Eversince my abuse i have had a few problems with going to the toilet.

I cant believe im going to say this but here goes.

When i sit on the toilet and try to push it feels like im pushing on nothing, i can not feel anything. It can take me from twenty minutes to over half an hour before im finished.
When i tighten my muscles i can feel only a small part of them. All else feels dead, cut off from me. I also suffer from piles at different times.

I cannot go to the toilet and look at myself at the same time, is this weird.

Shy and ashamed

Backspin

Nothing to be ashamed about Seven, but it may indicate a medical problem. Rather than sit and worry about it, why don't you talk to your doctor? Or, if that is difficult, there is a very good diagnostic tool at WebMD.com... They might have some insight for you.

If your abuse included anal rape, there is likely a psychological component in addition to some physical damage. The physical injury will probably be much easier to heal than the emotional one. Once you are cleared medically though, you'll know better what you are dealing with and can seek the appropriate treatment.

Best wishes,

Lazarus