose it to, are going to be different to everyone.

The short answer to your question

(at what point (if any) does disclosing/confronting become "necessary"???)

It is only necessary if YOU feel it is necessary. It is totally up to you, and no one else. While people might pressure you for information, or more details, YOU get to decide what is right, and when it is right to disclose anything.

The power in this situation belongs totally to you. I know, the feeling of being powerless is ingrained in us as victims and the thought that we actually have POWER is a difficult one to grasp.

But, we do have POWER, especially in this situation.

Best wishes and warmest regards,
Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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#178674 - 09/06/07 03:01 PM Re: on the subject of disclosing [Re: MarkK]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
MarkK, I don't know if I'm right in saying this or not but I have taken the stance that I am only going to disclose to those whom I choose to. I do feel that one should disclose to anyone they are starting a serious relationship with in part because our abuse can effect them as well.But other than that it should be more about you and when and who you choose.

I have never disclosed to my family(edit should have said excluding my wife whom knows all)and never will. But my family is very closed minded. I grew up listening to bad comments and jokes made about gays. I have a uncle that went to a bar and got drunk he left the bar with two women( who were not) he ended up SAed,robbed and naked in a ally. He called my father to come and get him. He was never allowed to forget it and was made fun of as long as I could remember. All of this happening during a time of my abuse. There was no way that I would open myself up to that ever.

But that is me and my story and feelings.

Take care.
Brokensoul




Edited by brokensoul (09/06/07 03:21 PM)

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#178680 - 09/06/07 03:50 PM Re: on the subject of disclosing [Re: brokensoul]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
J - I'm sorry to hear that it was such a bad experience for you. But that sure strengthens my belief that it needs to be solely the choice of the individual.

Scott - Thanx for the reply - also cnofirms what I believed. But you're sure right about the idea of having power being a difficult concept to get hold of.

Broken - If it's what you believe - you're right in saying it. Thank you. I also agree if you're going to share a life with someone - that should include any "baggage" - though it should probably be said in small segments so not to bury someone...

M


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#178744 - 09/06/07 06:03 PM Re: on the subject of disclosing [Re: MarkK]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Mark,

You're right. It is your choice. I think it depends on what you wnat to accomplish by disclosing and how you feel about it.

I have been battling with wanting to tell my parents. With the help of so many guys on here, I have become motivated to talk to my one brother about whether I should do so. I did talk to him about it and he agreed with everyone on here, that I should.

I really plan on using my story as an evangelistic outreach to the world. So, disclosing to my parents has become very important to me because I don't want them to find out in an off-beat way. I want to tell them beforehand. I'm looking at what I need to accomplish by telling instead of just doing it for no reason. You might want to take a look at what purpose it would serve to disclose to whomever you are thinking of disclosing to. I think that if it is purpose-driven, it might help you to decide what you want to do and why you want to do it. It might help the individuals that you are thinking about disclosing to, also.

I wish you the best with whatever you choose to do. I will pray for you, brother.

God bless,
John, The Music Man


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