Newest Members
Won'tGiveUp, sillyputty, Pytbull, manipulated, donmarks
12383 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beluga (64), Isreal101 (65), Phil Sober (41), phil1973 (41), Teddy Bear (63)
Who's Online
3 registered (Won'tGiveUp, don64, 1 invisible), 33 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12383 Members
74 Forums
63644 Topics
444480 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 8 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 >
Topic Options
#175576 - 08/24/07 11:15 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: shadowkid]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
i like to think im a good person
and i pray for forgivness all the time for hurting poeple i love because of how i feel
its a sad life somtimes
so you have to keep beliving that evrything will work out
i have to tell myself all the time


Top
#175824 - 08/25/07 06:51 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: bp83]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I have really benefited from this thread and BH, I hope you don't feel it has been hijacked or diverted. I bet a lot of these same feelings would ring true for your husband.

I also want to thank everyone who PMed me with ideas and support. That really means a lot to me and has helped me enormously. I am so grateful for your care and time.

Having thought about this stuff a lot this past week I think I can see what the problem is. Like I said earlier on this thread, I feel ashamed that God knows all those things the abuser did to me or made me do in our church and Scout cabin. He will always know. It's like those terrible things are on eternal instant replay: "Oh yeah, here's the time Larry...."

But there is more, and I think this is the central problem Little Larry has. For him those shameful things are all still in the present, and he wonders whether God blames him for them, like the abuser said. Of course you're "in on it" if you have orgasms in the pastor's study, for example.

So long as Little Larry stays disconnected from God he doesn't have to face the possibility that God hates him. That's something to worry about some time in the future. But if he reaches out to God and is rejected, like he fears he will be, then he will know for sure.

This doesn't feel like an "It's not your fault" issue; I've been pretty comfortable with that for a long time now. It's something else - very deep, very old, and very emotional - and I don't know how to describe it. And Little Larry is NOT happy that I'm even talking about this. The closest thing I can come up with is a question: What could be worse for a 10-year-old boy than to fear that the reason his prayers passed unanswered is that God hates him?

Okay, there it is - I said it. I know it's not true, but there we are.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#175966 - 08/26/07 08:56 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: roadrunner]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Larry, I too know that shame before God. How could he love someone like me, with all the things that I have done. You are not alone my friend.

I was nine when it occurred to me. If I get mixed up in the shame I just look at my nine year old daughter or any nine or ten year old child and it becomes clear. I was only nine, if I enjoyed it or not I was just a child. If my daughter came to me as you come to God, as his child, if she said she was molested and enjoyed it or was a part of it I would only feel terrible that she was subjected to the perversion of an adult, I would cry for what she thought was enjoyment. At ten you don't know love in regards to sex; which is the way sex is meant to be ejoyed. Curiousity, and experimentation is one thing but an adults involvment is total manipulation and God does not hold that against you, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Even as an adult today, he forgives you for everything you have done as an adult. There is nothing to forgive when you were ten, you were not at the age of accountability and you did nothing wrong. Satan wants you to stay disconnected and he is using the one thing that is so far from being true, he is the father of lies.

I tried to PM you but it would not go through, is anyone else having trouble with the PM?

I wanted to see if I could get a sneek peek of the Review, if not don't worry I can wait for it.

I love you, God loves you,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


Top
#175975 - 08/26/07 09:40 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: John Oarc]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Larry, I am going to church now and you are going to be on my mind most of the time there. I get chill bumps thinking about your freedom, It should not be kept from anyone. In that I will pray for everyone ever victimized by an adult in any way.

Love all of you,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


Top
#176417 - 08/27/07 11:12 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: John Oarc]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I wish the best for all you guys. I am sure shame plays a huge part, maybe the biggest part, of blocking you from a relationship w/ your creator. I remember somewhere it says that there is "nothing new under the sun" to God; He has seen it ALL, so He wouldn't be shocked by anything.

Use your intellect and reasoning too - you KNOW you were an innocent child, you KNOW the adult abuser is the one God hates - it says it in my sig. line - He would not hate you, the innocent child he created to be cherished, not abused. He would not hate your body for responding, as He made it that way.

I just hate to see people separated from their God b/c of this abuse - it's robbed you all of enough already, but this is no small thing either. Jesus didn't suffer and die on the cross for us so we could be separated from Him. EVEN IF any of that abuse sin did belong to any of you innocent kids, He already died for those sins; all you have to do is accept that gift and ask Him to come to you and live in your hearts be near.

God is Love. It says that in the Bible - I've heard it a million times. All of you need to start loving yourselves again despite what was DONE TO you, and let your God love you as well. That's just my 2 cents. I'm not saying it's easy by any means and I cannot IMAGINE the struggles you guys are having, but from my perspective on the outside it's just another victory for the abusers, to keep you from accepting yourselves and accepting God's love for you. Remember Satan's main tool is deceit and he's deceiving you into believing "God would never love me," or "I'm such a terrible person".... Lies, all lies!!!

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

Top
#176418 - 08/27/07 11:16 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: Brokenhearted]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Brokenhearted
Use your intellect and reasoning too

Intellect has absolutely no impact.

At least - not for me.

Fortunately, faith doesn't take intellect, knowledge, understanding, or reasoning.

m


Top
#176430 - 08/28/07 12:46 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: MarkK]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
BH,

I'm not sure that SA had so much affect on me as my emotionally distant father and my sometime PMS riddled physically and emotionally abusive mother.

They say our concept of God is formed when we are young and comes from our relationship with our parents. Well, if that is true, and I believe it is, it's not to hard to surmise the struggle I've had.

My $0.02 worth.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#176454 - 08/28/07 02:38 AM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: roadrunner]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
Originally Posted By: roadrunner

Having thought about this stuff a lot this past week I think I can see what the problem is. Like I said earlier on this thread, I feel ashamed that God knows all those things the abuser did to me or made me do in our church and Scout cabin. He will always know. It's like those terrible things are on eternal instant replay: "Oh yeah, here's the time Larry...."

But there is more, and I think this is the central problem Little Larry has. For him those shameful things are all still in the present, and he wonders whether God blames him for them, like the abuser said. Of course you're "in on it" if you have orgasms in the pastor's study, for example.



Larry. The bible says for as far as the east is from the west He removes our transgressions from us. Now this refers to our transgressions and we know we didn't do anything wrong. So how much more will he remove our past experiences from us? The bible says that He will not think of our inequities anymore. Again if we asked Him to forgive us it is as if it never happened. So when we go to God again about something that we were forgiven for He goes "What are you talking about? I don't remember that" because in His book it does not exist anymore.

And yes I know it is easier said than done. I still sometimes struggle with the same issue of trust as I still believe I did something to trigger my perp (yes I know but I will get there). So I still feel dirty. There are other things I did after that taht I can not say out loud, due to the abuse, but the shame is there. I however knows that God loves me regardless and that I need to forgive myself for those things, He has done it long ago.

God does not hate you or any of us. He loved us so much He gave His son in our place (that is not said to start another debate). Sometimes our prayers are answered, we just dont see it. Have you ever thought that perhaps this place is part of the prayer of that 10 year old?

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

Top
#176644 - 08/28/07 09:05 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: pietie]
SECfanMIKE Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/15/07
Posts: 172
Loc: South Carolina
As well as casting our trangressions in the deepest sea (and I lived in Guam or Saipan for 10+ years...right near the "Marianas Trench" [the deepest crevice on the face of the earth]) --
the LORD also tells us that He will "...restore the seasons that the locusts have destroyed..."... meaning He can even heal the times of hurt and destruction in our lives.

_________________________
"...for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him..."

"...rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep..."

"...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost..."

Top
#176649 - 08/28/07 09:15 PM Re: Question for Christian Survivors [Re: SECfanMIKE]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

SECfanMIKE...

OK... ASK HIM TO PROVE IT IN MY LIFE...

I NEED PROOF....PROVERBS 11:27

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
Page 3 of 8 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.