I hope my reply doesn't come across as too blunt.
But your wife, survivor or no, has no license to be hurtful or cruel to you when she is in pain (or any other time, for that matter).
It is especially unfair for her to use any of your disclosures as weapons against you.
I strongly recommend that the two of you figure out--books, therapy, somehow--how to fight fair. This way is not good for either one of you.
You are entitled to respect from your partner, no matter what; your partner is entitled to respect from you. Survivorhood does not give anyone the right to behave badly.
My second husband was frequently verbally abusive toward me. I hated him for it. Eventually it was a large factor in our separation and divorce. The corrosive effects of this kind of behavior should not be minimized. Words DO hurt and leave scars.
I don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself. Please take some more steps to make sure that you both have a safe haven in each other.
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.