I understand what you're saying, bro, and I'm sorry you're in that spot right now. But it does pass. Like so much else, that's one of the old tapes from the bad times still playing in our heads. Abuse teaches us all kinds of false lessons about our worth, and one is that of our ugliness. We think that this must be true because we FEEL that feeling so vividly. How can it be wrong?
But it is wrong - totally. It's not a feeling you can just turn off, but it can be worked on if you talk about it and drag it out into the open. Talking about these things lets us see that others have felt the same way and gives us ideas for our own situation.
At the end of the day, what we're doing is discovering ways to keep these old bad feelings from controlling us anymore. When we hide the feeling away, it wins yet again. When we drag it out and talk about it, we reject its power and begin the task of getting rid of it.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)