hello
im writing because i am so deeply in love with this girl and i think she loves me to so much
i have told her evrything about what hapened to me as a child and she has helped me so very much
i trust her with my life
so why do i feel so afriad to get close to her
to make things more real
i dont understand what is happening to me
has anyone been through this to
does anyone know why its happening or how to fix it
she gets so angry at me and i get so angry at myself even more
we fight all the time but we want to be close
i need to know how i can get through this
i have told her all of the physical things
mostly
and most of the mental issues i have
but when it comes to my feelings
i cant explain why i feel a certain way
why i have such intense feelings of fear
she thinks its because i dont want to know her or that i dont like her or dont trust her
or she thinks im lying about myself
that has nothing to do with it and i cant explain it
i want to be with her more than anything
i wish i could say something to help
and its like so many litle things that i havent done because i want this relatonship to be diffrent but at the same time
i dont know guys
see im still talking in circles
thanks for the help maybe somone knows what this feels like

Nicky,

Let me start out by saying Welcome, I hope you find answers on this site. I know it has opened my eyes about a lot of things. I hate the fact that you need to be here, but I am glad you found us. With over 4500 members, you can get a lot of different opinions. All of us here know what your going through, the stories may be different, but the feelings we share are amazingly common.

Please know that the guys here will not judge or condem you but they will reach out and try to help.

Next let me say this topic might get more views in the Friends and Family Forum. If you want just copy and paste it there and you will get many more answers. In the F&F forum you may also get many views from other women, which could be helpful.

Now, on to your post. I have read it several times and am still not sure of the problem. As you say you are "talking in circles". I'm going to guess you are talking about an intimacy problem between you and you G/F. If that is the issue, believe me I understand. I do know that trust palys a big roll in who I get close to.

I hope you don't give up on trying, and please talk to Cathy, let her know you need to take small steps. Start slowly with holding hands, then move to more hugs and then try the hugs with out your shirts on. Work on each step slowly and remember you don't have to do everything in one night.

I'll stop for now and hope you get more feedback. Try and think about it more and add your thoughts, this may clear up my confussion and help me to come up with better ideas.

Carl

thank you so much
i hope we can work this out so much
do you think it would be helpful for her to look here to
i think she feels ofended that she cannot help me with evrything

Nicky,

Yes I do think that you owe it to Cathy to allow her to see inside your world. That does include this site, and of course you mind and heart. I promise, if she loves you, she will do as much to help as she can.

Talk to her about it and see what she thinks. We have many members and spouses who work on this together.

Have you gone to the "Friends and Family" Forum? I will bet you would be suprised at how the stories hit home.

I don't think "offended" is the right de>

Nicky,

I just wanted to second Carl's welcome and say that I agree with his thoughts. In addition, I have two other suggestions; You do seem to be 'talking around the issue' and if you were to be a little more specific about your feelings it might help us, and it might help you by clarifying in your own mind what it is that is bothering you. Secondly, I hope you can get out of the mindset that your tag line says; "I love Cathy and I hate myself." Don't hate yourself for these things that aren't your fault. You should be proud of yourself for being strong enough to try to work through your difficulties rather than running and hiding from them like so many of us have for so long. They don't just go away by themselves, and you have taken many important steps in healing. Good for you! Besides, it is impossible to really love anyone else until you love yourself. You sound like a good guy, I'm sure there is a lot in you to love. Cathy must think so too.

I wish you success!

Lazarus

thank you so much

This is an old post but it is new to me as
I've just joined yesterday. even if you aren't
with cathy anymore, maybe this will help you
with forthcoming relationships.

nicky - i am a "cathy" of sorts. i know exactly
how she feels. yet i don't understand how my
beloved boyfriend feels. i'm sure you could relate
to his pain as i can relate to hers.

cathy is a product of society which teaches women
certain truths of a relationship. through experience
she has learned that a man will go through any lengths
to be with the women he loves. if he doesn't extend
his efforts to secure their relationship, then he just
IS NOT interested.

when My Love tells me he loves me, i respond by saying
"if you loved me you wouldn't do this". after seeing
your post i do believe My Love loves me. he just isn't
able to show me love the way that i've been conditioned
to believe in.

i ask that you take into consideration that cathy
isn't just being difficult. she just doesn't understand.
work with her to see your triggers & pain. at the
same time, you should ask her to work with you by pointing
out her pains & triggers.

hope this helps!!!


anne