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#176459 - 08/28/07 03:31 AM Hi new here
lee_es Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 9
Loc: san antonio,tx
My name is Lee from San Antonio,TX I am 20years old(just turned 20 this June). I was molested from the age of 13 to about 17, it was by my mom's boyfriend I am not 100% how it started(guess I blocked it out)but it was mostly every week when my sister went skating, I HATED it but he told me he would hurt my mom(I almost lost my mom onces before and she means the world to me) so I went along(I said no a few times but just it fell on deaf ears).

I did tell my mom onces but she started to ask for specifics and I want back on what i said(which I should have NEVER done but I got scared) so about a year later she kicks him out(unrelated) then my brother one night said that the guy had too molested him to my mom then she goes and she asks me that is when she starts on specifics but I give her little. (and I knew before he tried to molest my sister but she said NO and he backed down + I have no idea how far reaching this goes in my family but I one about cousin that was molested too) now 3 years later.. I am next monday going down to the SAPD to tell my story and stop the guy dead in his tracks!!

I have to say this is not has much for me as the others out there that my be at risk from him.



Edited by lee_es (08/28/07 03:31 AM)

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#176461 - 08/28/07 03:43 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: lee_es]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Lee,

First let me say welcome to MS, but I am truely sorry you need this site.

I am so proud of you, you are taking steps to stop your perp. I wish I had, but that is one of the reasons I still feel guilty today.

You have shared a lot in your first post, but I want to encourage you to take your time getting to know the guys here. This site is full of great guys who will share and make you feel like part of the family.

I hope everything goes well with the police, but remember, we are here when things get tough. Please don't hesitate to come and ask for help if you need it. Check out the chat feature and don't be affraid to speak up if you want some ideas about how to deal with things.

Welcome,
Carl


_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#176462 - 08/28/07 03:53 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: Scoutvictim]
lee_es Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 9
Loc: san antonio,tx
Originally Posted By: Scoutvictim
You have shared a lot in your first post

Welcome,
Carl
I know, i guess now that I have found GOD and now my heart is no longer hard when i talk about my feelings(as they are new to me because i blocked them out for so long) it is like they come out and i can't stop them so when i talk about them i can't stop...


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#176464 - 08/28/07 04:06 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: lee_es]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Lee,

I blocked mine for almost 12 years. Now I do safe touch talks at schools and other public speaking gigs.

Share all you want, we will listen.

Safe ((((((((((((Lee)))))))))))) hug for you.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#176466 - 08/28/07 04:18 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: Scoutvictim]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Someone needs to thank you for stepping up to the plate and going to the SAPD. THANK YOU!!! and WELCOME to MS!

_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

Still Not Recognized


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#176469 - 08/28/07 04:45 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: Still]
lee_es Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 9
Loc: san antonio,tx
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
Someone needs to thank you for stepping up to the plate and going to the SAPD. THANK YOU!!! and WELCOME to MS!
I need no thanks( but thank you for that). I mean if I can save one kid from becoming the me that i was(and what happened to me) it well be thanks 10 fold.


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#176471 - 08/28/07 05:03 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: lee_es]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lee,

Welcome to the site and I hope being here will help you deal with things. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your siblings, and you are being very brave in going to the police with your story. In California you have at least six years to report a criminal case of sexual abuse, so you are well within that. Since this abuser sems to be a serial abuser it's practically certain that you are saving who knows how many other kids from enduring what you suffered. Some abusers hurt hundreds of kids over their lifetime.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#176474 - 08/28/07 05:18 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: roadrunner]
lee_es Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 9
Loc: san antonio,tx
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Lee,

Welcome to the site and I hope being here will help you deal with things. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your siblings, and you are being very brave in going to the police with your story. In California you have at least six years to report a criminal case of sexual abuse, so you are well within that. Since this abuser sems to be a serial abuser it's practically certain that you are saving who knows how many other kids from enduring what you suffered. Some abusers hurt hundreds of kids over their lifetime.

Much love,
Larry
I know that is what makes me want to report it ASAP. I have talked to a detective at our Police Department and he says the law here is 10 years after the person turns 18.

I just hope he has hurt no one after these 3+ years but i know that is just a dream and I know when i found out how many it is going to hurt me bad knowing i could have ended it sooner.



Edited by lee_es (08/28/07 05:25 AM)

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#176551 - 08/28/07 01:52 PM Re: Hi new here [Re: lee_es]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lee,

It's very important that in dealing with things you don't take responsibility or blame for what others have done. That is, it isn't your job or task to rush into a confrontation or the pressing of charges before you feel ready to face the consequences of doing this. Look at it this way. Suppose you make a report and charges are filed against the abuser, but then in the trial you aren't emotionally able to give effective testimony.

However many kids you save through your courage is already a huge service to society, but no one can expect you - as one person and a victim yourself - to save them all. You shouldn't expect that of yourself either. Law-enforcement officials are constantly faced with the dilemma of deciding when to lower the boom on an abuser; they want to proceed as quickly as possible, for exactly the reasons you give, but at the same time they have to have a case strong enough to stand up in court and gain a conviction.

The blame for the abuse of a child, Lee, always belongs to the abuser. None of it can come back to you, not under any circumstances.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#176583 - 08/28/07 03:32 PM Re: Hi new here [Re: roadrunner]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi Lee,

Welcome, so glad your going to the Police and informing them about what has happened to you and the others. You are doing yourself and others such a favor by turning this guy in and taking back your power and not being a victum any longer. Good for you.

Ron


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#176585 - 08/28/07 04:03 PM Re: Hi new here [Re: Barney]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Welcome, Lee. Let me say again how brave and wonderful it is for you to report this man - there will be children who don't even realize that they will owe you their thanks as well.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#176708 - 08/29/07 12:59 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: dannym]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hi Lee,

Glad you made it here and that you had the courage to speak up, not only here but to the PD. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If you need support over the next few days, weeks, months, or years, we'll be here.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#176759 - 08/29/07 08:10 AM Re: Hi new here [Re: Barney]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lee,

We do have guys here who have been through the legal process of prosecuting an abuse case, and one of the mods is a police officer who deals with such cases. It would be absolutely understandable if you have questions or fears, so just shout out if you need help.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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