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#176586 - 08/28/07 04:14 PM Prolonging the insufferable
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
What do I want out of life? That question seems to haunt me ever since my nephrologist extracted and examined a small chunk of my kidney and discovered extensive irreparable damage. I'm initially diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3 or 4; specifically I might have IgA Nephropathy. In lay terms it simply means my kidneys are doomed to fail. There's no cure or treatment for it. They can only slow its degradation. Inevitably, dialysis and transplant are needed. I notice I don't have the energy I used to have and I don't enjoy the things I used to do either. It's bad enough I have to battle the demons of my past and my present scourge with sexual addiction; now I have to face a future nemesis with dialysis treatments 2 to 3 times a week, bottles of meds, strict low sodium diet, and a partner who fails to understand or comprehend what I'm going through. Where is the hope? What is the purpose of prolonging this insufferable life? I'm too chicken to off myself and I've been medicating with food, alcohol, salt, pre>
_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#176597 - 08/28/07 05:10 PM Re: Prolonging the insufferable [Re: GentleSoul]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Gs,

You, all of us, catched Alexander at his best moments - when he was feeling least sick, sad, tired and afraid.
I've had some deeper convo's with him and he told me a couple of times that it often is easier to not show most of these feelings. And that he came to chat to get cheered up most of the time.
He spent most of the time in bed btw and could still come online, because he had a laptop.
Well, I guess what i'm trying to say is that he wasn't always happy and 'bubbly'. We just got to see his sunny side much more often. He just didn't show his insecurities etc as much.
Esp after he got attacked in the hospital he was much more scared and hurt then he would let on most of the time.
Also, all this time he, we, most people were thinking he was going to beat this... the prognosis was good... the chemo was doing its job... He was really looking forward to the future, talking about school and things like that.

I guess just take one day at a time and try to think of the positive things in your life. There must be some. Talk about it whit people, here, in rl, or in chat. Make sure you do fun things too. Try to look at the things that you can do, instead of what you can't do anymore. Cut down on the booze and bad food, living healthy probably makes you feel more fit and more up to doing things then when continuing this lifestyle.
I'm sure you know all that already too and i dont wanna be preaching but I just thought I would write down some of the things i could think of. Anyway, take care.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#176642 - 08/28/07 09:01 PM Re: Prolonging the insufferable [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
GentleSoul,

Perhaps a way forward is to dedicate each day to doing the best you can and achieving at least something, however minor. I know when I have felt down and looked at all the problems at once, that only made me feel more defeated and swamped. We can't face everything at once, so I think sometimes we need to reset our demands on ourselves.

Once we do that, we may well find it's easier to take the decisions that are actually better and healthier for us, now and in the longer term as well.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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