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#176520 - 08/28/07 11:25 AM Understanding a feeling...
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
I'm trying to understanding a feeling, I get when I see gay porn or when in the past I actually had sexual encounters with a man and I really noticed it this past weekend when I was in an area a friend referred to as a "gayborhood". It's a nervous, excited almost like a head rush feeling, but it's the nervousness feeling that I don't understand. My friend, who is openly gay, says itís because I long to be openly gay and be with a man/ men. Doesn't anyone understand this feeling?

I'm married and when I have sex with my wife or other women in the past or even look at "straight" porn I don't get this feeling. I really don't feel much of anything when having intercourse with a female or looking at porn. I do it like putting on my socks and shoes, after I'm done I'm ready to get on with whatever else I have to do. It's no big deal.

There is a part of me that longs for more, I want to be held and cuddled. I want to be wanted. I'm not comfortable in being in the dominant rule as a man should be, maybe thatís why when having sex I just do it to do it and get it over with. Iím sorry I feel crazy for sharing all this, Iím just trying to understand these feelings.

thank you!!!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#176548 - 08/28/07 01:25 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: TNuss]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
T...

Its hard to say exactly where your drive for men is coming from...the want to be gay or from the abuse. Its something you will have to look deep inside yourself. Think about it...have you ever fell in love with a guy...can you see yourself living day to day next to a guy who is your partner...could you wake up every morning next to a guy? Or would you prefer that to a woman?

Your problems with straight sex may only be attributed to a fear of sex or a nerviousness about it. Honestly you are the only one who can look inside and figure this out.

Remember you don't have to label yourself...and your preference of the sex of your partner in life is not just based on sex. It has to do with who you love, who you care for, who you are attracted to outside of the bedroom. Sex is only a small part of a relationship...you cant base a relationship on that!


By the way I totally understand the nervious excited feeling...but for me it was about gay sex, I thought, being forbidden. Getting to do something bad and forbidden...that gets to me...gets me wound up.

Brian <----totally gay by the way (played it straight for 28 years).

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#176581 - 08/28/07 03:26 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: pain4ever]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I agree with pain4ever, this is something that only you can decide. I hope it's not stressing you out too much, attitudes about sex and taboo are changing very rapidly, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there were a great deal of men experiencing something very similar.

The feeling you are describing sounds a bit like the feeling I got when I decided that I was no longer AFRAID of same-sex intimacy, and I realized that it was something I was looking forward to exploring.

This feeling doesn't need to mean anything specific, so these feelings belong completely to you. They are yours to explore in any way you see fit.

To be perfectly honest, this sounds like a truly wonderful feeling!

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#176778 - 08/29/07 09:27 AM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: cbfull]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
Thanks guys you have said the same thing my friend is telling me!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#176896 - 08/29/07 01:07 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: TNuss]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
T,

I have had the same feelings and sometimes still do, so you are definitely not alone!

D2K


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#177246 - 08/30/07 06:33 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: Dewey2k]
gay30something Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 26
Loc: New England, USA
My opinion is that sexual abuse doesn't change a person's sexual orientation.

There are many men, married to women, who find that they have gay or bisexual sexual desires.

Only you can decide who and what you are. And maybe you don't want to define it. Maybe you do.

I am gay, have a civil union with my spouse, and enjoy a happy and health life (aside from dealing with the sexual abuse from my youth)
AND
I can say I'm fairly certain that the sexual abuse I suffered didn't define my orientation.

Whatever your situation, don't feel ashamed. As long as our desires are for other consenting adults (gay straight or bi) there is nothing wrong.

_________________________
gay30something

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#177631 - 09/01/07 01:31 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: gay30something]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Dear TNuss...
I could have written your post. What you are going through is EXACTLY what I'm dealing with. It's tough. I feel for you. I'll let you know if I ever get it figured out.

Good luck to you.

REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#179014 - 09/07/07 04:27 PM Re: Understanding a feeling... [Re: trusty]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Troy -

I understand that feeling all to well! But is it a rush from the desire or trying to relive the abuse? That is what I wrestle with.

Like you I have a tough time with intimacy - sex is kind of like putting a pair of socks on in that it lacks intensity with a woman - but sex with a man, although much more intense, does nothing for me emotionally. With a man I have no desire to be hugged, cuddled, or anything else...just the act, and always submissive. I just wanted them to pleasure themselves with my body. I don't mean to trigger anyone, but there was something about offering myself to another man to do with as he pleased - that I got something out of. I too am very suvmissive and have great disdain for any active or dominate role.

I wonder if my wife was dominate and aggressive if I would feel differant about sex with her - get the same intensity. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex with her very much - I just don't get the same rush - or sense of release.



Edited by kellygtx (09/08/07 10:42 AM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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