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#177204 - 08/30/07 03:24 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: SECfanMIKE]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
k now say it a way i can understand .was there some point in your life where something happend that made you say yes i believe? if so i havnt had mine yet.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#177213 - 08/30/07 04:21 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
guys you say im blammimg god ?how can that be ?i dont believe in god remember?im not blamming god for my abuse ,its my perp no doubt ,BUT i do blame the people that filled my head with bullshit ,about god . that made me put my safety in gods hands and strangly enough they said lots of the same things i see in this post. if i believed or not couldnt save me ,but i damn sure would not have gone to sleep everynight knowing tomorrow god would save me ,god was the big disappointment for me not the people who hurt me.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#177215 - 08/30/07 04:29 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
hi adam...have missed talking with you man.
i don't know about Mike, but for me it wasn't so much one thing happening that made me say yes, i believe. There was a message in my head and it was tied to my heart...i know that sounds corny, but bear with me...i was at a PromiseKeepers event and had listened to a number of the speakers and NOTHING - but then this one presenter got up there and it was his talk...he was talking about how often people think they aren't worthy of God saving, they aren't fixed first, you have to be at a certain point of good to be accepted. He said that that was backwards...God WANTS us when we are at our worst, feeling our worst, whatever that is..HE WANTS TO HELP US OUT OF IT...

while this guy is talking there is a whisper in my head going "that makes sense, a loving Father would do that for His kids, not tell them he'll love them AFTER they are better" and I had a feeling in my heart ( I know it now as being convicted by God's Holy Spirit ...in other words, the third part of God, the Holy Spirit was in me, effecting my heart) I knew...there is no other way i can describe it..I just KNEW I was hearing the truth and I didn't justneed Jesus to be my Savior...I WANTED Him to save me..

you know adam...for me...i came to the realization one day that yes, i was abused by my dad for 13 years, beaten, humiliated ...but those aren't the reasons I needed God...that is why my dad needed God...
I needed God for my own sins...outside of the abuse, for whatever tose sins were. And it has taken God 5 years of slowly working me to a point where I was ready to begin dealing with the abuse of my childhood. And there are specific things that have happened that I can say "God's hands were in this" that happened leading me to startig therapy and facing my abuse.

Faith (blind trust) is the hardest thing for anyone to do...let alone us who were abused.

I would like to suggest a couple of books if that's okay that really helped me at first. They are by a guy named Lee Strobel. he was an atheist attorney who desicided to put all the evidence out there as though it were a trial...he found out the opposite of what he expected. the books are called "The Case for Christ", and "The Case for Faith", there is also "The Case for a Creator" - they are intelligently and objectively done, the evidence for the claims are laid out ther and you decide as though you were a juror.

just my opinion and how things happened for me.

take care buddy


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#177220 - 08/30/07 05:01 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
hey guy,

Originally Posted By: shadowkid
guys you say im blammimg god ?how can that be ?i dont believe in god remember?im not blamming god for my abuse ,its my perp no doubt ,BUT i do blame the people that filled my head with bullshit ,about god .

myself, i would say that's exactly where that part of the blame lies - with the people who fed you lies about God miraculously saving the little children He loves. what ELSE is a child in SA going to believe, except God doesn't even love them.

i was raised to believe God was our strength to go THRU these things - not be rescued from them. even though, i think i kinda appreciate where you're coming from.

all i can tell you is God has always loved us - and always will. as impossible as that may be to get wrapped in our heads with all the CSA trash - i believe it to be the truth. i guess maybe that's why they call it faith...

lastly,
Originally Posted By: shadowkid
god was the big disappointment for me not the people who hurt me.
i completly understand a child seeing God as a major hurt and disappointment, when they had heard things not completely correct ... i hope someday you will be able to separate their lies from the true God...

i am honored to know you.

M



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#177247 - 08/30/07 06:33 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: MarkK]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
mark and buzz yu really do get it dont you?the faith thing i mean? this one of thev first times anybody has talked with me about god without thiinking either im blasting their faith or i am just somebody to feel sorry for cause im going to hell,i believe in your faith ,because even if i get pissy about it you still are trying to help me ,not convert me or convince me just help me. thanks k? i do want what you have you know?i wanna believe ,its just right now reality is too strong to deny , adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#177253 - 08/30/07 06:40 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Adam,

the tears i'm crying right now in incredible joy.
Originally Posted By: shadowkid
i do want what you have you know?i wanna believe ,its just right now reality is too strong to deny
i truly believe God will not let someone go without finding Him. if you want to know the truth, i am positive that someday He will reveal Himself to you, because He is the truth. i hope we're still in communication when He does - i want to be able to celebrate with you.

as for it being too strong (or too easy) to deny right now - believe it or not, i COMPLETELY get that one - and i was raised knowing God.

as for "converting or convincing" - the Bible tells me that's God's job, not mine. again, i am convinced His Spirit will reveal Him to you at some point.

as much as i can love someone i've never met - i DO love you, Adam. you are an incredibly open and honest person, and i'm learning to trust you. you make me smile.

M

ps - the Bible tells me that faith is a gift of God - it comes from hearing His word.


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#177385 - 08/31/07 11:30 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: MarkK]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
Adam,
Man...you really get to me...in a good way! i believe that i am to LOVE..Jesus said that to love one another is THE greatest commandment from God. That people will know us (true believers) by our LOVE.

Just like Mark said, convicting us of our sins is God's job, my job is to live my life and let THAT be the testimony to God's saving power...THAT is what tells the story...how a person lives.

AND...just like Mark...I LOVE you Adam...I have a sincere love for you. I pray for you daily, for peace, strength, and truth.
You are valued very highly by many people here...that's not just lip service...your posts are Adam, truthful...and they help so many people...me included...i ALWAYS leave the Healing Circle each Sunday with a perspective you have offered and it helps me.

This isn't about my timing, or anyone elses timing...this whole thing is about Adam's timing...and God does know that!

I love you man!


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#177528 - 08/31/07 09:55 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Originally Posted By: shadowkid
k now say it a way i can understand .was there some point in your life where something happend that made you say yes i believe? if so i havnt had mine yet.


I don't know if this will help you - kind of like the blind leading the blind, yeah? But I think one thing that helps me is the very fact that I hurt so bad for the emptiness I feel inside me as a result of my inability to see how God has any interest in me or recognize any way to connect with him.

If God were all a myth, then why am I hurting for that nothingness, and what part of me is hurting? What part has needs that can be satisfied from nothing?

That part of me is my soul, the part that also makes me a caring compassionate person and allows me to find joy in the midst of pain and seek peace in simple truths. And I think the aching comes from my soul wanting back something real that that it once had, years ago, before...

That's all I can do with this for the moment. But it's something I guess.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#177529 - 08/31/07 10:02 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Bible says we were created for Him.
Would make sense without Him we would feel a loss.

.. at least to me ..

M


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#177530 - 08/31/07 10:18 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: MarkK]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
thanks again guys, adam



Edited by shadowkid (08/31/07 10:19 PM)
_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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