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#178480 - 09/05/07 08:31 PM worn out
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have recently moved and over the last several days i have felt sad and i have no idea and this bothers me because i have no real reason to feel like this although i have taken the huge chance in moving in with my fiancee.


I love her with all my heart but i am concerned witrh why i have been feeling this way with essentially no outside influences.

Whatever it is i can only hope it goes away and i get through it.

I am in therapy and i desperately want answers to this nagging feeling that i cant seem to shake or stop ruminating about.

Is it old tapes that play out in my head from my past which always cause me to feel threatened therefore always wondering why...???


Csa is so provocative and overwhelming that effects every aspect of my life and it is so rough to deal with and have no perspective in it.


Coopstah

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#178755 - 09/06/07 07:05 PM Re: worn out [Re: thecoopstah]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Coopstah,

Just as long as I have been reading some of your posts, I have gotten a small introduction to what you are going through. I know I don't even know you, but your messages have impacted me. My husband is in the early stages of everything, so my life is in turmoil as well. I realize you probably don't feel like you are an inspiration, but thank you for your honesty here. Your posts have given me a little glimpse into what my best friend may be experiencing, but yet to express or share. How long have you been in therapy?

Hang in there. Moving in with someone, CSA or not, is no easy transition.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#178835 - 09/06/07 11:28 PM Re: worn out [Re: violet]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have been in therapy for about 4 yrs now and it's so friggin hard on me some days i want to scream and kill people other days i am pretty much ok with "self".

I am honored you find my honesty helpful afterall honesty is the ONLY way to live your life otherwise who's shitting who in the ned.

I have to tell you though honesty is real painful at times and i'd much rather the alterntive in that lying is alot easier however i have to live with myself therefore i have no time for the drama and chaos lying causes.


I noticed you saying my posts have impacted you ...in what way and if they do how are they helpful although you might not have used that word but i can tell you i am a pretty intense man and i can be pretty difficult to deal with and although i try my best to be gentle with myself and especially others it's still hard.

Yopur husbands is going to need all the support you can give him because the csa "one" deals with and the pain that goes with it is NOT something they need to do alone.

Give him all the time he needs and especially the ability to be himself no matter what that mat be because "space" is something we as survivors need to process this shit.

Remember however you need to take care of you in the menatime otherwise you will go insane and neither one of you dont need any more stress and pain in your lives then you already have.

God bless and stay in touch i'd like to know how things are going in your lives.


Coopstah

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#179455 - 09/10/07 03:11 PM Re: worn out [Re: thecoopstah]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Coopstah,

You sound a lot like my brother, perhaps that is why your posts seem helpful. As in my family, we never discussed anything and never talked about the stuff under the surface. Although there was no CSA abuse, there was a lot of emotional abuse from my father. My brother was the only one in the family who wanted to address the issues with my father and when no one wanted to discuss (or admit them) he acted out and became the rebel of the family.

He has had a lot of crap to deal with of his own but he has always been brutally honest which some family members can't handle but has always been refreshing to me.

I guess the gist of it is that none of our friends or family can really understand what is going on. They care...just don't know what to do. My husband is really conficted about dealing with the CSA... it's bringing up a lot of crap that is hurtful. He has blocked out a lot of stuff even during our marriage when we were going through really stressful times and has serious anger issues. And more and more he realizes all the things he has said and done to protect himself. I think it's pretty confusing for him. That's why I wish he would start therapy, but I don't think he will for awhile.

It just scares me to see how much he has done to protect himself. I'm scared to know how deeply he is hurt.

When he first disclosed, I read some articles online like "Stages of Recovery" and though some of the information was helpful. When I finally came across the MS board, and read some of the posts, it just comforted me to know that we weren't the only ones. I'm especially glad I read some of the survivor's stories. I'd rather have someone tell me what a recovery was really like than give me a list, you know?

I can't even think in the terms of years right now. I'm just trying to get through the week.
I'm trying to take care of myself and it's hard to let people help me (little miss independent). But there is no other choice right now.

I wish you the best and hope you'll have a peaceful week.

V.




Edited by violet (09/24/07 09:11 PM)

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#179532 - 09/10/07 09:16 PM Re: worn out [Re: violet]
greatscott Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/14/07
Posts: 16
Violet,

I just started dealing with my own CSA. It's been about a month. I jumped into therapy and am finding that it's the work you do on your own that is the most beneficial. Don't get me wrong therapy is a good part of dealing with this. There is a book out there called The Sex Addiction Workbook that I am finding very helpful. There are also some books for you too. Check out the books section of this website.

I created a separate existance and managed to lie to everyone around me to protect that alternate existance that supported my pain that I thought I needed. My girlfriend found out about me by accadent so you can imagine how she felt. It was truely a wake up call because she is someone that I love dearly and I know if it wasn't for her support through this process I probably would not be doing this right now.

You are correct in saying that you need to take care of yourself right now. I can not speak for your husband but having someone like you in his life is a blessing.


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#179544 - 09/10/07 09:37 PM Re: worn out [Re: greatscott]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Greatscott,

I have just started Victims No Longer & Allies in Healing, so hopefully they'll give me some more insight.

I don't feel like I've been much of a blessing lately. I consider myself shamed by the comment. (Though I know that's not what you intended) But that's what I needed to hear.

I don't really want to separate from him, just separate from the estrangement we've been experiencing. And the truth of the matter is that all of our problems are not caused by his CSA (though there are issues aplenty). I have my own faults as well.

Thanks for your input. You guys are really helping me to understand my husband more, and helping me to refine my empathy.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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