mel...not sure if this falls in line with your original thought and questions...but i got to a point where i BELIEVED i liked it...my dad spent many years TELLING me i liked it because if i didn't i wouldn't have an erection. how can a kid argue with that logic...i didn't know any better...my head and heart said no...my dick said yes...i told myself he was right..i must like it.

now i know that all of that was a lie, used to keep me quite and compliant...it worked...

and on a physical level...purely sensational...some of it was pleasurable...but in any other way, it was horrific and terrifying.

wow mell ,yes beautifull hot ,amazing all words he used, to describe me and yeah buzz they always pointed out that well you sure did respond ,body betrayl sucks but they counted on that ,adults know a kids body will respond even if he dont like it

Well that's true, seems they never waste a moment to let you know how much you must be liking it. "Looks like someone is having fun", and etc.

Mell,

Ya i feel ya there..."see you little fag boy...you like it". I wanted to cut off my penis because it got hard during the abuse.

Wish they just would have been quiet during it!!

Brian

Melliferal,



Man, I could go on and on with examples from my own childhood. Do the "good feelings" mean what we are doing is okay?...that's what I asked him. And guess what the answer was?

And yep, I looked at him and saw 1) an adult, 2) a friend of my Dad, 3) a guy I had seen around for years helping with the cubs and scouts, 4) a poobah in our church, ushering people to their places, taking collection, etc. So far as I was concerned the world was safe and so was he. And anyway, I supposed to listen to adults when I go to their home, right? Larry, be a good boy and do whatever Mr and Mrs **** say. Larry, remember your pleases and thank yous and do what you're told.

What do we see so clearly in all this: the fact that kids are just not emotionally, socially, or intellectually equipped to respond to the challenges that come up when they are being abused. Remember the "deer in the headlights" feeling? Remember wanting it to be okay so the fear and confusion would stop?

Someone here last year had a signature line that says it all: A child can comply, but he can't consent.

Much love,
Larry

I fucking hate all of the pricks who did this

melliferal: You were a child and trusting like all children do. They used their power as adults to get what they wanted. And in the process it helped keep you quiet and that was their prime motivation. Your silence!! Sure it felt good. We are hotwired all that way. It is what keeps the human race going. We are the most sexual animal on the planet. And at 10 years of age it was a totally new experience and they were paying a lot of attention to you and you trusted them completely.

I was raped at 16 by three guys over a 9 month period and I came to like it too. 3-4 times a week every week. What the shit. They were paying attention to me. Every sexual perversion you can think of. And each and every time I got erections and ejaculated. Shit they were only giving me what I wanted and I lapped it up.

You were groomed by them and that is a fact. Had they ,instead been wonderful guys who taught you right from wrong, were there for you for your successes and to comfort you with your failures it would have been a far different outcome. They would have been people you would still look up to. Well they were not like that. And you did not have a chance with them, pure and simple.

I did like it.

But the fact that I did like it only served to mess up my life more.

Bryan

I agree.

Hey,

I was hoping to see you online tonight. Missed the geology puns.

I know what you are saying about feeling guilty, or blaming yourself, because you liked it. It felt good.

The truth is, at 10 years old, A CHILD CANNOT MAKE THAT DECISION!! They are emotionally and mentally incapable of handing that type of decision as an adult would. Their brains haven't developed yet.

I also know I'm better at giving advice than taking it, even my own! Knowing this, I hope will make it easier for you to start to forgive yourself. But that is a long journey I think we are both on.

Michael