Thanks for posting this! A lot of good balanced info & things to think about.
Boundaries have always been a big problem for me; basically, as I grew up there were none. So I've gotten burned a lot in my adult life, and I've had to really work on this thruout my recovery, which started about 15 months ago.
There's a lot to read out there about boundaries. I got "The Boundary Workbook," becuz I wanted actual exercises to do to train myself in boundary-creating skills. I haven't finished it, but I have been working on creating boundaries.
But actually for me the main part of it has been in learning to trust myself & my intuition. I've always been a pretty sensitive & discerning person, but becuz I don't trust myself I often go against my better judgment.
Thankfully this has been changing, especially recently. It's been pretty much a matter of loving, believing, & believing in myself. No small or easy matter of course.
But thru therapy, support groups (mostly online), opening up to my wife & daughters, good reading, and deliberate hard work (love is a choice & a commitment), I'm learning to love & appreciate myself more. To see the good in me, as distinct from the bad that's happened to me.
The more I like myself, the more I take care of & am aware of myself, what is & isn't best for me. Thus the more I create & maintain healthy boundaries.
These are not walls that keep others out & me in alone. They are lines that I can keep safe behind & use to keep the wrong people & things for my recovery out--and let the right ones in!
I've been an expert bricklayer, putting up walls. Now I'm trying to be a good surveyor, drawing the proper lines on my territory--and marking it!
Let's hold those lines men!